Frankies state of mind detoriates as he struggles with the truth.....
Gerards POVSchool dragged on for far too long to be classed as bearable. I was itching to be out of there by three o'clock and so when the piercing cry of the bell rung out, i breathed a sigh of relief and practically skipped out of the place. My day didn't end there though. There was somewhere i had to go before i went to my own home to retire for another day. A place that was decorated with an aura of fiction, yet was very much real. The beautiful one that lived there allowed me to be certain, this was no illusion.
I rounded the corner and slowly appraoched that familiar white picket fence, the ivy, the rose bush in bloom. All the different smells and sounds that together swept you off into a wonderland. Almost in the very same way that Frank did, only with less effect. Nothing could compare to th way Frankie made me feel. Although i knew i had to keep grip on my self control, despite the kiss and bond we shared that was pulling me in like gravity, i had to accept it and move on. I had to accept that he would never be mine. Not even after a million years in this cold, empty excuse of a world.
The house stood tall and proud. Lighting up the grey of the atmosphere. The grey weather. The lack of silver linings. The grey cobbled street. The cracked, drenched pavement that glittered under the orange glow of the dim streetlights. I fussed over my appearance as i walked up the flawless stone porch steps and advanced towards the oak front door. I knocked quickly. Three loud bangs to the shining, welcoming wood and i could make out a small figure moving around. Red and Black. Stripes too. It was Frankie. I couldn't mistake those small shoulders and love of stripy jumpers and skinny jeans.
A bunch of keys rattle from the other side of the door and with a quick click he is there before me. If only every time i thought of him could end in this exact way. I would never ask for anything else if this could come true for us. "Um...Hey Frank." I smile at him as his wide hazel eyes glitter with an emotion i'm not quite sure of.
"Hey Gerard." Frank half smiles at me with a slight sniffle. He looks paler than usual, his hair is sticking up wildly as if he hasn't slept in days. "Are you okay? I missed you at school today." I ramble on, wishing i had stopped myself before i sounded like a crazy obsessed girlfriend from a bad american teen drama. "I'm okay thanks Gerard. I went to the hospital today, i had an appointment." I smile and nod waiting for him to continue, yet his next action is something i never predicted nor expected was going to happen.
A deep, heart twisting gasp came from the small frail stature before me as he started to sob violently. Falling onto his knees with his head resting in his hands. I knelt down before him and that's when i saw them. Three deep, bleeding cuts scarring the soft skin on his wrists. "Frankie?" I ask shaking almost as much as him. I shake my head as he stares at my face and whimpers like a child. "I can't tell you." He finally breathes after an endless silence. I simply pick him up and pull him into a tight hug. " You can. You know you can." I say softly into his hair as i lead him inside his home.
He takes me into my house as i write in his his arms with pure shame. I couldn't hold myself together in front of him, and that was something i would have to face in the next few weeks. No matter how much i hated that terrifying truth, i still had to hold onto a facade. A facade that hid the screams of fear and anger that blazed and burned bright inside of me. A facade so convinving that nobody would ever question anything out of the ordinary, nobody would for a second think something was wrong or unnecessary.
He gently places me down on the soft cotton of my sofa and i melt into the cushion snuggling into the sponge deeper, trying to bury myself and forget what they said. Erase and change what the doctors had been forced to tell me. It was all becoming too real. And i had no idea how to deal with the latest blow. I had hit rock bottom. Yet. He was there to catch me and... save me i guess. Save me from what i had been trying to do before he knocked on my door.
He came through the door with a wet cloth and bandage in hand, as well as a cup of coffee. He lay a cushion on his thighs and carefully placed my hand on top of the surface. Slowly, he rolled up my sleeve and began to bathe the cuts, dabbing at then and making light quick strokes across the crimson lines. " Damn!" I cursed between gritted teeth. The lukewarm liquid soaked into my cuts, stinging me the way my tears did to my lifeless, exhausted eyes.
"Sorry." He said wrapping the bandage around my arm before enveloping me in a hug sprinkled with sympathy and concern as i began to cry hard again. I was breaking slowly and surely. And i wasn't sure he could save me next time.