Frank faces reality and deals with it in the only way he knows how. With wreckless, impulsive behaviour.
"We have to watch Shaun of the Dead more often." Gerard decided, making Frank chuckle happily.
"You're right, we do." He breathed, trying to sit up, but Gerard pulled him back down. Frank tried to struggle away, but when Gerards arms wrapped securely around him, one around his shoulder-blades, the other holding his lower back, he decided it wasn't worth it. He allowed Gerard to pull him in, holding him against his chest. Frank had never known comfort like it - even his previous boyfriend hadn't been as slow and gentle as Gerard. To be honest, his previous boyfriend was actually quite the hungry type. If Frank didn't give him what he wanted, he might even get a smack, but Gerard wouldn't do that. Not now, anyway. Then a little voice reminded Frank that he needed to have a word with Gerard, about their relationship. "Gee?" He asked, making Gerard shift uncomfortably to the tone in his voice.
"Yeah?" He finally asked, as nervous about this as Frank was. Frank opened his mouth, hesitated, then began. He was incredibly scared, like Gerard might hit him like his old boyfriend had, if he didn't like what Frank had said.
"You know that kiss, last night? I.. I just want you to know that, it only meant I like you... not that we're dating. Okay?" Frank felt Gerards arms drop slightly from his back, and he felt Gerards heart shatter and break inside of him. Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard instead, not liking the empty feeling he got when Gerard was unhappy.
"Frank, if you like me... as in, like me like me, then why don't you just kiss me. Right now. You had no objection last night, in fact it was you who moved forward first. And you didn't jump away from me this morning when I kissed you. If you like me, why don't you go out with me?" Gerard asked, his eyes misting over with dissapointment. Frank wanted so much to just tell Gerard there and then about his mum and dad betraying him, and about how he'd treat his boyfriend the last few weeks that they were dating, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. It was mad, all of this kissing boys and stuff. Socially acceptable men were straight, and wore tuxedos and had wives and big, black, German cars and modern houses made of glass. All Frank wanted was to be accepted, and now he didn't know what was more important. Being accepted by 6 billion people, or just being happy with Gerard.
"It's complicated." Frank finally answered. Gerard sighed. The situation wasn't complicated, Frank was, Gerard thought. He knocked Franks arms away from him and stood up, walking out of the room.
"I need a shower." He informed. "Don't answer the door if it knocks." Then he walked out. Faintly, Frank heard the shower turn on in the distance. He took a long look around the living room, all of Gerards art work and photos. Gerard seemed to be such a nice guy, just looking for that one person. Why was Frank being so awkward about it? Gerard loved Frank, and Frank could see it now, he just didn't want to be gay. He'd spent so long telling himself he was a normal, socially acceptable man, that he'd forgotten what his life was all about. Socially acceptable had never meant anything to him, and so what about his traumatic experiences? He loved Gerard, no matter what, and he had to prove it. He was going to kiss Gerard. Tonight.
In the corner of the room was a little acoustic guitar, and Frank picked it up. He strummed it loudly and heard Gerard stop moving in the shower. He'd caught Gerards attention, at least. And the guitar was perfectly tuned, like it had recently been played. He then took it to the sofa and sat down, putting the guitar on his lap. He began to play a song he'd written just before he'd left home, almost a year ago. It was called Lloyd Dobler, and he sang purely for Gerard.
"Why are you so far away, even when you're standing next to me? Your eyes give you away, telling secrets when your mouth don't feel like talking. And I'll be your Lloyd Dobler, with a boombox out in the street. And I'll be there if you need someone, even if he isn't me. Lying in your bed as lights dance across the ceiling and I listen to you breath, toss and turn in your sleep and I wish that you'd believe that I'll be your Lloyd Dobler, with a boombox out in the street. And I'll be there if you need someone, even if he isn't..." Franks voice faded to a whisper, and he stopped playing. His voice had warped, and tears stung in his eyes, but his heart rose back to the surface as he felt Gerards hand cup his cheek. He took his eyes away from the guitar and gently locked them with Gerards, who was now crouched at Franks face hight.
"Gerard, I wanna... tell you something. I mean, I want to go out with you, I want you so much, but my past is like a wall. I'm how being gay and homophobic at the same time is possible, that's why I'm so awkward." Frank felt tears running down his face. Through his blurred vision he could see that Gerard was pretty much shirtless, just his jeans on. His hair was wet and slicked back by the flow of the water. Every now and again, his hair would drip, causing droplets of water on his chest, back and shoulders. Frank found it slightly erotic, but said nothing.
Gerards thumb wiped away Franks tears, his hand still cupping Franks face. Frank had finally admitted it, he was gay, but Gerard didn't want to kiss Frank as he'd expected. Instead, Gerard asked him what he meant by his past being a wall. Frank had to explain.
"I was kicked out of home, because my parents are extremely religious. They caught me kissing another guy, and they told me I would ammount to nothing. And then, they booted me out and told everybody about it. I was humiliated, and beaten, and raped by the other boys and it was all on the street since the school wasn't letting me in without my parents. And I got so stressed. I stayed with my... 'friend' for a short while, but I was scared and annoyed and angry. I started to drink around him, and on our last day together I punched him. I think I might have broken his cheek bone or something. And I told him I was straight, and that I didn't want anything to do with him. And I miss my life, Gerard! Being gay ruined everything!" Frank cried into Gerard, and Gerard moved his hands from Franks cheeks to Franks back. Frank pushed the guitar away from him, and sat down on the floor with Gerard. This was the second time Frank had broken down in front of him, he was just thankful it wasn't because of him this time.
Gerard hushed him like a mother would hush her baby, rocking him slowly back and forth. "It's okay, now." He whispered. "It's all okay, nobody wants to hurt you here..." Frank took in these words. He wiped his eyes on his bare arm, and looked up at Gerard. Gerard looked back down on him. "Did you right that song?" Gerard asked. Frank nodded slowly. "It's beautiful." Gerard smiled, looking down on Franks shivering frame, his suddenly solemn face.
"Gerard, you're beautiful." He replied, and then finally, finally pulled Gerards face to his and smashed their lips together. Gerard knew now, and he was the first person to accept Frank as gay. And Frank loved him.
Gerard pulled back, frightening Frank, but Frank found that he was just standing up. He pulled Frank up too by his waist, and when Frank caught his balance they did little less than hesitate as Frank wove his hands into Gerards hair and kissed him again. Gerards hands snaked around Franks hips and to his butt, squeezing and earning a lustful hiss. This is amazing, Frank thought, as Gerards soft, warm lips caressed his own. Gerard bit Franks lower lip, and Frank opened his mouth and allowed Gerard to slide in his tongue. They just stood there, in the middle of the room, until Frank finally pulled away. Gerard pouted comically.
"So, this isn't just another 'I like you' joke, is it?" Gerard asked, worriedly. Frank bit his kiss-swolen lip then looked up at his lover and smiled.
"No, this means we're dating, now." And then he pulled Gerard into one, final, glorious kiss.