"I'm so sorry."
I have broken my promise to my mom. Frank and I started our relationship before I got it into Matt’s head that we are over and never getting back together. I guess I’m just waiting for the right time. I don’t want to end up with any more bruises to cover up.
My stomach twists in knots as he makes his way over to my lunch table. I want to be sitting next to Frank, but we have decided that I need to get through to Matt before I begin things with someone else.
“Hey, babe,” Matt kisses my cheek softly.
I fake a smile. Frank, Gerard and Mikey are watching us from their table, “Hey, Matt, can we walk outside?”
Matt laces his fingers with mine, guiding me through the double doors. He sits down on the bench, pulling me onto his lap. I don’t want o be here. I want to be with Frank who is gentle and caring. Matt is rough.
Matt brings my hand up to his lips, kissing my tattooed fingers, “Amber, I know I’ve not been the best boyfriend but I want us to work out. I want to give you the world.”
He presses his finger to my lips. “I’ve never met a girl like you before, someone so caring and beautiful at the same time. My heart pounds like crazy when you’re around. I know that I don’t act like I care about our relationship, but I do very much. I love you Amber.”
I stare into his blue eyes trying to force myself to look away. His blue eyes have always captured my attention. My heart is screaming at me to just tell him and face the consequences, my mind insists he deserves another chance, “I love you, too.”
He press his lips against mine, biting them softly. “Can we work on us?”
I know if I don’t end it with Matt, Frank will be so upset. I want to be with him more than anything in the world, but I don’t want to break Matt’s heart after he confessed how much he loves me. I also don’t want him to get angry and hurt me.
I nod, kissing his cheek. What had I just done?
Tears form in my eyes. I try to push them away before Matt notices they are there, but I’m not quick enough. “Why are you upset, Amber?”
“They’re tears of happiness,” I lie, shaking my head.
I did love Matt at one point but not anymore. If I don’t end it with him I’m going to regret it. I love Frank so much. I have to do this. I just wish Frank was here to give me moral support or someone to protect me if Matt lashes out.
Matt is the farthest thing for a perfect boyfriend and he admitted it. He is a completely different person around his friends. Matt constantly pressures me to have sex with him, sometimes he treats me like I don’t exists, he rarely shows how much he ‘loves’ me and more times than not he looses his temper then takes it out on me.
Matt kisses my forehead softly, something he rarely does out of love, “I want you to always be happy.”
Instant guilt flows through me when I meet up with Frank after school. He is smiling as he sees my face for the first time in a few hours. I don’t know what I am going to say to him about Matt. He knows that I had planned on talking to him.
“Did it go okay?” he questions.
I just can’t hold it in. I break down, tears streaming down my face, hair hitting me as I shake my head letting him know I’d done nothing. I can’t comprehend how Frank is able to touch me after I’d broken my promise.
“I couldn’t. He was being all sweet and I was scared of upsetting him. Frank, I didn’t want him to hit me.”
Frank just stands there, fingers running through my hair, “We’ll deal with him together…later. I’m going to bring you home.”
“I’m so sorry,” I mumble as Frank leads me to the car.
“Hey, it’s okay, Amber, it’s alright. You’ve got me…you’re boyfriend,” Frank nudges my cheek with his nose, causing me to giggle.
“Thank you…boyfriend,” I laugh.
“Of course,” Frank says, pressing his lips to mine.
Frank is officially my boyfriend, but I guess in Matt’s mind so is he. I didn’t have a plan on how I’m going to figure this all out but Frank has promised to help me with whatever I need. This gives me confidence.
“What are you thinking about?” Frank asks me, brushing his fingers through my curly hair.
I shake my head, “I’m just trying to figure out what to do.”
“Whatever it is, I’m here to help,” he replies heading towards my house.
I know I’m a terrible person. Frank deserves so much better than how I am treating him. It is all going to blow up in my face and I’m doing nothing to stop it. I suppose I should just be happy that no matter what Frank is going to be there for me.
When I get home later that night, my troubles have me mentally exhausted. I head straight for bed without even turning on my bedroom light or changing out of the clothes I wore to school. I spread myself out on my bed, sighing sleepily. I roll over, feeling something solid beneath me. It is another body.
The person kicks me roughly. “Get off me, bitch!”
I scream, quickly trying to get away from the intruder in my bed. My heart is pounding against my chest. I fall off the bed with a thud, hitting my head on a hard surface. I pull myself up into a standing position and immediately dash towards my light switch. My head is throbbing in pain and I can barely think straight. I find the switch, turning it on.
I gasp as I recognize the intruder who had nearly scared me into an early death.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Jamia is one of my closest friends. We’ve been friends since the day I met her when I was learning to drive; she’s like my older sister. Yet, at that moment as I turn on the lights to see who had trespassed into my bedroom, I have to hold myself back from attacking her.
Jamia laughs loudly. “The look on your face is priceless, Amber.”
“You scared the shit out of me, Jamia. What kind of person does that?” I have to try and control my heart rate so I don’t have a heart attack.
She sits up on my bed, allowing her legs to dangle off the edge of the bed, “The kind of person who misses their younger sister because she hasn’t seen her in over three months and you aren’t here for the dinner we had. I had to surprise you somehow!”
My lips turn into a smile. I tackle her into a hug on the bed, “I missed you, too!”
We settle ourselves under the covers and she begins to tell me about her classes at Princeton and her breakup with a male model that she dated for two weeks.
“He was more into himself than he was me,” she scoffs, playing with a piece of her dark brown hair. She raises her eyebrows at me mischievously. “So your mom tells me that you’re in love with not Matt.”
For a little while, Jamia allowed me to forget about my problems with Frank and Matt, but when she brought it up, the guilt comes back with full force, “I met someone.”
“His name’s Frank Iero,” I explain to her, biting my lip. “I’ve only been talking with him a few days, but it didn’t take long for me to fall for him. He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met and he makes me feel special.”
Her face lightens up immediately. It doesn’t surprise me that she is excited that I met someone else. She can’t stand Matt. Every time I spoke with her, she tried to convince me to end my relationship with him because I needed to be with someone better for me.
“Oh, I’m so happy for you, Amber.”
She pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tightly. “How did the jackass handle the breakup? Has he gotten it through his thick head you’re done for good? He didn’t touch you did he?”
The guilt is eating away at me, “He didn’t.”
“What do you mean?” Realization spreads across her face. “He doesn’t understand you’re not with him?”
I shake my head, “I meant to make him understand, but he began to act really sweet. I felt so bad for him that I couldn’t do it. And Frank asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted but he knows I wasn’t able to talk to Matt. I don’t know what to do, Jamia!”
“Is Frank really okay with this?”
I shake my head again. “I don’t know. If he isn’t he’s too sweet to say anything.”
“Amber,” Jamia scolds me, throwing her hands up in frustration. “You’re lying to the boy you love. You’re going to ruin what you have. I don’t care if he said he’s okay with it. It’s like dating two boys at once.”
Jamia is angry with me. She makes it bluntly obvious. She agrees with my mother. She doesn’t like Matt, but she also doesn’t like the fact that I’m playing both him and Frank. I’m not okay with that fact either, but I’m just so confused. Frank seems willing to help and completely okay with everything. I know I’m just hurting people.
“You have to break up with one of them,” Jamia demands, crossing her arms over her chest making it sound so simple.
“It’s not that easy, Mia!”
The look on her face scares me. She’s never gotten this angry with me before. We’ve never fought about anything. I care about her opinion more than anyone else’s other than my mother’s of course.
“You love Frank? It shouldn’t be that hard for you to make a decision!” she shouts at me, pulling her up from my bed. “I’m going to go to bed. Do the right thing, Amber.”
Tears spill over my cheeks. I’m scared I am going to lose the boy that means so much to me. I cry myself to sleep, thinking about Frank.
Note: Hope you like it :)