"Are you sure?"
The next morning Donna comes up to see if we are going back to school. Amber says that she wants to. So we get ready and take my car back to Manhattan. I can tell that Amber is feeling better, that this won’t be like last time. Amber just needed a few days to sort things out. Although the depression lasts the rest of the week by Friday Amber is back to her normal self.
My new band has a show the following weekend so Amber and I don’t go back to Jersey. She acts as our unofficial roadie and helps set up the stage. She is really good at it. I suppose it is natural for her now since she’d been helping me set up garage shows since I’d started playing in bands back in eight grade.
When it is time for my band to go on Amber kisses me for a long time, “You’ll do great.”
I smile and kiss her cheek, “Only because you’re here.”
I kiss Amber again and then leave her to head onto the small stage.
I do the show like I do every other show. What I mean by this is I give it my best. We are only one of the opening bands so we play a few songs before saying goodnight and leaving the stage. I go right to where Amber is waiting, side stage, and pull her into a tight hug. I am sweaty and kinda gross but Amber doesn’t really seem to care.
“How was it?” I ask her.
“Amazing,” she says with a smile.
I smile and release her. Amber helps us take the stage apart so the next band can get ready. She helps load our equipment back into the van. She takes my guitar case as one of my band mates walks up to me.
“Frank, come here,” he says. “This guy wants to talk to us about a signing.”
“No way,” I reply.
“He’s from Eyeball records.”
I follow him over to where the rest of the band is talking to the guy. He is from Eyeball records like my mate said. They aren’t a very big company but they like to help local bands get a foot into the industry. He says he likes our stuff and wants to sign us and help us record a CD.
“Amber, come here,” I say motioning for her to come over. She walks over to us wearily.
“Is this your girlfriend?” the suit guy asks as I wrap my arm around her shoulder.
“No, this is my life partner. She’s also an unofficial member of Pency Prep, so she’s coming.”
The other guys roll their eyes as the guy wanting to sign us nods, “Cool with me.”
We follow the guy back into the club.
“What’s going on?” Amber whispers to me.
“He’s from Eyeball records. He wants to sign us,” I inform her.
“No way,” Amber says excitedly.
I laugh, “For sure.”
We all sit down at a booth and start to go over some legal stuff. He walks us through the contract and stuff as Amber falls asleep on my shoulder. We’d met with other agents before but never been super serious about them. They were either too constricting or just desperate. This guy seems genuinely into us and sets up a flexible contract that will eventually allow us to move onto bigger and better things. By the end of the night we are signed.
Amber and I say goodbye to everyone and I lead her back to my car. I am full of excited energy. I am officially a signed musician. Sure it isn’t much but to me it was like being handed and Emmy.
“Oh my fucking God, I can’t believe you guys got signed!” Amber says when we are settled in the car.
I laugh, “I know! It’s amazing. If I wasn’t driving I’d be all over you right now.”
“Go back to your dorm. We can be all over each other there. If we go to Gerard’s he’ll get uncomfortable.”
“Sounds like a fucking plan. I wish we could get beer too.”
“I could ask Gerard but then he’d demand that we drank in his presence and I think I’m going to take your clothes off.”
“Well then we’ll have to avoid Gerard’s.”
So I drive back to my place. I get my guitar out of the back and lug it up the stairs to my room. Luckily Patrick isn’t there. I bet he’s out wandering the campus for some slutty girl. He usually finds one. The second I put my guitar down Amber attacks me. She kisses my lips roughly and struggles to pull my hoodie off.
“Mm…my arm is stuck,” I say.
So we work together to pull it out. When we finally get it out Amber pushes me onto my bed and climbs on top of me, “Amber, I don’t think we’re ready for this.”
“Sure we are. We’ll just…go slowly this time. I’ll be on top. That way if I get uncomfortable I can just…stop.”
“Are you sure?”
“What if Patrick comes back?”
“Then we’ll just ignore him and keep going. It’s not like he’s ever been courteous to us or anything.”
“As long as you don’t mind,” I answer.
“I don’t mind.”
Amber pulls off her sweat and reaches down to yank her shoes and shocks off. I sit up and roll her onto her back. I kiss her for a moment before pulling my own shoes and socks off. I then throw the blanket over us to give us some privacy and then we remove the rest of our clothes.
“Do you have any?” Amber whispers as she kisses my chest.
“Um…” I move the blanket up over my head and think about it. “Fuck…I’m sure Patrick has some.”
Amber’s nose does that crinkly thing, “I don’t want to use his.”
I climb off of her, taking the blanket with me to cover myself. Amber uses the sheet to block her body.
“They’re wrapped, Amber.”
I go to the other side of the room and open Patrick’s nightstand.
“What if he pokes holes in them?”
I shuffle through his crap. Dude is messy as shit, “That’s his worst fear. Don’t worry about it.”
I locate one and close the drawer. I go back to Amber and resituate the blankets. I then kiss her again and only pull away to get the condom on, “Are you sure you want to be on top?”
“Yes, but I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
“It’s okay. I’m so sexually frustrated you could probably sit on me the wrong way and I’ll still finish.”
Amber laughs softly and pushes me onto my back. She then climbs on top of me and kisses me. I pull the blankets up around her hips so that if Patrick does happen to walk in all he’ll see is her back. Amber kisses me for a moment longer before sitting up slowly. I tighten my grip on her hips. She is still for a moment as if trying to let herself adjust to me. It is in this moment of hesitation that I realize she is nervous…this is not a good sign.
Slowly, Amber begins to move her hips. I breathe out heavily and close my eyes. Amber stays slow for the first few minutes, not rushing it…just taking her time. I can tell this isn’t the same…Amber’s not into it. She might even be scared. I keep my eyes on her just to judge her reaction. When I see her wince I know something isn’t right. I guess maybe Amber is seeing something she doesn’t want to see.
“You okay?” I ask with a heavy breath.
“I’m fine,” she replies.
“We don’t have to continue.”
“It’s okay,” she responds.
“Amber, look at me…maybe it’ll help.”
She opens her eyes and looks down at me, “I feel weird looking at you…like I’m being caught in the act.”
I smiled, “I don’t mind. We’re doing this together, remember? This is our time.”
Amber breaths out heavily, “Okay, I can do this.”
Then she goes back to it. Instead of looking me in the eyes she focuses on my chest, occasionally looking down at my sparrow tattoos. Although Amber relaxes a little bit she still isn’t quite here. Then the door opens behind her and Patrick walks in. His eyebrows raise and Amber and I both freeze. Amber turns her head and covers her breasts with her arms. I’m pretty sure Patrick hadn’t seen anything.
“Uh… sorry,” he mumbles.
I pull the blankets up over Amber’s shoulders. She holds them, keeping herself covered. Patrick closes the door and goes over to his bed. He doesn’t turn on the lights so Amber continues. I am nervous about Patrick being here. I said I didn’t care before but now that he is actually here it bothers me. I don’t want him to think about Amber having sex. Although he hides himself under his blankets and ignores us I’m not so sure.
Amber leans down and puts her arms on either side of my head. The blankets act as almost a privacy tent for us. I take her face in my hands and pull her so me so I can kiss her.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you too,” she replies.
At that Amber seems to relax even more. She wraps the blankets around herself and sits back up. Then she begins to move a bit faster. I can see that she is starting to enjoy it again. Amber’s breathing is ragged and she gasps a few times. After a while I completely forget that we aren’t alone. Amber feels amazing.
When I can’t hold on any longer I grip Amber’s hips tightly and close my eyes. She goes fast and gasps, knowing what she has just done and enjoying the fact. I grip her thighs to stop her. We both take a moment to breathe heavily and then I pull her to me. Amber rests her head next to me and I touch her cheek.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
“Were you scared?”
“Not scared just…thought about some things I’d rather I didn’t.”
“It’s okay. I just want to get over it. I don’t want to be scared anymore.”
I nod, “I don’t want you to either.”
“Did you finish?”
“I already told you. You could have sat on me the wrong way and I would have finished.”
Amber laughs as I pull my face close to hers so I can kiss her, “Love you.”
“Love you too.”