Eliza finally tells Gerard how she feels...
Run Away Like It Was Yesterday
“You’re my best friend Gerard.” I cried into his hoodie. “Never leave me.” He held me closer to him than I thought possible.
“You know I’d never leave you Eliza.” He hushed, sounding almost equally upset. It was winter, 2004. It was so cold, yet still he had run away with me like I begged him to. We sat in each other’s warmth in the heath. In the pitch blackness of the December night. The light sprinkles of snow settling on his midnight coloured hair. So beautiful.
“They won’t stop screaming at each other.” I sobbed.
“It’s alright.” He stroked my dirt coloured hair. “They were throwing stuff, breaking glass. Daddy kept shouting and mum wouldn’t stop screaming and crying.” He wrapped his warm arms around my small body, pulling me into his comforting heat.
“I’m so scared Gee.”
“I know Eliza.” He whispered, his voice hoarse from the cold.
“As long as I’m here, you’ll be okay. I promise.”
I winced at the memory. It was such a terrible past time it made me feel ill. Sick witch anxiety. Yet, at the same time it was such a comforting memory. Memories like that made me feel safe to know that I would always find home in Gerard.
The heath was beautiful, more so than I remembered it to be. The view from the parked car looked out over the wide spread of land; pale reds and ambers scattered over the heath and lightened the cloudy day, appealing to the dying October weather. The long grass blew in the strong wind along with the slowly moulting trees.
The air was chilled outside, but we sat in the sweet warmness of Gerard’s car. I peered at Gerard through my anxious eyes. He still didn’t look at me.
“Gerard?” I spoke quietly. He raised his deep orbs and our gazes stuck. I was unable to break the bond our eyes had created. He studied me with such love it made my heart swell.
And there was that urge again. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to let him know I loved him back. But no. I couldn’t. Because I didn’t. We needed to talk, not kiss and allow him to be sucked up in my own confusion and uncertainty.
At least he knew how he felt about me and didn’t leave me hanging. There was nothing else I could have wished for than to understand my feelings for Gerard. I wanted to be in love with him. Being with him made me feel so complete it was impossible to accept that we were just friends. But there was another side to me. Another side which told me that Gerard was my friend. My best friend and we weren’t meant to fall in love because that isn’t how best friends work. When you found your soul mate you would know instantly that they were the one. It wasn’t meant to be a constant struggle over deciding if you loved someone or not, was it?
My other side also warned me that the friendship we shared was too important to risk. It warned me and scared me that if I allowed myself to fall for Gerard our relationship would disintegrate in the end, leaving me with nothing, again.
Before I knew it words began to tumble from my mouth.
“I know it seems like I’ve been messing you around, Gerard, with all the kissing and stuff. But I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t.” I rambled. “Well, the thing is, like I told you last night, I need time.”
Gerard listened to me, his brow raised slightly as I spoke.
“It’s just, well, when you told me that you loved me, it really shocked me. Not in a bad way though. It just surprised me, and I don’t know how I feel, but, I do know that I feel, I feel a lot more for you than I have done.”
I bit down on my lip, realizing that I was messing everything I wanted to say up and probably wasn’t making any sense at all.
I took a deep breath.
“What I mean is, I know we’re more than best friends now. I feel a lot more for you than a best friend should. I need time to think about what’s best and I need to understand my feelings for you.”
I took his hand in mine.
“You’re the one person I’m so, so close to. You’re my everything Gee, you really are. And I don’t want to lose you again, which is why I need to be sure.”
All the thoughts I had been so desperate to tell Gerard since he admitted his emotions for me had been imprisoned inside of me. But now they had escaped, set free from my body and revealed themselves to Gerard.
“I need to be sure that I love you.” I clutched his hand tighter. “Because you are so important but I don’t wanna’ think I’ve fallen in love and then argue or break up because it doesn’t work out.”
Gerard stared at me, his jaw trembled and his eyes were glazed over with tears. I wasn’t sure if I had made him happy or upset him, all I was sure of that I was trying to stop the lump in my throat from transforming into sobs.
“I need you in my life no matter what.”
Gerard nodded sharply, before reaching his outstretched arms to me and embraced me to his body tightly. He nuzzled his face into my neck and I could feel his hot tears sting my skin, instantly setting me off.
“And like I said to you last night Eliza, I’ll wait for you.” His voice quivered across my bare flesh.
“I’ll always be waiting for you.”
I swooned at his words and cried silently on his shoulder, running my hands through his raven hair like I had longed to.
“Thank you.” I whispered.
“What time do you have to be at school?” Gerard asked after minutes of us simply holding each other. “Break time.” I sniffed, pulling out of his arms. “I was gonna’ go in and study, unless you have the morning off too…”
“I do.” He smiled, but then his smile faltered.
“But doesn’t Alex want to talk to you?” Gerard almost spat Alex’s name. I couldn’t blame him.
“Like he matters.” I shrugged. “Come on, we can make up for our lost time.”
Gerard gave a faint grin and started the engine.
“Anywhere you want to go sugar? The world is our oyster.” He joked.
I laughed and sat back in the car seat.
“I think just a trip to the coffee shop would be fine, for now.”