But yet, everything you do, things you say and how you act are just...not right?
You've followed the 'right' path into society and in your eyes are well respected in sense that no one has fault with you, everything is perfect.
You must do this - do that, otherwise something terrible could happen, you become anxious to know what could happen if faults are made and bad thoughts are consumed. But what is that all about?
The mind is a some-what wonderfull thing. It can make you think whatever and believe in whatever you desire the most. Almost an opinion. But when you start to doubt the person within you, doubt those choices which, were carefully made into what you thought was the 'right' choice, then what next? What hopes and worries could be crushed into oblivion and expanded into something more than dread, but could lead to a bad experience that really you'd just rather not have.
WHAT IF one day, everything turned against you? All that good feeling and tension just snatched from your grasp. Bad, bad things start to happen, experiences in which you'd love to take back, words you'd love to not have said and imprinted into the receivers mind for God knows how long.
When that one person you cherished to the most, adored and loved unconditionally just... died.
When your parents fight and fight and fight, when they argue to such an sickening extent that all you can think about and all you feel is to... throw away the paddles and drift on.
In other, rather not to be said words, carve the heart in which you behold and disappear.
When there is NO hope, when there is NO choice in what to think, to say and to do because it endangers your mind into shit. Complete shit.
Is there such endour to get better? To relive that once happy place and stay there till death?
I wish, I so so wish.
Breeze. The breeze drifting throughn my semi short, black hair as I stand up straight on the edge of the school metal barrier. 2nd floor.
Believe me, it wasn't easy to climb apon, but hopefully it'll be worth it. Worth the effort and planning to lead up to this 'unfortunate' point in my day.
It's Friday, January 18th 2011. The day to end all days.
The day to finally make sense of it all. To feel NO pain ever again, to hear those shouts and screams that will soon disappear when I'm not there. To not feel the sickening bed benieth my stomach.
Sneeking out in lesson to do this, when no one is around to persuade me to not jump, to lift me from the barrier to a 'safe' place and promise that everything will be okay after this, that everything will change. To promise that my life WILL change.
Will it? Or are they just WORDS to you?
Well, I'm not going to find out anyway...