"I sprinted up the stairs like a sinner from Satan and ripped the door open to see a far from welcome sight; Frank Iero’s fist propelling mercilessly towards my unsuspecting face."
(#) tortillachip 2011-11-02 02:27:37 PMThere are so many things that I like about this story. I like how you set the mood of the chapter by saying that Gerard was "met with his inappropriately cheery voicemail" and how you showed us that by yelling at Mikey, he had been affected, too. "A vile cocktail of worry, fear and guilt flooded my ugly mind, the snide words that I had yelled at my undeserving, innocent baby brother on a relentless, endless loop in my ringing ears." And that memory about the snowman and wishing he hadn't just ruined their relationship, they were such close siblings. You have great mood-setting abilities. A few more things I like is how you added humor, but it didn't completely change the story. Some people would say that Frank's voice message( which was funny and clever) had completely brightened the mood because Frank is so cute and it would end up being Frerard, though they promised Frikey. It's happened before, and I'm glad you didn't do that. Sorry this is kinda long.
Author's responseDon't apologize - a long review is a good thing! Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me what you liked about it; I wasn't too sure about this chapter, but I'm extremely glad that you liked it! This won't turn into Frerard (not that I have anything against that pairing), this shall be/is a Frikey. I put a little humour in this chapter because the next one is shaping up to be pretty heavy. Thank you very much for reviewing, it's nice to know that someone likes what I write. :)
(#) Sammie_Sunshine 2011-11-02 03:48:11 PMI love this story. but i would like to know who's pov it is from right before i start reading insted of having to figure it out. BUt i still love it
Author's responseThank you, I'll be sure to put the POV in at the beginning of the chapters from now on - thanks for telling me how to improve. I'm glad you like this. Thanks for taking the time to review. :)