"I hate you!"
The door opened, and I watched myself walk in.
“Ryan? Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” I watched myself hurry across the room, and kneel in front of him.
“Brendon… Bren, I have to tell you something.” He said. He took several deep breaths, opened his mouth to speak, but broke down sobbing again.
“Honey, it’s okay.” I watched myself try to reassure him.
“Brendon, do you love me?” Ryan whispered.
“Baby, of course.” I watched myself set my hand against his cheek, trying to soothe him.
“Promise?” He looked so broken and devastated, it made my eyes fill with tears to watch, and to think that I didn’t believe him when he told me what had happened.
“Ryan, what happened?” I watched myself ask. I remembered getting scared, and being slightly angry, for some reason that I couldn’t place.
“Please don’t hate me.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “I had sex.” He said quickly. “With another man.”
“What?” I watched myself croak.
“I didn’t mean to.” He whispered, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. “We met, last night, while I was at the bar, after you went back to hotel.”
“You cheated on me?” I watched myself whisper in disbelief.
“No!” He said quickly. “Bren, listen to me, I didn’t mean to!”
“You cheated on me.” I watched as I shook my head, pulling my hands away from him, like they were burned.
“He started flirting, and I’d been drinking, so I was flirting back, but I told him about you, I told him that I had a boyfriend. He offered to give me a ride back to the hotel, and he seemed nice, so-”
“So you fucked him?” I watched myself yell, jumping to my feet.
“No, honey, it wasn’t like that.” Ryan insisted. “He wouldn’t let me leave, and-”
“How did you get back here?” I watched myself demand.
“I called Jon.” He whispered.
“Yeah? Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I was embarrassed!” Ryan sobbed. “I didn’t want you to see me like that! And I was scared that you wouldn’t believe me!”
“So you stayed with Jon last night?”
“Yeah. He told me that I should tell you. He thought that you’d understand, and I agreed with him.” Ryan cried.
“You don’t see how this sounds like complete bullshit?” I watched myself ask indignantly.
“Please believe me.” He whispered. “I understand if you don’t, but Brendon… please…” Tears were still rolling down his face, and yet I was watching him with disgust. Why didn’t I believe him?
“Please, Brendon. Please forgive me.” Ryan whispered. “I love you. I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
I watched as I bit my lip. My old self’s eyes filled with tears, and I shook my head.
“I can’t believe you, Ryan.” I watched myself whisper, and I felt my heart break again. “I just can’t.”
Ryan buried his face in his hands. Screaming sobs erupted from his throat, and I watched myself walk away from him.
I fell back against the wall, crying harder than I ever had in my life. I sank to the ground, wrapping my arms around myself and sobbing.
“Come on…” Aaron murmured, crouching down and putting his hand on my shoulder.
He offered his hand, and I took it, gripping tightly, and still sitting on the ground sobbing.
Once we were in the hotel room again, Aaron released my hand, and stepped back to sit on the bed. He watched as I sat on the floor, sobbing.
“You fucking bastard!” I screamed at Aaron, rocking back and forth.
“You needed to see it, Brendon.” Aaron said calmly.
“I hate you!” I sobbed, trying to squeeze myself into a tighter ball. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to think, it hurt to exist.
“I know.” He whispered. “I don’t blame you. I’d hate me too.”
I screamed wordlessly into my hands, clutching my face, digging my fingernails into my skin to try to relieve some of the pain.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and Aaron wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m sorry, Brendon.” He murmured.
“No you’re not.” I croaked, sniffling. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have made me do that.”
“Hey, I just showed you. I didn’t make the decisions.”
“Fuck you!” I yelled, jumping to my feet. “Who the fuck are you to tell me about the mistakes I made?”
“The Ghost of Panic’s Past?” He shrugged. “Didn’t we go over this earlier?”
“Get out. Fucking leave.”
“I’m done anyways.” He shrugged. “Get some sleep.” He stood up, and patted my shoulder. I crawled back into bed, and didn’t bother watching him leave.
A/N; Sorry this had taken so long! Lots of stuff has been going on. About a week and a half ago, my dad had a heart attack. He had a quadruple bypass, and he just got out of the hospital a couple days ago. I'm seriously behind in school, and trying to get caught up, which isn't leaving a whole lot of time to write. I tried to update a couple days ago, but when I hit 'submt', my computer crashed. It suuuuucked.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. This is the last chapter with Aaron for a while, but if I follow my plan, it'll be a couple of chapters before the Ghost of Panic's Present in introduced. Please rate and review! PS, the lyric for this chapter title is from 'Dress For The Weather' by Action Item.