I still write to you. I wont stop until I'm with you. I need you back. I miss you.
"If you think for one second that I'm going to lie and wait forever you've got another thing coming." I joked, feebly pushing against his shoulder.
Tom, my love. I still didn't understand, he was only 23, why join the army now? Such a huge risk. What if, one day, he never came home? He wouldn't ever have said goodbye - not with his stupid ways anyway. Always insisting against saying goodbye, because that would imply he wouldn't be coming back. Always insisting I shouldn't write. Saying that I shouldn't worry because he's be fine. But what if he wasn't? What if, not even that he died, what if he got seriously injured? I'm talking missing limbs or brain damage, not just severed tissue. What if he got himself blown up? Anything could happen and we weren't even prepared.
"Aw, sugar, not forever - just long enough to miss me." He winked and put his arm limply around my shoulders, pulling me close.
"I always miss you! Worrying myself sick over how you are, wondering if you'll be okay tomorrow. Tom, I can't not miss you. What if you never come back? Then I wouldn't miss you, I'd cry myself to death! At least then we'd be together.." I trailed off, recognizing the pain as his body stiffened. "No. No, I mean.. I don't know! Why don't you ever say goodbye? What if, just maybe, you didn't come back? How could I live with not having said goodbye to you?"
3 WEEKS LATER
"Yes, mum. --- No, uh, yeah, I don't know. --- Not yet." The usual pattern of my conversations with mum in the morning. Tom's been gone for 2 and a half weeks now, and I haven't received as little as one letter yet. "I'm going to check now. Hold on."
Losing my balance, I gripped the banister extra tight and kicked my converse out of the way. What a place to leave them anyway.
"Muuuuuuum." I moaned. Never had she ever understood the meaning of 'yet' and/or 'hold on'. Nagging on and on down the phone. Ugh. And I'm always in a bad mood when Tom's not the first thing I open my eyes to.
Sure enough, when I got to the bottom step, I noticed 3 letters on the floor at the bottom of the hall.
"Yeah, I got some stuff." She told me to stop being so enthusiastic.
I picked up all three envelopes, skipping past the first two I recognized as a Christmas card from Tom's brother and an electric bill.
Mrs. Watson.. It began. I concentrated solely on the important sentences while dread filled my entire body, ..for the last 8 days, Thomas Granger has been, and is currently, missing in action.
TEN LONG MINUTES LATER
My reaction would have been less self-corruptive if they'd have told me the world was at an end.
I dropped everything in my hands, falling with my back pressed firmly against the wall and my knees pulled to my chest, holding my arms over my head. My lips began to bleed as I bit them, gasping for air that burned at my eyes, stinging and watering like Niagara Falls during a rainstorm.
I stayed like that for hours; crying and bleeding, bleeding and crying. The strangest thing was that I didn't feel entirely alone. So many images flew through my mind while everything we could have done shared it's own part. All the smiles we didn't get the chance to share, all the memories we'll never have. All the things we never said and won't ever get to say. Even when the banging on the door invaded my thoughts, I didn't get up. I didn't even try to answer.
The banging soon stopped and I remembered the phone by my side. Mum must have hung up. Maybe I should ring her, talk it out, let her know I'm not dead.
Speed dialing my parent's home phone, I tried to control myself a little better.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Still worried.
"He's missing in action." I tried to say it calmly this time, getting to grips with the fact. He's not necessarily dead.. just missing.
"They'll find him soon, honey, he's just missing." Lying. Her tone. It'cs clear that she's lying. She's worried too, she knows it's probable he' s not coming back. Never coming home.
It felt like that for weeks. everybody trying to promise me that Tom was coming back, but I knew he wasn't. However much I fought it, I knew it.
I lied. For you, I would lie and wait forever.
Tom, this is the first time I'll write to you. I know you always wanted me not to but, given the circumstances, I don't think it really matters now. I miss you. I got a letter in the post yesterday. Apparently you're missing. They're telling me you'll come back, but I don't believe it.
I believe you still love me; you promised. and so I promise I'll write to you everyday. I love you.
Merry Christmas, Tom.
Today is the last letter I'll write to you.
I've only got one present to give you.
And I give you my life.
Like I said, if I died, we'd be together.
So, here it is: I'm coming.
Wait for me? Please.
R&R please! Let me know what you think. And remember, plagiarism is bad!
Hope you all have a lovely Christmas and a brilliant new year. xox -Z.