A one shot :)
The apartment is bleak. Whitewash walls surround me. The cold floor aching my bare, rough feet as i sit in my usual deep in thought state. During the night, he comes to remind me. He reminds me that he'll always belong to him. I will forever be alone, because there is only one person i could ever be with and he is not mine,nor will he ever be.
The Darkness is intoxicating. The silence piercing my ears. I know now that it's time. Time to pick myself off the floor and face the world. Feel the rain, smell the air and remember. See the stars, laughing at me for wanting something so much although it's so out of my reach. The moon will watch over me as i walk through this small town. Newark. The rain will beat down on me and i won't feel a thing. Because as it all comes flooding back, so does the overwhelming numbness.
I do this every night. I always find my way to the same place. Cemetary Drive. I walk along the shining, flawed pavement avoiding the cracks, stepping delicately each time. I walk underneath the overgrown branches of the familiar willow trees. Hanging like drapes or curtains, concealing stars behind them as though they are protecting me from their glare. Protecting me from their enviable protection.
And now i'm there. Opposite the very place i long to live in. Old bricks perfectly aligned with eachother. The porch lights lighting up the stained glass window of the oak front door. The windows closed yet nothing shielding my view inside. And then he's there. The top right window. I wave politely as i await for him to finally join me and take away the pain. He find his way to me, the way the sun always overshadows the rain in June. He takes my hand as i hoped he would and he draws his lips closer to my ear, lacing his fingers through mine. " I've waited so long for this." The sweet, artistic New Jersey accent whispers. And he's looking into my eyes. But he's not just looking, he is seeing. As though i am one of the windows in his home. And as i feel his warm breath on my lips. I close my eyes losing my entire self in this moment. And when i open them up he is gone. Another dream, another night.
I've been dreaming about him. Imagining him here with me. Desperately craving him making me complete. Wanting him more than i ever wanted anyone. And he isn't here. I know where he really is. He's with the one who owns his soul. Who can bring warmth and joy to his heart with every day. His world will stay bright and perfect, mine will stay grey and dismal. He will be happy and i will be thankful, as i'm going to find a stairway that leads me to contentment. The contentment that goes by the name of Heaven. Or the hallows below the concrete. Laying my breaking heart to rest.