Strange, strange Frank - fluff warning!
We got back to John's at around at 'bout half seven that night. Me and the gang had spent the day swimming, generally messing around and - in my case at least - making out with Gerard. Kyle left before we got out of the steam room, so a good half hour was spent with the couples just kissing each other. Jared and Lena pulled, but that would only be temporary since Jared is way too much of a whore to settle down with anyone, even if it was only in the most casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. The rest of us teased the two of them about it anyway just for the crack.
Everyone was still pretty shattered from the party last night and the hangovers we all had, and since we had to go to school the next day, me and Gerard left a lot earlier than we usually would. I drove the car, humming along to the radio and yawning. My boyfriend - I couldn't help but grin to myself as I thought that - was curled up in the passenger seat, asleep.
As I pulled into the driveway of John's house, the sun was already beginning to disappear over the horizon, turning the sky orange and red and pink. Must be the pollution. As I cut the engine, I couldn't help but smile at the sight of Gerard's sleeping form. He looked so cute passed out like that. I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his parted lips. They tasted of the orange juice we had all been drinking bucket loads of that day. He smiled slightly, but didn't move other than that. I rolled my eyes but really didn't have the energy or heart in me to yell at him to move. So I kissed him again, and whispered in to his mouth; "You gotta wake up - we're home."
I pulled back to see his eyes flutter open and stare groggily at me, his smile still growing. "I wanna stay here..." Gerard muttered, closing his eyes again.
"Oh really?" I asked mischievously. The kid nodded, not catching on. I grinned, reached out and began tickling him. He shrieked and tried to squirm away. The car wasn't particularly big though, so it was pretty pointless. Soon, I had Gerard gasping for air (for what - the tenth time that day?) and pleading for me me to stop. He was giggling (yes, giggling) uncontrollably, tears rolling his face.
"Frank, Frank - please stop-" giggle, gasp "Ok - ok, I'm awake now get off!" He begged, still laughing.
I let up a tiny bit. "Or what?" I teased. I was grinning widely - listening to Gerard's laugh had woken me up.
"I-I dunno! Just g-get off!" He laughed, then changed tactics. "Please, I'll d-do anything." That I liked.
"Fine!" I said, leaning back into my seat. "I'm gonna hold you to that though!"
"I don't doubt it!" Gerard muttered, making me laugh again. We got out of the car, still joking around and went inside.
"Boys!" I heard John yell the moment I closed the door behind me. "Get in the kitchen! I wanna talk to you!"
I looked at Gerard, who shrugged and followed me in to the room where his uncle was waiting. John looked kinda surprised at how friendly we were acting around each other but didn't comment. He just launched into his speech.
"You do know you were supposed to work yesterday?"
My eyes widened and I shifted guiltily. Gerard didn't too bothered, but then he was here because John was family. I was simply here as a favour. I didn't like being a charity case, whether my parents had kicked me out or not, so working in the shop was my way of repaying the dude. Not helping him was just selfish. I wouldn't normally mind, but letting a sixteen year old kid live under your roof, without any charge went beyond kind. I'd lived with Phin for a bit, but her parents had found out and told me to leave. Actually, they knew John - and that he had some spare rooms - which was how I ended up here in the first place. He let me in and I had to pay him back. It was only fair.
"Sorry," I said. It wasn't something that escaped my mouth open but when I said it, I meant it. John narrowed his eyes at me and I lowered my head, peeking through my black fringe at him.
"It's ok. Just work an extra hour after school each day this week and that'll make up for it. You too, Gerard."
I nodded, muttered 'thanks' and went up to my room, collapsing on the bed. Gerard followed me in and sat next to me.
"What was that all about?" He asked, curiously.
"What was what all about?!" I snapped back, regretting it slightly when I saw him wince. "Look Gerard, I don't like being a charity case but I'm here 'cos I don't have anywhere else. I owe your uncle so I help out in the shop! It's not all roses ya know and right now I am sick of your company so please leave." It came out harsher than I intended, but between my hangover, being tired, and feeling guilty 'bout skiving - I was not in a good mood. Gerard wordlessly got up and left. I didn't have to look at him to know I'd hurt his feelings, but I was beyond caring.
I just lay on my bed, trying not to think. Eventually, I stripped down to my boxers and fell into an exhausted sleep.
Hands, running all over me. They tease me, feeling soft but delivering pain.
I don't want this.
They don't care. I beg and plead. They don't care. They carry on. With their blind destructive hate. Anger, loathing, fury.
"Leave me 'lone." Barely a whisper. The most I can manage.
The hands are hurting me. More and more and worse and worse. They pound me, touch me, scratch me, caress me, hurt me. It kills me.
I want to die... Make the pain go away. They won't stop.
"Does the little faggot want his mommy?"
I'm a freak. I know it. But please... leave me? They won't. Never will.
Pain, agony, torture - all inflicted by the way their hands are moving.
"You're going to like this." I'd like you to leave me. Leave me alone.
Scream. What are they doing? That isn't a hand. It's cold. It's hard. It burns. What is it?
"You like that, queer?"
No. I don't. Why do they think that? Why won't the leave me?
The cold, hard burn moves inside me. Back and forth. Ripping and tearing and stretching and... I'm gonna die.
Laughter. Cruel, evil laughter.
"Rot in hell."
Whimper. Moan. Cry. Scream.
"Your parents must hate you."
"Yeah, who'd love a shit-faced whore like you?"
No one. Why can't you leave me? Please.
Their voices fade. The pain doesn't. I can't help but think I'll die alone.
I woke up in a cold sweat - shivering from the dream and sweating in fear. Oh God, why did I keep on dreaming about that? It hadn't been this bad in ages.
I could still feel their hands all over. I doubted I'd ever be able to get over the pain they caused me - I'd be dreaming about for the rest of my life. God, I was pathetic. Why the fuck didn't I just forget about it? I rolled over and hugged my pillow, burying my face in it. Tears began to escape my eyes and for a while, I sobbed in to my pillow. I was truthfully pathetic.
Soon enough, my eyes dried up. I just lay there, trying to ignore the self hate and agony that I felt. How could they hurt me, even after all this time, in my dreams? How could I let them? I sighed and pulled myself out of bed. I stripped my sweat soaked clothes off and in my boxers, headed to the bathroom.
I didn't bother turn the lights on - I didn't want to catch sight of myself in the mirror. I felt my way to the sink, turned the cold tap on and splashed my face with cold water. It calmed me down a bit, but got me thinking about that night. How cold it was... I turned off the tap and collapsed on the floor. The tears were coming again. I tried to hold them back, but being weak and stupid and pathetic, I couldn't; they flowed freely down my cheeks and I sobbed.
It took me a while to get to sleep that night. Things had been going so well between me and Frank. I know we'd only been going out for a day but I really did like him. And after the party he'd stopped teasing me. Meanly at least. He'd still tease me now, but in a joking, teasing way with no malice behind it. And he could be so cute and sweet, something before today I wouldn't think it'd be possible to describe him as when he wasn't awake.
But then, Frank was obviously stressed about standing John up like that. I didn't think it was that big a deal. I saw where he was coming from in terms of owing my uncle, but I was surprised Frank got that stressed about it. I finally drifted into an exhausted sleep, only to be woken several hours later by the sound of screaming.
The noise broke through to hazy sleepiness in my mind. I probably though the scream was part of my dream, since I didn't bother go and investigate. I just rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Then I heard another scream. I sat up and stared at the door, wondering whether it was Frank. As if to answer my question, another scream echoed through my door. Definitely Frank. Ok, that was dumb really; who else would it be?
I jumped out of bed and ran over to the door. Then I remembered his words from earlier; "I am sick of your company so please leave." He'd hurt me with those words. Was I really that annoying? More importantly, should I go and help him now? Another scream. I shuffled closer to the door, wanting to help but unsure whether I'd just make things worse. I guessed it was like what had happened at Phin's house.
I stood by a door for while, trying to decide what to do. I guessed that Frank had either woken up or his dream had ended as there wasn't anymore screams. I assumed he was dreaming at least. Oh shit - what if it wasn't a dream? What if some fucked up mass-murderer type dude had broken in and was torturing him? What if he was dead?
I squeaked when I heard Frank's door creak open, my idiotic train of thoughts making me nervous. The sound of footsteps came from his room, across the landing and into the bathroom. Anyone else probably would have gone back to bed at this point, but I stayed hovering inside the door. After a few minutes, I heard sobbing from the bathroom.
Yeah, I really had to see what was going on now. I opened my door and crossed the landing to the bathroom door. "Frank?" I murmured. The crying stopped, replaced by small sniffles.
"What do you want?" Although he was obviously trying to control his voice, he was clearly upset.
"Are you ok?" Stupid question really. But what the fuck was I supposed to say?
"I'm fine. Go away Gerard." There wasn't any malice in the command, just hurt. So I ignored it and walked in. The lights were out, but I could make out the form of Frank kneeling on the cold floor, his head bowed. I crouched down next to him.
"What's up?" I whispered.
"Nothing - please, just leave me alone."
"No. You're upset and I want to help."
Frank sighed. In the dark I couldn't tell if he was still crying or not, but guessed he was. "There's nothing you can do Gerard." His voice was broken, on the verge of a sob. "I'm just a weak, stupid, ugly, pathetic faggot."
I was shocked. Frank always seemed tough, sure of himself. Not the type to talk himself down. Where on Earth did this come from? I must have been that dream he had, I guessed, and it must be bad. Was it a memory perhaps? But then, who on the planet could break Frank like this. He was one of the toughest guys I knew. Not at the moment though.
"Don't you dare think that," I said to him. I the dark, I could just make out the outline of his head, so I knew he was looking at me. "You're probably the strongest guys I know - and you sure as hell aren't pathetic. As for ugly, you're gorgeous, you really are."
He muttered something into the dark. I couldn't make it out so continued talking. "I wouldn't call you stupid either - have you ever seen me trying to do math? Yeah, I fail. And personally, I'm glad you're a faggot. If you weren't, you wouldn't be going out with me." I hesitated then, unsure of myself. "We are still going out, aren't we?" I asked slowly.
"'Course," Frank replied. He still sounded upset, but confused too now. "Why wouldn't we be?"
"Well - you were angry at me earlier..." I explained, still hesitant.
"God, I'm sorry." The crying started again now. "I'm just stupid. I told you - I'm just pathetic! I can't even stop myself from crying over a stupid dream! And then I go and upset you over being pissed at myself." I was slightly scared now - Frank was talking really hysterically. "God... why am I even alive?! The world'd be better off it I was fuckin' dead!"
"Shut up!" I hissed when he said the last sentence. He fell silent, apart from the occasional sniffle. God, he was cute. "The world - my world - would be shit if not for you! The only reason I have any friends here is because of you and don't you dare say it'd be better if you weren't in it!"
Frank nodded. I could tell he wasn't convinced though. He was still crying and I felt bad for snapping at him, even if he was being ridiculous. I scooted closer and sat down next to him. I wrapped my arms around him and let the boy cry on my shoulder.
Again, I wondered what the dream was about. Thursday's conversation drifted back to me. I remembered Lissa and Ollie saying that Frank had been bullied when he first moved here. That he hadn't been able to stick up for himself. Maybe something had happened then? I wasn't going to ask him though - I wasn't that stupid.
We sat there for a while in the dark. Frank must have been freezing - he was only in his boxers. I was only wearing a t-shirt more than him, and I was pretty chilly, sitting there on the tiles. I didn't mind though. Being cold was worth it if it meant being close to Frank like this. On an emotional level that is. It was the first time I'd ever seen him with his walls down.
He'd wrapped his arms round my waist. Mine were round his shoulders and his face was buried in my neck. I could feel his warm breathe snaking over my skin. Soon enough, he began to shiver.
"Come on - it's freezing in here. Let's go back to bed." I said. Frank nodded and we untangled our bodies. We left the bathroom and I began to walk back to my room. Frank's voice stopped me.
"Gerard?" I turned. He was standing outside of the bathroom, looking freezing, upset and embarrassed.
"Can I sleep with you?"
I was surprised at that. I'd have thought Frank would have gone back to his own room, gone to sleep, then denied anything had ever happened in the morning. I didn't protest though, just nodded. He walked towards me, arms wrapped around his body. If it wasn't for the tattoos, he'd have looked about twelve. It really was adorable. And that really made me sound like a paedophile!
I grinned to myself at that and lead Frank into my room. I climbed into bed, which had thankfully kept some of its warmth. Frank hesitated before sliding in next to me. Again, I was surprised at how unsure he was. Normally he'd have just got in whether I liked it not. And let's face it - it wasn't like I wouldn't like it.
We lay down next to each other and Frank surprised me again by lying his head on my chest and wrapping his arms around me. I smiled down at him; he really was too cute for words right now. I almost felt like I was taking advantage of him as he was still obviously upset. He'd stopped crying, but tears swam behind his eyes. I was so glad I was there to comfort him, but felt guilty for not waking him up when I heard his first scream.
"Sorry," I murmured softly into his black hair.
"What for?" He mumbled into my chest.
"Not waking you up. I heard you screaming, but wasn't sure whether I should do something or not." I admitted.
"It's ok. It's probably a good thing you didn't actually. Phin did once and I punched her in the face. She had a bruise for weeks. Jared wasn't happy - he was goin' out with her at the time."
I chuckled at that and felt his face shift into a smile. "Do you dream like that often?" I regretted the question as soon as it left my mouth, but I couldn't help it; my curiosity had got the better of me.
"Yeah." The smile had disappeared. "Sometimes. They haven't been too bad recently... but after what happened at Phin's...." His voice faded.
"What are they about?" Why the fuck did I just say that?
"Look Gerard please, I don't wanna talk about it."
"Sorry, I just wanna help you. If you don't wanna talk that's fine - I don't wanna pry."
"S'ok." Frank mumbled, his head still on my chest. The bed wasn't really designed for two so he was half on top of me. I didn't care though. Infect, I liked it. "And Gerard?"
"Hmmm?" I was half asleep at this point.
"Thank you for looking after me," Frank yawned, burying his head in my chest.
I smiled at that. "Any time Frankie, any time."
What do people think happened to Frank - any new theories? I hinted at it here, be interesting to see how many people guess right! I'm not gonna say if you get it right though - that would ruin the story!
Please rate and review - I have become a complete whore for them!