Robyn reflects on recent events
I thought all this through as I lay in Gerard's arms. He stared at me, his eyes soft and observant. I realised that I'd been lying here with my scars on show, uncovered by clothes, make up, or any of my usual hiding tactics. He'd seen every last bruise, scratch and scar and for the first time, I seemed not to care. They weren't dark little secrets any more. They didn't have any power over me, I wasn't ashamed to show my scars. He'd reacted differently to how Mikey had. He didn't stare, he didn't ask questions, he just acknowledged that they were there. He accepted them, and in my mind that meant that he accepted me.
Gerard knew that awful things had happened, but he didn't want to know if I didn't want to tell him. He knew that awful things happened to everyone, but sometimes the scars were on the outside. I felt comfortable with another person, me, the weird girl across the street who has three friends and gets bullied and is hurt by her family and still mourning her brother and used to even hurt herself. I felt progress, in my own little world. I was letting people in, some proved themselves as being true to themselves, as the kind, patient, loving people they were, and they almost made up for how the other ones had hurt me.
"Everything is going to be fine, fine, fine." he smiled softly, quoting a favourite song of mine, the CD of which played, it's sound drifting out the window and into the cool street outside.
"I know... But there is no way in hell Mikey is ever gonna take this the right way. Well, if there is a right way to reacting to your girlfriend cheating on you with your brother." I sighed, smacking myself in the head. He held my wrists, frowning.
"Stop slapping yourself, you weirdo." he laughed, "Hopeless, Robyn, I don't know what I'm ever going to do, but some how I'm going to have to teach you to be a little more normal for your own safety."
I smiled, rolling my eyes.
"Yes, because only a crazy person would fall for you and your messed up haircut." I stuck my tongue out at him.
"Fine, you win, oh, I feel so ashamed and insulted!" he wailed, and dabbed comically at his eyes, pretending to cry.
"But seriously, I think we should either tell Mikey now, or when all this is over. Just when he won't react badly... Or is away from us when he does."
He frowned, thinking it over. I just hoped he would make everything okay, like he always did. Truth be told, I didn't want Mikey anywhere near me, but he was Gerard's brother, it wasn't going to happen.
"I think now. He's in police custody, so he can't hurt you. He'll cool off by the time this is all over." he sighed, taking a stray piece of hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. "I don't care about me, he can kick the shit out of me all he wants, but I am never going to let him get to you."
"I know." I said quietly, a little more sober after he'd been so serious. He stared at me for a while, and then his face softened, calm again. He kissed me gently, and then whispered,
"So, uh... How was that for you?" he blushed. "If you don't mind me asking." He stared awkwardly at the ceiling, and I lay there, my cheeks flushing pink.
"Uh... Well, I don't really have much to compare with. It was... Uh..." I couldn't help smiling, on the verge of giggling just a little bit. "Pretty damn good." I coughed, resuming a poker face. His seriousness cracked, face planting the pillow and shaking with laughter at my response.
"Oh, you make me laugh sometimes. It's fabulous."