I put dinner on the ground and place my hand to my cousin’s back. He smells again. I wish he wasn’t like this. It scares me. Gerard has never stayed depressed this long. It makes me wonder just how bad things will get.
“Hey,” I say keeping my voice low, “why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll heat up your food. I brought over some pizza.”
Gerard just nods, pulling himself up off the bed then dragging himself towards the bathroom. It is only after the water starts running that I stand and begin to heat the pizza up. Various bottles of alcohol and anti-depressants litter his counters. While dinner cooks and my cousin showers I try my best to clean up.
“What are you doing?” Gerard asks squinting his eyes against the light I turned on. His hair is dripping wet and he’s wearing clean clothes and smells better.
“Cleaning up a little,” I answer putting a piece of pizza on a plate and handing it to Gerard.
He takes it, grabbing a beer from the fridge and then sits down on the floor. I bite my tongue and join him. Sure, Mikey’s death was a horrible thing that affected us all. Gerard just seems to be taking it to extremes. I know Mikey…he’d hate it if Gerard was like this. I just wish there was a way I could help my cousin without him getting upset with me.
“I was looking at some therapy places that help with trauma and depression and stuff,” I announce still keeping my voice low.
“Well I thought maybe we could go together and talk about our feeling and stuff. I thought maybe it would help us deal with Mikey’s death.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Gerard answers throwing his garbage away.
I sigh, “Will you go?”
“Yeah,” Gerard says looking at me. “Amber, will you play for me?”
I nod looking around the messy flat for my guitar I always leave here. I find it under a pile of dirty clothes. For the next three hours I play for Gerard. He eventually passes out.
I just hope my cousin is telling the truth and that he really will go to those therapy sessions. It’s the only way he’ll start to heal.