Frank struggles with leaving Hayley alone. Hayley struggles with being alone.
Hayley whimpered, her limbs weak and numb. Frank smiled down at her, "Is this how he does it?" His taunting voice asked as he traced a finger along her breast, up to her nipple. Hayley cried out as he pinched her nipple, excruciating pain running through her entire breast. The drugs made her feel slow... but at the same time they made her feel so much more aware of everything, every single touch... The pain? It was completely present, haunting her body.
As Hayley's eyes burned in to Frank's she couldn't see anything resembling the man she loved behind his eyes. He was a monster, full of hate. "I hate you." Hayley whispered. The hardest part of uttering that sentence was... even now, it was a complete lie. Hayley couldn't hate Frank.
Even as pain tore through Hayley's body again and Frank leaned down, whispering in her ear. "I'm going to kill you tonight. If I can't have you... no one will Parker." Even as the terror of his words settled in and Hayley thought she wouldn't live past the night... She loved him. She knew... she would always love him. Hatred just wasn't as simple as people made it out to be. So, what had she done to make Frank hate her so much? Despite everything, that was what plagued her thoughts as darkness pressed down upon her. Sweet relief flooded her body as she fell unconscious, only to be brought awake by Frank minutes later.
"I'm not nearly done with you." Frank whispered, that same hatred lacing his words.
At that point Hayley was wishing for death to come.
Gerard left. I was alone. Frank never came back. Where was he? I desperately wished I had my phone with me... Where was it? Coldly, I realized Frank had violently thrown it against the wall when I'd attempted to call for help... Now I wanted to call for him. How terribly confused was I? In love with a man that had abused me and then left me. Alex had come home. Alex had been the one to bring me to the hospital. Alex would still be here... but I told Alex to go.
Tears fell down my face as I sat in my hospital bed, staring at the blindingly white walls that offered me no solace for the things that had been done to my body.
Gerard's parting words left me feeling lonely and stupid. He had warned me about the dangers of reacquainting myself with Frank. Was he the reason Frank never came back to me? Did his friends think I had caused his drug use? Had I?
Despite being told that I wasn't to blame... I felt guilt push down on me, causing my breathing to come out a little harsher. It was strange when at times like this... Emotional suffering could turn physical. The warm wet tears plastered themselves upon my cheeks, my breathing increased in volume, sobs broke free from my throat... I was a mess physically because of my emotional state.
Seconds turned to minutes and as I stared blindly at the wall those minutes turned to hours and soon enough I had no idea what time it was... I doubted anyone was coming back. I had made my decision. I chose the man that didn't seem to care for me any longer, casting the one that had been there for me all along far away. Now I got to know what it was like to be alone. It wasn't a nice feeling.
I heard footsteps in the back of my mind and figured someone was walking past my room but then my door opened. Was it the nurse? I didn't even turn to look. "Oh, baby." The voice I'd looked for comfort in spoke and my eyes snapped in the direction of my father. He was awkwardly standing next to the door, clutching the doorknob, tears falling down his face. He quickly scanned the room in confusion before asking a question that I was still asking myself, "Where is Frank?"
The pain I felt at that question was unexplainable. "He... he left me." I whispered.
"He left you?" My dad stepped closer, sounding disgusted. "In this condition?"
Numbly I shook my head, looking away from him. "He left me before this." He did this to you! My mind screamed at me that Frank wasn't the one I should be protecting. I had the urge to protect myself but I couldn't. I couldn't just turn Frank in like that. I couldn't be the cause of his pain, though he had no problem being the cause of mine.
"Oh, baby girl... Why didn't you call me?" My father asked, sitting in the chair next to me. I could feel his eyes on me, taking in my battered appearance. Why was he here?
I couldn't stop the question. It slipped past my lips before I could even regret the thought, "Why are you here? You left me too."
"Frank called me... He told me you were in the hospital." He sounded uncomfortable. Was this situation making him as uncomfortable as it was making me? "You could have called anytime Hayley." That's a goddamn lie. I wish he wouldn't lie to me.
Staring at him in disdain would never be enough. I felt the urge to tell him how I felt. I was so sick of lying to people. It was never for my benefit, always for theirs. When would I grow a fucking backbone and start watching out for myself? "Is that right Dad?" I asked, shaking my head. "I recall you telling me to get out of your house, to get out of your life. I remember how I told you I was in love and you couldn't handle it. You couldn't handle that your little girl wasn't so little anymore. I remember coming to you with something that should have been a good thing and I remember vividly how you made it in to a bad thing." I had been holding those thoughts in for awhile and it was nice to have them out, no longer crowding my mind.
I watched as my dad's eyes widened in horror at my words and he grasped for the correct thing to say to defend himself, "I just- It was hard to hear-"
I cut him off, "I don't care anymore. All you did was show me that I didn't need you. I wanted you in my life but you burned that bridge. I'm sorry but I don't want you in my life anymore." Oh god, did I really just say to my dad? Take it back! Take it back now you fool! ...I didn't take it back.
I watched as my dad slowly nodded and stood, walking to the door. He paused before leaving, "Call me if you change your mind." He said, voice heavy with emotion.
What had I done? Alex, and now my Dad? My hands were shaking badly as I closed my eyes and tried to ignore what had just happened. Why did I think that was a solution? Quite frankly... I was just confused. I didn't know what to do but everything I did end up doing felt wrong. I felt as if I were allowing people to use me, treat me badly and I was sick of it. This was a wake up call. I needed to change my life. I just wasn't sure how to, or in what way I wanted it changed... All I knew was so far I was making quite a few mistakes. I didn't want Alex gone. I didn't want my Dad gone. I didn't want to be stuck in this hospital bed, bruised and broken. I wanted something else. ... But what?
I was exhausted, staring at my apartment with disgust. What had I done? I obviously hadn't fixed anything. Upon kicking Kyla out I had decided to 'fix' things. I wanted things to look different. I wanted my apartment to be different. I didn't want the memory of Hayley's assault to linger with me while I ate, while I did my homework, while I watched television, while I did anything...
Well, after hard work I had managed to pull the carpet out of my apartment... trash the entire place... throw a lot of shit away... clean... then get rid of my couch and bed. Was I going to get my deposit back? Probably not. Did I have a place to sleep? No. How about a place to sit? The fucking floor.
This all started when I noticed spots of blood on my bedroom carpet, whilst making out with Kyla. I promptly stopped and began to attempt to clean the spots. Guess what gets blood out of carpet? I couldn't guess correctly so I tore the fucking carpet out.
Surprisingly that didn't make me crazy enough to cause Kyla to leave. She didn't leave until I started crying and telling her that I loved Hayley. Yeah, by that time I had taken six shots of vodka and gone through four beers. Did I not mention that I was drunk? About that...
Kyla told me I could never have Hayley but I could have her. Did I want her? No, I did not want Kyla. I'd never wanted Kyla. Kyla couldn't measure up to Hayley. Kyla tried too hard. Kyla was a fucking bitch. Kyla was still game for a make out session after I told her how I felt about Hayley. Oh yeah, Kyla was a slut. That's when I told her to get out and brushed my teeth. Harsh? A little.
Flicking on the bathroom light switch brought me face to face with my own reflection. My eyes were bloodshot, my hair messy. I splashed ice cold water on my face before starting a shower. As I waited for the water to get hot I wondered just what I would do... I wanted to check on Hayley but... with Frank around it felt wrong. Why would she chose Frank over me? How could she be in love with a guy like that? It disgusted me. Worse, it made me cry. Again. Tonight was proving to be very emasculating. I still loved Hayley. Why try to lie to myself? I knew I'd probably always love her. Until the day she died... which might not be too far from now with Frank by her side.
After surviving Gerard and Mikey's speech about violence and drugs I had finally escaped, telling them I desperately needed to see Hayley. It saddened me to know that the only reason they let me go see her was because of the fact that she was in a hospital with other people around. I wasn't going to randomly go up and start beating her. I wasn't a fucking monster.
Well... I kind of was and I kind of did just randomly decide to beat and rape her but... but nothing, I guess. I really am just that terrible. The cold wind that burned my cheeks wasn't nearly enough pain for what I had done. I even took my hoodie off so that I could suffer a little more, allowing the cold to seep in to my bones.
Gerard didn't want me to see Hayley ever again. He wanted me to cut off all contact, even after rehab. I couldn't do that! Mikey had at least defended me, much to my surprise. He believed that I should simply cut off contact until after rehab and then see her, supervised. How terrible would that be? I would only get to see the girl I love with my friends watching me.
I would take what I could get though.
Finally I reached the hospital, freezing cold. I wondered if Hayley even missed me... Was she glad that I hadn't come back immediately? I had wanted to. My friends had stopped me. Mikey's words had stopped me. I was a danger to her. I didn't want to be a danger to her. I kept promising myself that if I got mad about anything that I would leave her presence immediately. Would it be that easy though? I didn't even feel angry towards her anymore. I had no reason to. Now I just felt overwhelming guilt because of what I had done.
I walked to Hayley's hospital room, after getting told by one of the nurses that visiting hours were over. When I said Hayley's name she allowed me to visit anyway. That just made me realize how bad what had happened to Hayley really was. Even the nurses... who saw terrible things every single fucking day... found it horrible.
When I opened up Hayley's door I didn't see her on the bed. In confusion I walked to the adjoining bathroom and knocked, "Hayley? It's me. I'm sorry I didn't come back earlier." No response. I knocked again. "Parker?" I asked, voice rising in slight panic.
Upon opening the bathroom door I found the bathroom completely empty. Where was Hayley?
My feet moved faster than my mind and I could barely form the words as I found a nurse, "Where is Hayley Parker?" I finally managed to get out, staring at her. I hoped desperately for her to be able to give me an exact location but as she made her way to Hayley's room I knew it was no use. She had no idea where Hayley was.
As the nurse spoke to another nurse frantically I pulled out my cell phone and called Gerard and Mikey, begging them to stop by Alex's to see if Hayley was there. I didn't want to show up there. I knew Alex wouldn't react well to that but I... I needed to know that she was okay.
(Third Person POV)
Gerard pulled to a stop outside of the apartment building he had been directed to. Mikey was sitting in the passenger's seat, deathly silent. "What is it?" Gerard finally asked.
Mikey shrugged, "Should we really be tracking Hayley down for Frank? I mean, maybe she left because she didn't want him to know where she is..."
Gerard thought it over and shook his head, "We can at least make sure she's okay. She wasn't really... in the best mood when I left earlier." He admitted.
Mikey didn't ask any further questions as he got out and followed his brother in to the building. Something inside was nagging at him though... He didn't think they should be fueling Frank's obsession. If Hayley left the hospital without telling Frank then she probably had a reason for doing so...
"Here we are." Gerard breathed in deeply and knocked on the door.
Minutes later a tall, well built, blonde haired man pulled open the door and stared out at them. "What?" He asked.
"Are you Alex?" Mikey asked.
Alex stared at them suspiciously for several seconds before nodding, "Yeah, and you are?"
"Gerard Way." Gerard stuck his hand out, "And this is my brother Mikey."
Alex nodded, "You're in the band with that douchebag that hospitalized my best friend. Get the fuck out of here."
Mikey stepped back, slightly intimidated.
Gerard simply stood his ground, "Is Hayley here?" He asked, attempting to remain polite.
Alex shook his head, "Has he done something to her again? Is she not at the hospital?" Both men watched this 'tough' guy begin to crumble before their very eyes. "Tell me now!"
"She's... not at the hospital. That's why we thought she would be here." Mikey said, after an uncomfortable silence filled with Alex staring at them with worry.