Just read..if ya want.
Okay, let me get this straight. I wake up late to find one of my best friends crying his fucking eyes out in his bunk for reasons he cant say, and my two other best friends, who also happen to be brothers, at the back of the bus, kissing.
What the actual fuck?
I focus back on the room and look at Gerard and Mikey; they're staring at me with horrified looks on their faces. I sigh.
'Start from the beginning,' I say sitting oppisite them.
'Well....,' Gerard began, 'I've liked Mikey...in THAT way for...years I guess, but I only really noticed it in the last couple months..'
'And I've liked Gerard for ages,' Mikey cut in, 'but only just realised it now.'
'But, I told Mikey before he realised and things got a bit awkward..'
'And then I told Gerard I liked him too...'
'And Frank walked in on us just before we were gonna kiss and....'
'He burst into tears,' I finish.
'Yeah,' Gerard sighed. He has no clue does he?
'Please tell me you know why Frank's crying, Gerard?' I asked. He looked at me and blinked.
'Because his two best friends who are also brothers were gonna kiss....'
'Its because he's in love with you Gerard,' I say bluntly. Hes he really never noticed the way Frank looks at him? Oh, of course, he's been too busy looking at Mikey in the same way. What the fuck have these guys gotten themselves into?
'W-w-what?!' Gerard stammered, 'b-but Jamia? He, he cant be in love with me! You have got to be shitting me!?'
'One, people can sometimes fall in love when they're not supposed to, you and Mikey included. Two, he can be in love with you, because he is. And three, no Gerard, I am not shitting you.'
Gerard ran a hand through his hair and Mikey just stared at me with his famous poker face.
'I should go and talk to him,' Gerard muttered.
'Yes. Yes you should,' Mikey replied.
I stumble up from my seat and head towards Frank's bunk, still not having fully processed what Ray just said. Frank. Confident, hyper, MARRIED Frank, can't be in love with me, can he?
Yes, he can, you douche.
But Ray could be wrong, you won't know until you ask him.
You just don't want him to be in love with you, as long as your own brother is.
I try to clear my thoughts as I cautiously approach Frank's bunk, breath becoming sharp.
I don't know how long I stand there for, but it feels like forever, just staring at Frank's bunk. I try to stay silent but listening to his weeps is becoming difficult; he's my best friend, I still care about him.
'Frank,' I say, my voice sounding croaky and sad.
'Go away!' he says in a voice much stronger than his whimpers had been.
'Frank, please. I just really need to talk to you.'
'Well I don't want to talk to you.' He says the words bluntly, no emotion at all. And it hurts. My own best friend doesn't want to talk to me, probably never will again.
'Well, I am not moving from here until you come out and talk to me,' I say with as much defiance in my voice as I can muster.
'Nope, I'm not going anyway,' I say, sitting down by his bunk.
'Fine then!' Frank cried, whipping open the curtain and jumping out, narrowly missing my head. I looked up at him, he looked...well, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot from all the crying he'd been doing, his usually carelessly immaculate hair was messy and slightly tangled, his eyeliner smudged to half way down his face, skin pale. He looked a mess.
'Oh, Frankie,' I sigh.
'DON'T CALL ME THAT!' he yelled, making me jump slightly. He sighed.
'What did you want, anyway?'
'Just to talk, Frank,' I replied.
'Then talk,' he said bluntly. I froze, a lump in my throat, unsure of what to say. I swallowed and rose from the ground.
'Well, I guess walking in on.....Mikey and me was a bit of a shock but I-I don't want it to come in between..us. I care about you Frank, and I don't want to lose you.' I finished speaking and just stood there in eerie silence until Frank looked into my eyes.
'I don't wanna lose you either Gerard, it was just a shock.'
'I know. And Frank?'
'Are you...ya know, in love with me?' He giggled his high pitched, girly giggle.
'Honestly, you're so vain, thinking everyone's in love with you!' I laughed too and smiled at him but, as I looked into his eyes, there was something unrecognisable there, something blurry and hidden from view. I wish I could work out what it was...
Lying to Gerard hurt. A hell of a lot. But I have to. I can't let my stupid, immature feelings for my perfect best friend hurt him or Jamia or anyone else for that matter. I just have to pretend everything's okay. It'll work itself out, eventually.
'Do you wanna coffee?' Gerard asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I stare up at him. I hate being short.
'Yeah, shall I get Mikey and Ray?' I asked.
'That'd be good thanks, Frankie,' he said, smiling a heart-breaking smile at me, showing all of his small teeth. I just stared at him for a second before turning and walking towards the back of the bus, heart fluttering at the thought of facing the other guys. What would they say? Did they know I loved Gerard? Oh god, what if they did. What if Mikey did?! I guess him and Gerard are...together now. Jesus, that's weird to say.
I approach the back of bus a cautiously open the door, poking my head round.
'Frank!' Ray says, 'are you okay? Damn, Gerard must have superpowers to get you out of that bunk!' I laugh.
'Yeah, I'm alright thanks.' I look towards Mikey to see he's smiling at me, genuinely smiling at me. Thank fuck, he must not know.
'Oh, Gerard's making coffee by the way.'
'Heck yeesss!' says Mikey, jumping up and walking past me towards the kitchen. Me and Ray follow him and sit down to wait for our coffee. Mikey walks out of the kitchen, smiling slightly, and sits down next to me. That smile gives me an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
'Coooffeeeee!' Gerard calls as he brings out two steaming mugs and gives one to me and one to Mikey.
'Thanks sugar,' Mikey says.
'Anytime, babe,' Gerard replies, winking at him and making me stomach do flips as I take a gulp of my coffee, it burns my throat and I spit the contents of my mouth out onto the table, just as Gerard walks out with his and Rays mugs.
'Careful Frankie, it's hot,' says Gerard, giggling. Oh his giggle. High pitched, melodic, completely unmanly and so, so adorable. I sigh.
'I'd noticed.' He giggles again and sits next to Mikey who takes hold of Gerard's hand and smiles at him. I use all my strength to stop the monster of jealousy that's raging inside me jumping out and devouring Mikey. I just sit there. Watching them drink coffee and laugh, Ray joining in occasionally. I just sit there and think 'why me?'