Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Playhouse

Lonely Lonely

by Wicked_Lovely 5 Reviews

Don't you go changing for me.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Horror,Romance - Characters:  - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2011/11/29 - Updated: 2011/11/30 - 1723 words - Complete

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Brendon dragged himself through the front door. His heart was heavy and he felt overly guilty for not telling Sarah the truth. Ryan was never mentioned as he broke down in her arms, crying over nonsense that she couldn't understand. All the while his mind repeated that she wasn't where he belonged. She never was. He dropped his keys on the table by the door, going into the kitchen to get a beer. He wanted to see Ryan, but he was terrified. He knew that he wouldn't be awake, at least, he hoped he wasn't awake. On the off chance that he was, Brendon knew he would end up being in tears. That all of the guilt would wash over him. He didn't want to be broken in front of Ryan, he wanted to be strong, so he could pull them both out of the hole they were in.
He gave a small sigh, taking off his jacket and tossing it in the chair that Ryan hated. He let a smile grace his lips as the thought of the older boy holding Brendon in his arms, rocking him back and forth when his last girl dumped him. Ryan had cared for him, telling him that everything would be okay as he sang him to sleep. He popped the cap on the bottle, bringing it to his lips as he walked to his room. He opened the door slowly, looking at the unconscious boy on the other side. He sat down next to the bed, taking in every aspect of Ryan's faint features.
His pale skin sucked in the moonlight that was let in from slits between the curtain over his window, making it seem as if it glowed. His light chestnut hair was skewed onto the pillow, falling into his face in a way that Brendon could only describe as adorable. There were dark bags under his eyes, his thin pale lips giving him a serene look. He looked peaceful and serene. So still and calm, almost as if he were dead.
Brendon's smile faded. He wasn't breathing. He quickly moved to check for a pulse, putting his fingers against Ryan's neck. The older boy shifted in his sleep, opening his honey eyes before whispering almost inaudible words.
"Brendon?" The younger male gave a small sigh of relief, sitting back in his chair. He gave a small smile.
"Morning Ryan. How are you feeling?" Ryan stared a him, his eyelids heavy as he tried to stay awake.
"My side and arm hurt." His voice was groggy, but he still sounded a little happy to have Brendon by his side.
"Do you want me to go get you something?" Ryan shook his head no, moving his good arm to try and touch Brendon's cheek. The younger boy moved, crawling into bed with him. Ryan curled up next to him, burying his face in Brendon's chest.
"I used to hate you, Urie." He whispered the words against Brendon's skin, the V-neck he was wearing making it easy to get to the skin on his collar bone. Brendon stayed silent, the boy being unable to find the words he needed to respond. After a minute of complete silence, he replied.
"What about now?" He put his arms around Ryan's waist, the older boy pulling himself closet to the younger male. He was desperate for his warmth, for the subtle sent of mango's and strawberries, the smell of his cologne mixed with Sarah's perfume, and the soft sent that could only be Brendon. He closed his eyes, listening to Brendon's soft breathing.
"I love you." The words were hardly spoken, the sentence closer to being mouthed than actually spoken. He could hear Brendon's heart start to race, his breathing quickening.
"What?" Ryan stayed quiet, afraid of saying the words again. He didn't know how Brendon would react, and having him there as a friend was better than not having him at all. He felt Brendon push the hair out of his face and looked up to see the younger boy smiling down at him. "Ryan, can you keep a secret?" Ryan nodded yes. Brendon bent so he could whisper in the older boys ear. "I love you, back."

Spencer was having an argument with himself. At least, that's what an on looked would think; watching a man whisper to the shadows. What he was seeing, was completely different from that of the normal human. He wasn't alone with the dark, even if it was all just in his head.
Jon sat at the end of his bed, whispering words that Spencer would always argue with while cradling the younger boys head in his hands. "Think about everything I've done for you. You would be dead without me. I just don't want them to break you. Don't you understand why I'm asking you to do this?" Jon was trying to sound calm, keeping his voice low in a soothing manor, but Spencer could hear the slightest amount of venom in his words.
"I don't know if I can. He's my friend Jon, we used to be as thick as thieves." Spencer sounded pathetic, and he knew it. His voice was cracking as tears formed in his icy blue eyes. Jon pushed the hair out of Spencer's face, giving a soft sigh.
"I know darling, but it's him or me at this point. Which one will you choose Spence?" Tears leaked out of Spencer's eyes, but he sat up, wiping the tears out of his eyes. He sniffled as he stood, feeling Jon's arms wrap around him. He could feel Jon's cold breath on his neck, his icy lips against the skin on his cheek. "I love you Spencer, please don't forget." Spencer nodded, shuffling to the door.
"I know." He walked out of the room, making his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a knife and a piece of fabric, walking to Brendon's room on weak legs. Just thinking about it made him feel guilty, so he listened to the voice in his head; he let it whisper sweet nothings, listened to it's tainted reasoning, it's loving sentiments, it's hateful profanities. He listened to the voice in his head, like a softly sung melody, he used it to calm him, to tell him that everything would be okay. He listened as the whispers grew louder, his favorite sound growing impatient as he reached the door.
Spencer walked into the room, looking at the sleeping boys that curled into each other. Brendon was holding his target protectively, and Spencer knew it would just make everything harder. He walked to the bed, brushing the hair out of Brendon's face gently.
"Mmn,...RY." He snuggled closer to the weak form, and Spencer had to stop himself from letting out the voices crooked laugh. He gently wrapped the cloth around Brendon's mouth, tying it at the back of his head. Slowly and silently he walked around the bed, careful to make sure the two were still sleeping. He let his hand hover over the boy's mouth, gripping the knife tightly in his other hand. He put the tip of the knife against the boy's chest, watching as he rustled slightly in his sleep.
In the dark, Spencer smirked down at the boys, only it wasn't Spencer. The person who clasped Ryan's mouth and pierced his heart with the silver of the knife was no where near being Spencer; it was a monster, a creature of the night, the voice in the back of Spencer's mind. And it watched, it watched as the life left Ryan's body, watching the boy struggle as he clung to any hope of taking another breath. When he was finished, the voice pulled the knife out of Ryan, and let go of Spencer.
Now the smirk left his face, and his eyes widened as he realized what he had done. Across the room Jon stood by the door, arms crossed as he smiled at Spencer with a smug satisfaction. Spencer started to shake and he quickly left the room, moving as fast as he could to get away from the awful thing he had done. He stumbled into the washroom, staring at himself in the mirror. The lights seemed to flicker, or maybe he was just hallucinating. As he stared at his reflection, he didn't see his baby blues, but rather dark brown orbs filled with malice. He blinked and they were back to their light blue form, the eyes that he had grown up with. He looked down at his hands, staring at the blood that had come from his oldest friend, his brother.
Spencer remembered the days in the house, blood on the walls, the dirty floors that he was always collapsed onto. The loneliness that had built up inside of him as he stayed trapped in the large house. He was completely alone, eating anything he could find as he tried desperately to get out. He couldn't remember everything that had happened. But he knew that he had a number of delusions to make it seem like it was a good thing. His heart raced, and he let out a sharp breath.
He brought one of his shaking hands up to the surface of the mirror, seeing Jon standing behind him. As he used the warm blood that stayed sticky on his fingers to write the four letter word, he felt Jon by him. In front of him. Behind him. He was everywhere. And the voice spoke once more in a soothing voice.
"I love you Spencer."


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Thank you to all of the people that reviewed last chapter, it was awesome. I'm sorry I can't respond to them tonight, I'm running a little bit late and don't have any time. So they do mean a lot, and I'll definitely do it again next chapter.
If there are any errors in this story, then please tell me. My fingers were typing faster than the computer could comprehend, and it made probably a lot of errors. I tried to fix them all.
Anyway, there's only going to be one more. (Chapter I mean.) So I hope this wasn't to much of a trippy chapter and that most of you could follow along. Even if you couldn't, next chapter should be able to explain it all.
-xoxo Pansy.
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