I didn't care if it was gone midnight.
I didn't care if it was freezing.
I didn't care if I didn't have a coat.
I was storming down the hotel stairs quicker then lighting, cursing over and over again. Cursing Stuart, the bastard. How could he do that to me? How could he look me in the eye and tell me he loved me then go and do that with my best friend? And Paul? Who was he to steal my lover? Well, he wasn't my lover yet, but maybe if we'd had a bit more time, got to know each other a bit more...
We could have really had something...
I suddenly realised how foolish I'd been. Foolish to believe Sutcliffe's lies, believe he actually cared about me. He'd just done was he was good at; luring people in and getting them where he wants them. He didn't give a stuff about me. And I walked right into it like I always do.
It was only then I realised there were angry tears still sliding down my cheeks. No matter how hard I tried to get rid of them they stayed there, stuck to my face. My anger was settling down, replaced with sheer guilt and humiliation. I was so stupid. Stupid to think for a moment that Stuart was actually in love with a dopey little schoolboy half his age. Why did I always get myself into these situations? John was right, I didn't know what love was. And here I was sobbing like an infant over a guy that wasn't even worth it.
He's not worth it...
None of it's worth it anymore
Why am I even here?
For a moment, I started walking. Where to I didn't know. I was just walking away from the hotel. Maybe I was walking away from the band, maybe i was walking away from Stu. I don't know, I just walked. As if someone was calling me to the flashing lights ahead of me.
Stuart was running down the road after me though I didn't turn around to look at him. I just kept walking as the sky rumbled above me and the rain began pouring, soaking me to the skin. But I just kept walking. If Stuart hadn't caught up with me, I may have walked on forever.
"George" he spun me around so I was facing him. I kept my eyes to the floor.
"Jesus Christ" he took off his coat and wrapped it around my shoulders, "You must be freezing"
"What do you care?" I muttered harshly
He blinked, surprised by my reaction but then shook his head.
"George, what you saw in there...it was a mistake-"
"DON'T LIE!" my mind screamed out. Then I realised I'd actually said it. He stared at me. I was normally so quiet, so timid. This wasn't me. I knew it wasn't me.
"George, please let me explain"
"Do you think I'm daft? I know what I saw! You're a liar, you've always been a liar! And you're not just that either. I know exactly what you are! You're a queer!"
I covered my mouth as soon as that word left my lips. But it was too late.
I'd said it and there was no taking it back.
I expected Stu to lose it, I expected him to decapitate me with his bare hands. But he didn't.
Instead he took a step back. He was looking at me as if I'd whipped him, he had an odd glint of sadness in his eyes. He looked wounded.
He took another step back and this time turned and spoke to me over his shoulder.
"I didn't think you were like that Baby" he said quietly and started walking back to the hotel.
Part of me wanted him to go. But I wasn't finished yet. This was a once in a life chance to tell Stuart Sutcliffe how I really felt about him.
"So that's it then..." I said called, "You're just going to walk away like you always do. Coward"
That word...something about it seemed to send a chill down Stu's soul. He paused, allowing the rain to soak him some more. I didn't stop.
"So who's it after me? Pete, John. Maybe Brian?"
Those fists clench a litte
You're pissing him off
"And when you're done with them, who knows. Maybe you'll move onto girls"
George, shut up, SHUT UP!
"Cos nobody likes a queer do they? Nobody likes someone who rapes other boys"
Jesus Christ, do you want to get decapitated?
"I mean, did you think people would actually believe you were still straight if they found out? Come on, a homo in a band, it's unnatural-"
"It's true alright!?" he spun round and marched back towards me, "I'm a queer. Always have been. Yeah I fancied the arse of John, yeah I did want Paul but I meant what I said. I love you now, you're the only one that I want. Not John, not Paul, not anyone else! I don't care if you don't believe me. I just can't live without you. I love you George Harrison!"
And the he was kissing me again.
And the warm feeling returned.
I couldn't stop myself.
When he finally pulled away, licking the drool from his lips, I could see he was crying as well. He cupped my face with his hands and bought his face closer to mine so he whispered to me through the rain.
"I want to be with you George. But there's something I need to do first"
I swallowed. He bent his head further.
"Will you help me?"
I felt my mind go all blurry. What was I getting myself into? Was I possibly making the worst mistake of my life?
I closed my eyes and nodded. Stuart leaned over and kissed me again before putting his arm around me and leading me back to the hotel. Once we were back in the warmth of the corridor, he looked into my eyes again, the florescent water still dripping from his hair.
"Right then. Here's what I need you to do"