"So should we get this one?"
“What kind should we get?” Frank asks.
“I don’t know much about them other than what I’ve seen on TV.”
“Same here…and I’m afraid to touch them.”
“Me too,” I answer.
After a few more seconds I reach out and pick up a pink box. I turn it over and read the back a few times. I’ve decided that if it’s positive I’ll be happy. Frank and I will be parents and it will be rough but I will still be happy. There is not another person in the world I’d want to be doing this with.
“Well…” I start. “This one says it can detect early.”
“So should we get this one?”
We stand still for a moment until Frank finally gets the courage to take the test from me. I hide behind him as we walk up towards the cashier. He puts the box and a Nutri-Grain bar on the counter and takes out his wallet to hand over the cash. The elderly woman behind the counter bags this then slides the bag across the counter.
“Condoms are on the same aisle,” she says. Frank sneers.
“I’ll be sure to purchase some next time. Thanks,” he says.
Then he takes my hand and pulls me out of the store. I can tell he’s upset. I refuse to say anything.
“Here eat this,” Frank says handing over the blueberry breakfast bar he’s gotten me.
I nibble on it as Frank drives home; mumbling choice words in Italian the whole way.
When we get home Frank parks in front of my house and we use the front door. We stop in the hallway on the second floor. I’m sure there would have been more awkward silence but I am about to bust.
“I’ll be right back. I’m about to pee my pants,” I say.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” Frank tells me.
I just nod before locking myself in the bathroom.
If I’m pregnant things will change. Frank and I will have to get jobs, we’ll have to get married and well…things just won’t be the same. The one thing I’m certain of is that this baby will be loved. It will have been made as an act of love.
When I return to the room Frank is biting his nails, a sure sign he’s nervous as hell. He stops upon seeing me.
“It’s not ready yet,” I announce as I place the stick on my desk.
Frank just nods. I wish he’d just say something.
I sit down next to Frank neither of us speaking…we don’t touch either. Frank sits there with his elbows on his knees and his already short finger nails in his mouth. I sit slouched down with my wrists between my legs. I never thought it would be this way…Frank and I sitting here waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. If anything I thought he’d have been here for moral support when I was waiting for the results of someone else’s baby. Now that I think about it more I’m glad it’s Franks.
Unable to sit still anymore I begin to pop my knuckles. I’m nervous. It seems like fifteen minutes is taking much longer than it should.
“It’s been enough time,” I announce after what feels like hours.
Frank just nods. Taking a deep breath I let it out slowly before standing and going over to my desk. I pick the stick up. A tiny pink minus sigh stares up at me. For a second my world stops. I’d spent so much time thinking about if it was positive that I never prepared myself for the possibility of negative.
“What is it?” Frank asks softly.
“Negative,” I answer.
I hear Frank sigh but I still don’t turn around. Frank had pretty much promised me the world. Now that I’m not pregnant all that disappears. He’ll go off to college in the fall and I’ll be here with nothing to look forward to but community school. My dreams of a family washed away with that little pink negative sign.
Frank’s hand comes to rest on my back, “Hey, are you okay?”
I nod, “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just so sure.”
“Well there’s always a possibility that it’s still too early. We could take another one next week.”
I shake my head knowing he’s wrong, “No… I’m pretty sure it’s right. I had my period the next day. It wasn’t even ovulating. If it had been fertilized my body expelled it too quickly. I’m not pregnant, Frank. I’m sure of it.”
“You’re not upset, are you?”
“Do you want the truth?”
“Always,” Frank answers.
“I guess…I wanted it,” I admit instantly feeling stupid. “Not like…beforehand. I didn’t plan it or anything. It was just that since I was being faced with the possibility I tried to think of what would happen if I was pregnant. I didn’t think much on the possibility that I wasn’t. Then I just wanted the late summer wedding and the family. I mean, I know I’m too young. I didn’t think for one second that this test would be negative. So I began to look forward to it.”
Frank’s hand moves over my back, gripping onto my shoulder. He kisses the back of my head, “I know, Amber. I wanted it too. This is for the best though. This gives us more time to plan things out, to prepare.”
He moves my hair out of his face and rests his chin on my shoulder, “Someday you’ll take this test again and it will be positive. We won’t have to be afraid of telling our families. Your cousins won’t kill me. We’ll be married.”
“That sounds like a good plan.”
“You’re not upset?”
“No…just a little disappointed.”
“Don’t be because I’ve got a plan.”
I turn around to face Frank. He takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead.
“What’s the plan?”
“It’s an awesome one. It just came to me right now. I think you’ll like it.”
“Is it a surprise?”
“I guess it might be better to mentally prepare you.”
“For what,” I ask just a little bit nervous.
“Do you want to get a tattoo?”
His words shock me. Frank is normally spontaneous but I was not expecting this, “Really?”
Frank nods, “I’ll pay. I have a tab.”
“Did you ever pay for my nose ring?”
“Oh yeah, I paid it a long time ago.”
“So a tattoo,” I say aloud.
“Yep,” answers Frank, popping the ‘P.’
“I wouldn’t know what to get.”
“Well we can go over there and check it out. You can decide later.”
I nod before shrugging, “Alright, let’s go.”
Frank smiles before kissing my lips, “This will be fun.”