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Chris doesn't understand why everyone keeps wishing him a happy 40th birthday. "I'm 39!" Oneshot.
By sheer coincidence, Chris Jericho's birthday happened to fall on the exact day of the RAW tapings. Whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that it was the ninth of November, marking his 39th birthday, and he wasn't at home, like he had been in previous years. It was a strange feeling.
"Hey, Chris," Christian greeted, as he laced up his boots. "Happy birthday, man."
"Thanks," his friend replied as he took a seat on the bench beside of the other man. "Not much of a birthday when you have to work, though."
"Eh, that's the way it goes sometimes," Christian shrugged, as he reached for a towel. "Got any plans for later?"
"I doubt it. I'll probably just head on back to the hotel, maybe watch a couple movies, and then crash." He looked down at his hands. "Jess is supposed to swing by and drop the kids off tomorrow, but I don't know if she's going to."
Christian made a face.
"How are things going with you guys?"
"I'd rather not talk about it, Jay," Chris replied quietly. "Every time we see each other, we always end up fighting, and even when we talk on the phone, it's a disaster. I don't want the kids to see us fighting all the time, but there isn't much else I can do."
"I'm sorry," his friend offered, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"It's not your fault."
A few moments passed, and Christian, noticing that his friend was still upset, changed the subject in an attempt to cheer him up.
"Well, I'm not doing anything tomorrow, and I know Adam would like to see you, maybe get out of the house for a little bit." He smiled. "Tell you what. I'll pick up a cake or something and swing by your house about, what, maybe noon? Sound good?"
"Sure," Chris replied, a bit happier. "If I don't answer the door, go ahead and let yourself in."
"All right, man." Christian stood up to leave. "I'll call ya later."
"Bye," Chris replied, waving Christian off. Truth be told, he wasn't all that excited about celebrating his birthday, considering that as of tomorrow, he would be one year closer to forty, but he didn't say anything because he didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings. Jay seemed to enjoy throwing parties for people and really, why should he ruin his fun just because he was a grouch box? Chris chalked up his bad mood and lethargic manner to exhaustion.
He just hoped Jay didn't end up throwing an insane, crazy bash like he did last year. It took Chris almost six months to get his house back to normal.
"Do you have the cake?"
"Do you have the food?"
"You got the gift bags?"
"OK, you need to calm down," Edge stated calmly. "It's a birthday party for Chris. Did you go to this much trouble for me? No." He folded his arms over his chest.
"Yeah, well, you aren't going through a divorce, either," Christian snapped back, jerking a platter out of Edge's hand. "I'm just trying to cheer my friend up. Is that a crime?"
"Hardly," the older of the two replied. "All I'm saying is that you might be going a little bit overboard." He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "200 party favors, Jay? You and I are the only ones showing up."
Christian rolled his eyes.
"Just get in the car. I told Chris we'd be there by noon." He looked at his watch. "It's almost 1:30."
"All right, all right, geez." Edge climbed into the passenger seat of Christian's vehicle. "Let's go, then. Wouldn't want to keep the birthday girl waiting." He shook his head.
The drive was fairly quiet, with neither of the guys speaking. It was a comfortable silence. Before long, however, they approached Chris' house. Christian eased the car into the driveway and put it in park. He turned to Edge and, with a questioning look, said,
"OK, you sure you got everything?"
"Yes," his friend hissed. "Everything's here, okay? Geez, let's go already."
Chris was sitting on his porch when the two men got out of the car, and he waved them over.
"Hey, guys," he said, a smile on his face. To Christian, he seemed a lot happier. "Thanks for coming. I hope I wasn't intruding."
"Oh, no, it's not like I had anything better to do," Edge replied, with a wave of his hand. "Happy 40th birthday, man."
Christian elbowed his friend.
"Ow." Edge rubbed his elbow. "What? Was it something I said?"
The younger of the two just shook his head in disbelief.
He turned to Chris and said,
"So, um, what should we do? Sing happy birthday?"
"I guess," Chris replied. "Might want to do that inside though. Old Mrs. Peterson down the street might call the police…she seems to call the cops on me on a regular basis."
"Maybe you should stop getting drunk and walking around in your driveway naked," Christian laughed.
"This birthday party sucks," Edge mumbled as he followed the other two into the house.
Once inside, the trio gathered around Jericho's kitchen table. They stared at one another in confusion, not quite sure what was to come next.
"Um, okay." Christian looked at Edge. "I guess I'll start." He took a deep breath. "Me, me, me, me," he sang in an annoying tone, causing Edge to shake his head.
"Happy birthday to Chris—"he began, but was cut off by Chris' phone ringing.
"Hold that thought, Jay," Chris said as he ran to answer the phone. He pushed the Speaker button.
"Hey, Chris!" came a female voice. "Happy birthday!"
"Oooh, is that your girlfriend?" Edge teased, laughing.
Chris' face turned a deep shade of purple.
"No, she's not my girlfriend," he whispered back. "Just a friend of a friend."
"Suuuuuure," his friend drawled.
"Would you shut up?" Chris snapped. "She's going to hear you."
"What's going on over there?" the woman replied. "Is that Jay and Adam?"
"It's nothing, Tina," the Unified Tag Team Champion replied. "They're just throwing me a little birthday party."
"Oh," Tina replied. "Well, I hope you guys have fun. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to celebrate your milestone 40th, but I had work to do at the office."
"It's all right…and I'm not 40," Chris corrected. "I'm 39."
"I think you might be in denial," she laughed. "You're 40, I'm pretty sure of it."
Christian and Edge snickered.
"Curly, Moe, you wanna do me a favor and SHUT THE HELL UP?" Chris screamed.
"Well, I guess I'll let you go, since you've got company. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. I got you a special 40th birthday card—I'll drop it off in the next couple of days."
"I'm not—oh, forget it," Jericho mumbled. He raised his voice a bit. "Thanks again."
"You're welcome," the woman replied. "Bye."
Once Chris was absolutely sure that she had hung up, he turned to Christian and Edge, who were cackling like a pair of hyenas.
"Ahem!" He folded his arms over his chest and tapped his foot.
"Sorry," Christian replied, stifling his laughter. "Yeah, so, where were we?"
"You were singing Happy Birthday—horribly, I might add," Edge pointed out.
Christian shoved him.
"Then why don't you sing, if you're so much better?"
"No thanks, I know I suck at singing," his friend said.
Chris walked over to the table and grabbed a knife.
"Why don't we cut the cake? I'm hungry..."
"WAIT!" Christian snatched the knife out of his hand. "You can't cut the cake until you've blown out the candles."
"Jay. You're such a child." Edge sighed. He looked at Chris. "Try putting up with this one every day."
"Okay, you can blow them out now," Christian said proudly. On the cake, in a lopsided fashion, were 40 small birthday candles. He stood back and motioned for Chris to go ahead.
"40?" Chris cocked his head.
"Yes, 40. One for every year of your life," Christian explained, the way you would explain something to a child. "Go ahead, blow them out."
"I can't do it with you standing over me, jackass," Chris said.
"Oh, sorry," his friend apologized, stepping to the side.
Chris blew the candles out shortly after, and Christian clapped his hands in excitement.
"Happy 40th birthday, man," he said, clapping Chris on the back. "And just remember, age is just a number. You're only as old as you feel."
From his position across the room, Edge cracked up.
"Maybe next year I'll buy you a walker."
Chris shot him a dirty look.
"What? You look like you're feeling pretty old."