Mikey loved who his big brother was. Mikey hates who his big brother is. Read, review, rate and feel my love :P
My hero is my big brother.
Everyone else’s hero is my big brother; he used to be mine too, but not anymore. Not after what he’s done. Not after how selfish he’s been. Not after how he’s treated me. Not after how villainous he has been.
Gee is three years older than me and he always knows what’s best.
He may be the older one but he acts fucking infantile, especially when he’s intoxicated; which seems to be every God-forsaken day. He may know what’s best, although I doubt that, he never does it. Always does whatever’s worse. Perhaps he really doesn’t know what’s best anymore. Yeah. I’ll tell myself that. Make the agony of his betrayal a tiny bit more bearable.
He always plays with me, even if he has homework to do.
He never has any time for me anymore. Even if he did, I doubt he’d actually bother to spend it with me. Once it would have killed me inside to know that, but now, largely thanks to my own big brother, I have learnt how to be numb to the endless reels of disappointment that life seems to enjoy chucking my way.
This one time these nasty big boys were picking on me and Gee gave them what for! He called them a naughty name that mommy says I’m not allowed to say or else she'll take all of my toys away from me.
He doesn’t give a shit about me. Or rather, he might do, he just doesn’t know how to show it. Drugs and alcohol tend to have that effect on people. He watched me get beaten up the other day. What did he do? Fuck. All.
He lets me read his comic books and he helps me with all of the words I don’t understand because he’s super smart!
He’s a fucking prick and I’m sick of it! He thinks he’s so smart. Well, he must do, why else would he do this? We haven’t read comics together for ages and I doubt it will happen anytime soon; he’s too off of his face to even make out the words and I don’t think I want to be anywhere near him at the moment, the last thing I need is to get arrested for grievous bodily harm.
He always looks out for me and I know that he’d never hurt me. He said so! He said that even if he got turned into a zombie he would never hurt his little brother!
He hurts me every day and in every conceivable way. He hurts me when he swears at me because he thinks I drunk that beer that he was too drunk to remember necking. He hurts me when insults me for being a better person than he is, for being our parents’ favourite son even though it’s his own fault. He hurts me when I see Mom and Dad tearing each other’s heads off about what to do with him. But he hurt me the most of all when I found him with Frank Iero, neither of them wearing anything and both moaning each other’s names lustfully; hours after I had told Gerard of my two-year crush on the boy he was fucking. The boy I should have been fucking.
He’s a great drawer, too. He always shows me his pictures and says that he draws them all for me. Especially the vampire ones because vampires are my favourite monsters.
He never shows me his art anymore, not that I’ve let him come anywhere near me for the past two weeks. Since he took my first love from me, since he robbed me of all hope, optimism and faith I once had in the world. The last drawing of his that I saw was when he threw a screwed up piece of paper at my head; I had unravelled it to see something that broke my heart. It was Gerard asleep, with a dream bubble showing his own desolate grave. When I’d started crying at seeing it, at realising how bad things were for him, did he come to talk to me or comfort me? Of course he fucking didn’t. He laughed.
When I grow up I want to be just like my big brother!
I hope to whichever corrupt and evil force that runs our pitiful existence that I never, ever turn into the sort of person that Gerard is fast becoming. I would rather die.
I love him so much.
I hate him so much.
But only because I care. Only because I love him too much for my own good.
A/N: Thanks for reading, not entirely sure where that came from but I hope it wasn't too bad and that you liked it. Please PLEASE review! Thank you! :)