Categories > Original > Romance
An Open Letter
0 ReviewsAn open letter to you.
I love your eyes. I love your hair. I love your lips, the taste of them especially. I love your body. I love your personality, it's so happy and lively. Remember the time you were hyper in that shop and you were shouting "You wanna get jiggy in my barn?". I also love the fact you're sometimes down, it makes you seem more human, I guess. And it gives me something to help you with. I don't know if I do help, I'd like to think I do. I love the fact you have a past, even though I don't approve of it, but, fuck, what do I know? I love how you always taste and smell of cigarettes. I love the way your body feels pressed up against mine. I love how you're cute as fuck. I love how you're not afraid to speak your mind and stand up for your beliefs. I love how you can cheer me up no matter how depressed I'm feeling just by smiling at me. I love how you have lots of little imperfections, like your spinal condition - It makes you more unique than you already are.
And then there's me. I'm not particularly attractive. I hate my body. I hate my voice. I hate my personality. I hate the fact I have depression. I hate the fact I was too scared to see a counsellor when it was most severe, when I was suicidal. I hate the fact I use music to escape from this world when I'm too scared to face it. I hate the fact I'm not clever or academic. I only hate pretty boys because I'm jealous of them - they're all so skinny and beautiful. I avoid mirrors when I can. I hate the fact I smoke and drink. I hate who, or what, I've become. I hate the fact I bite my nails and that I have no money. I hate my teeth and how yellow they are. I hate how I'm so depressing to be around. I hate how, when something's going my way, it turns to shit a day or two later because of something I've said or done. I hate how I'm so depressing to be around. I hate my scars and I'm ashamed of them. I get really depressed when I miss you. I hate the fact my family has to spend all their money on my education, and I know they'll be ashamed when I fail it all ("when", not "if"). I hate the fact I'm a cunt to everyone.
Out of everyone in the whole world, the person I hate most is me.
I want all this to change, I'd give anything to be happy. I'm ashamed of what I am. But I guess this is life, isn't it? It fucking sucks.
I love getting to know people better, I hope you do too. This is me, this is everything about me in a couple of sentences. It makes me wonder what I've accomplished, really. The only thing I like about my body is my eyes. Without meaning to boast, I think they're beautiful. This isn't a suicide/cry-for-help thing, this is just me telling you who I am. I don't mean to depress you. I'm sorry for all the shit I've put you and him through. Stay with him, I'm not worthy of you.
But I'll always love you.
Don't change.
Ever.
It's 1:26am, I can't sleep.
It's 2:59am, I can't sleep.
It's 4:34am, I can't sleep.
It's 5:10am, I've listened to the same Touché Amoré album fifty fucking times. I can't sleep.
I miss Jess.
She'd know what to do.
And then there's me. I'm not particularly attractive. I hate my body. I hate my voice. I hate my personality. I hate the fact I have depression. I hate the fact I was too scared to see a counsellor when it was most severe, when I was suicidal. I hate the fact I use music to escape from this world when I'm too scared to face it. I hate the fact I'm not clever or academic. I only hate pretty boys because I'm jealous of them - they're all so skinny and beautiful. I avoid mirrors when I can. I hate the fact I smoke and drink. I hate who, or what, I've become. I hate the fact I bite my nails and that I have no money. I hate my teeth and how yellow they are. I hate how I'm so depressing to be around. I hate how, when something's going my way, it turns to shit a day or two later because of something I've said or done. I hate how I'm so depressing to be around. I hate my scars and I'm ashamed of them. I get really depressed when I miss you. I hate the fact my family has to spend all their money on my education, and I know they'll be ashamed when I fail it all ("when", not "if"). I hate the fact I'm a cunt to everyone.
Out of everyone in the whole world, the person I hate most is me.
I want all this to change, I'd give anything to be happy. I'm ashamed of what I am. But I guess this is life, isn't it? It fucking sucks.
I love getting to know people better, I hope you do too. This is me, this is everything about me in a couple of sentences. It makes me wonder what I've accomplished, really. The only thing I like about my body is my eyes. Without meaning to boast, I think they're beautiful. This isn't a suicide/cry-for-help thing, this is just me telling you who I am. I don't mean to depress you. I'm sorry for all the shit I've put you and him through. Stay with him, I'm not worthy of you.
But I'll always love you.
Don't change.
Ever.
It's 1:26am, I can't sleep.
It's 2:59am, I can't sleep.
It's 4:34am, I can't sleep.
It's 5:10am, I've listened to the same Touché Amoré album fifty fucking times. I can't sleep.
I miss Jess.
She'd know what to do.
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