“You tired?” I ask as I drive.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to go home,” Amber says voicing my thoughts.
“Where do you want to go,” I answer.
“You know that hill towards Newark that looks out over the whole city?”
“The one where teenagers go to have sex and murderers dump bodies?”
Amber laughs softly, “That’s the one.”
“Is that where you want to go?”
“Yeah, just someplace where we can be alone and we can’t go home because your mom won’t let me in the house and Mikey will come check on us every five minutes.”
“Alright, one secluded make out slash body dump spot with city skyline coming up.”
Amber laughs again.
We drive in silence to the hill. Amber keeps her head on my shoulder until we reach the road that leads up to the spot she’d mentioned. I finally pull the car off on the lookout so that the city lights are directly in front of us. Jersey is kind of nice at night this far away from the action.
“To be honest with you this seems like the start of a very cheesy science fiction horror movie,” Amber announces though her gaze is set on the city below us.
“Attack of the Giant Mutant Space Chimps,” I reply.
Amber laughs as she unbuckles her seatbelt, moving to sit closer to me. I do the same, wrapping my arm around her. The radio is playing quietly acting as nothing more than dull muted background noise.
“Frankie?” Amber says as she plays with my tie.
“Yeah,” I answer.
“Where do we go next?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… how do we take things to the next level? Where do we go next?”
I run my fingers up and down Amber’s bare arm as I assess her question, “I’m not really sure to be honest with you.”
“I thought you had it all figured out.”
“Well I figured we’d just figure it out when we got there.”
“Well… I kind of want to step things up but… I’m not really sure how.”
“You mean like… sexually?” Amber nods. I continue stroking her arm. “I don’t know. There are other things we can do, but some people call that foreplay.”
“You mean like… oral sex?”
“Well there’s that too but I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
“So like… what,” Amber answers and I can tell the wheels in her head are turning.
“Well um… we both have hands.”
I laugh as the realization hits her, “Amber, honestly we don’t need to do anything. I’m beyond happy with the way things are right now. I feel like we are moving forward at the right pace. We don’t need to step it up just yet.”
Amber chews on her lip while she thinks, “Well the thing is that I really do want to… you know… have sex with you but I don’t think I’m ready for it. So I would kind of like to… work my way up to that. Know what I mean? Like… extended foreplay.”
“So…I think we should go to the backseat and make out for a little while. We’ll just figure it out from there.”
I laugh softly again, “If that’s what you want to do.”
Amber pulls away from me and climbs into the backseat. I follow her. We seem to have switched seats so that I am now on the right with Amber on my left. We both lean against the seat and look out the windshield.
“Frank, can I ask you a question?” Amber asks, turning to look at me.
I smile back, “Anything.”
“Did you mean what you said tonight?”
“You mean what I asked you while we were dancing?”
“Yeah,” Amber nods.
I smile again, “Yeah, Amber, I meant it.”
“Do you think that we will someday?”
I lace her fingers with mine, “I hope so. I can’t really picture myself with anyone else.”
“I’m really glad that we finally decided to be with each other. I didn’t think it was possible for me to love you anymore but… now I’m just fucking… hypnotized.”
Amber smiles her cheeks turning pink, “Me too.”
She puts her hand on my cheek and I lean down to kiss her. Our tongues touch and I feel endorphins race through my body.
We kiss for a while before Amber lays herself down across the backseat and I hover over her to continue the kiss. Endorphins and adrenaline rush through me and like a drug I can’t get enough of it. So I keep kissing her, enjoying every feeling.
I think Amber is thinking the same thing I am. One of her legs has been hanging off the bench of the seat. Mine are bent awkwardly against the door but I’m uncomfortable. Then, suddenly Amber pulls her leg up which pushs me on top of her completely, her other leg wraping around me so that I am locked between them. I have my elbows on either side of her head and my hands in her hair. I continue kissing her.
After a few more minutes Amber’s hand comes up to touch my arm. Then she gently pulls it. I lean onto my left arm as she moves my right over her shoulder. Amber grasps my hand and presses it against her breast. My breathing picks up as I realize what she is doing. Amber isn’t just tolerating me touching her, she’s asking me to.
We continue kissing just like that and I enjoy the fact that I am finally allowed to touch Amber there. Not, that I ever thought she’d get mad. It is just that I didn’t want to touch her there and find out later that she didn’t like it. Now Amber is showing me that she does like it. So I move my hand slowly over her chest and slid it under the fabric to cup her bare breast. Amber gasps.
“Is this bothering you?” I ask as I pull away.
“No,” Amber breaths out before pulling me back down to kiss her.
I really like that I am holding her breast but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. So I stay gentle. Amber reaches down and pulls my hand out of the top of her dress. I pull away.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Don’t be,” she answers me.
Amber presses her lips against mine again and we go back to kissing. This time she pushes my hand down her body and over her thigh. She pushes it up under her dress so I can hold her leg bare. I enjoy this too but it isn’t quite the same. The again I’m not going to pass up a chance to touch her skin. I stroke her thigh. Then I realize this really isn’t what she wants. Amber reaches back down, pushing my hand between our bodies. Although I’m lying on top of her I know what she is aiming for.
“Amber,” I say breaking away.
Instead of saying anything she just pushes her hips up against me. I close my eyes for a minute, swallowing hard. I have a major ‘situation’ that I’m sure Amber can feel. I open my eyes again seconds before Amber kisses me roughly. I decide not to argue anymore.
I lift my body just slightly to move my hand over her skin. I touch her hipbone and then slip my hand down her underwear.
“You okay?” I whisper.
“Yeah… please keep going?”
I squeeze her shoulder with my left hand and press my cheek against hers. I am breathing heavily and nervously. Amber gasps and tenses but it is a good gasping. She likes it. If she wants me to stop she will tell me. Amber knows that’s all she has to do.
I really enjoy the fact that she is letting me please her this way. There has been several times when I wanted to but was unsure of how she would feel about it. So I really like that she is squeezing me and letting go of sweet, soft gasps and little moans and whimpers, leting me know that she wants me to continue. I like the way she feels. After a few minutes I feel her hands release my shoulders. Amber moves them down my body and to my belt buckle.
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
“I know what I’m doing,” she tells me.
Amber unzips my pants and pushes her hand down my boxers. My whole body tenses and I loose my rhythm. I don’t stop though. I continue to please her and she continues to please me, our movements only getting faster and more urgent.
Neither of us really keeps much of a rhythm going. Occasionally one of us will pause or tense or gasp. We might as well be having sex but I just don’t think Amber is ready for that yet.
“Frankie?” Amber asks with a gasp.
“Yeah,” I reply with a heavy breath.
“I want you.”
I guess my previous assumption was wrong.
“I want you too.”
“I want you right now.”
I kick my own ass for not thinking to bring any protection, “I didn’t bring any condoms, babe.”
“I don’t care. Just pull out.”
“That might not be such a good idea.”
“Don’t you want me?”
“Fuck yes, I want you. I just don’t want you to be scared or unsure.”
“I’m not this time. I want you. I want us to finish. I want to go all the way.”
“Are you sure? Because I’ll fucking explode.”
“Please Frankie? Please? I don’t think I can handle it much longer.”
I pull my fingers out of her and remove her hand from me. I pull myself out of my boxers and push myself into her as far as I can go. Amber gasps and I freeze.
“Oh God,” she mumbles.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. Keep going. Please? I need you.”
When we finish I stay completely still as we both lay there breathing heavily.
“Shit,” I finally say. “That was the most amazing sex I’ve ever had.”
Amber laughs, “Same.”
I finally move my head to look her in the eye. Amber’s cheeks are flushed and her skin is damp with perspiration. Her hair is tangled but she has a satisfied look on her face. I did that for her.
“What the hell got into you?”
“I guess they call it foreplay for a reason.”
I smile but then my face goes serious. I caress her jaw with my thumb.
“Are you okay?” Amber asks as she twirls her fingers in my hair.
“Yeah, I’m okay…are you okay?”
Amber nods a smile set on her lips.
“I’m sorry I did that to you. I just lost control.”
Then Amber sniffs, “Its okay.”
“Shit, are you crying?” I pull away from her body and hold her face in my hands. A tear slips out of her eye.
“I’m okay. It’s not bad or anything. I just wanted it to be special and it was. I didn’t even think about… anything. It was just me and you and it was amazing. I’m not upset, just emotional.”
I kiss her soft, pink lips, “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
Amber shakes her head, “Please don’t say that. I wanted it and I’m happy we did it. I don’t regret it so neither should you, okay? I’m just so fucking overwhelmed with happiness right now. And I just…I just didn’t think I would ever be able to be this happy again. So I’m just kind of overwhelmed. I’m not sad or upset or anything. I swear I’m okay.”
I kiss her again and again.
“Marry me, Amber,” I say between kisses. “Fucking marry me.”
“I will… I will marry you,” she promises.
After that we lay together for a long time. I hold her close to me, our fingers intertwined, enjoying the rush of endorphins and emotions. We are quiet. It is our special moment. The time that comes just after sex when you spend time with the person you love, thinking over what you had just done and how it felt to be with that person…Amber who I had just made love to. The sounds of her moans and the way she squeezed my shoulder in pleasure bring a smile to my face. I wish there way a proper way for me to tell her just how much I love her.
“Do you remember what I told you?” I question as I brush my lips and nose against her cheek.
“When,” Amber asks in a soft, husky voice.
“That one day. What I told you about sex.”
“When you told me that the important part was the after part?”
“Yeah, this part, when you’re laying next to the person you just made love to. When your body is all full of endorphins and swollen with… love.”
“This is what I was talking about, this moment, with you. I’ve been dreaming about this moment for years. This is the part that you can only share with someone you love.”
Amber turns her head just slightly, smiling at me, “Now do you understand why I cried?”
I smile, “Yeah. I understand.”
I nod, “Definitely.”
“I don’t want this night to ever end.”
I reach up to cup her cheek and kiss her softly but deeply, trying to let Amber know that this happened because we love each other. The way she kisses me lets me know that she feels the same way. Amber holds me closely and I wish we can stay in this car for the rest of our loves, never having to grow up.
We call tonight our ‘forever’ night. To us the night never really had an ending. Years from now we will think back on this night with fond memories, remembering how we laid there, holding each other, so swollen with such love and affection. Years from now we will think back to this night and smile, happy that it never really had to end.