I knew what I had to do.I had to do it, if I didn't Stuart wouldn't love me anymore. I couldn't lose him.
I went into John's room and found him on his bed, trying to distract himself with a book. John Lennon never read books. Something was definitely up.
He looked up at me and smiled.
"Hey Geo" he said quietly, putting the book away
"How are you?"
"Just another bad day"
I chewed my lip. Part of me wanted to pat him on the shoulder or give him a hug. He looked so lost...but I had to do what Stuart had told me. Every word mattered.
"I think Paul is getting better"
John looked up at me, "What?"
"He was talking to me yesterday, like, properly talking. He was saying how he wasn't feeling himself lately"
"Yeah well that's for sure-"
"He was havin a spell John. Apparently it runs in his family or somethin"
John frowned at me, "You sure?"
Somehow he didn't look convinced, "What else did he say?"
This is the part I had trouble with
"He said...he said he wanted you back"
John blinked, "He did?"
"He said he missed the way you kissed him...and the way you held him and stuff. He really misses you. He wants to talk to you himself but he doesn't know when"
John had a hopeful gleam in his eye
"Tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow" he said eagerly, then he went over and hugged me, "Thanks Georgie, I don't know what I'd do without you"
I felt sick
"Brian's takin us out for drinks tonight" he said as he pulled away, "Wanna come?"
I laughed "You know I don't drink"
"Yeah well..." he trailed off slowly and looked at the floor, "Thanks anyway"
I smiled back and left quickly because I felt like I was going to cry.
"Well?" Stuart asked when I got back
"I did it" I said doubtfully
"Good" he kissed me on the lips, "now all we do is wait"
"Wait for what?"
"Tomorrow he'll go looking for Paul and that's when I'll do it"
He lowered his head and grinned, "You'll see"
I shrugged, trying to be grown up for once in my life and instead started kissing him again. To start with, he kissed back. Then he pulled away, too early. He must have seen the look on my face.
I turned away from, not letting him see the disappointment in my eyes. He came up behind me
"What's the matter?"
"Why do you never look at me the way you look at him?"
"Why do you never look at me the way you look at him?" I turned to face him, angry tears beginning to spark my eyes, "You always gaze at him, as if he's the only thing in the world. You never look at me like that, ever"
"Do you love him?"
"What kind of a question is that-?"
"Do you love him?"
"...No, I-I thought I did but not anymore. I already told you, I love you"
He tried to kiss me again, but I wouldn't let him walk over me
"If you really love me then let me take his place"
"What do you mean?"
"...you can do whatever you want to me"
"Beat me, cut me...rape me" I added quietly, "...anything...I just want you to love me..."
Stuart was close to tears
"Baby..." he took me in his arms, "Baby, I love you so much. Why would you think I would want to do that to you?"
"Cos you did it to Paul"
He paused then looked at me, "Paul cut himself, the beating was just to keep him in line and...look I lost it with him okay? I didn't mean to...I'm sorry, I wish I hadn't done it. But I could never hurt you baby, you have to understand that"
I sighed and hugged him again but this time he lifted my chin and kissed me, a good long kiss this time. Then he pull away and gazed at me and then I realised he was giving me The Look. The look he always gave Paul.
And at that moment, in that room, I knew for certain that Stuart Sutcliffe loved me.
I walked down the blackening hallways, still remembering the sweet sound of Stuart's voice in my head. I'd never been so in love. This was so different from Eric. I was used to fancying older boys but to actually be loved back by one...I felt so proud of myself. Paul suddenly passed me in the hallway and that wave of jealousy passed through me again. At that moment I completely forgot who I was and pushed him up against the wall.
"Listen" I said quietly,"Stuart may be sleeping with you but he loves me, you hear? Me. After he's done with you, you're going back to John. You mean nothing to him, so stay away alright?"
This wasn't me. The real me was trapped inside screaming to get out. All of a sudden I was Stuart, in both mind and body, threatening my best friend. I walked away from him but stopped dead on my tracks when I heard him laugh.
"You honestly think he loves you?" he said, still looking at the wall in front of him, "You actually believe a word that bastard says? He's using you sweet and when he's done with you, he'll throw you out like you're nothing but shit"
"That's not true" I said, trying hard not to cry
"Trust me" he said, beginning to walk away from me again, "It is"
I watched him disappear into the darkness and hastily wiped the tear from my cheek. I wasn't going to give in. I wasn't going to stop. I was going to do anything possible to make sure Paul McCartney got what he deserved.