Mikey's heart aches for Gerard. But not as a person, as a need. He misses him. He hasn't seen his older brother in 10 years. Will all change? Waycest.
It was kinda lonely in this apartment, what with being miles away from my family and shit. I missed Mikey, and Mikey was the only thing that kept me going through the day and noone could ever compare to him. He always looked so delicate and quiet, wouldn't hurt a fly and it hurts that I haven't seen him in years. He hasn't been to see me, and I haven't either but believe me, I have tried! I really have, but the drink's always calling me.
Alchohol makes me do things I really don't want to do and I hate what it makes me do. Hence, is why I keep myself locked up, away from the world and out of Mikey's harm. I mean, no wonder he hasn't been to see me in years, who would want an abusive brother in their life?
I hate myself. That's right, the ole' self loathing ticket, it's pathetic 'cause that's all I have to say for myself right now. Life would never be the same, and it's my fault. Yeah, you read this all the time in them mental health magazines, how they blame themselves for everything, say it's their fault. It's easy for me to say that it's not their fault but for me to say that it's not my fault that my brother doesn't want to see me anymore because that's just how it is.
I never seemed to understand the consequences of my actions. Of course, every action has it's consequence, but oddly, I didn't see it.
If I could turn back time, I would. How many times have I heard that before? It's always said it them stupid fucked up talk shows. Whiney bitches constantly stating "If I could go back in time and change it all, I would." But how do I know them people are really telling the truth? What if they weren't. What if they were only realising the amount of bullshit they got themselves in just recently and knew there was no way out so they form that sentence for a poor excuse to make everyone feel bad.
Just. Like. Me.
If you're going to take a risk at all, you might as well take a big risk.
I had whiskey for courage, maybe too much whiskey.
"So, I haven't heard from that brother of yours in a while?" Ray was tallking, or rather his lips were moving but I wasn't bothering to listen.
"Hmm?" I knocked back whatever remained of the whiskey that was left in the glass.
"You should stop downing that stuff, you'll get heartburn."
My eyes flickered to him, he wasn't concerned. Noone was, his brother didn't leave him. No, he wasn't concerned.
"Call your brother."
My eyes widened, "You've got to be joking me, right?"
Ray trailed his eyes along the dirty wooden floor of the dust ole' bar.
He shook his head, "You haven't seen him for years Mikey!," I shook my head, "Yes, years Mikey. Fucking /years/."
"Only a few."
Ray laughed, "Yeah, a few 10 years, you're 26. You need to visit your brother. Imagine how he feels!"
I stood up, "How he feels? He he feels? I don't give a goddamn how he feels!," Ray just watched, "He left /me/, I miss him, have you any fucking idea how much I miss him?,"
"Mikey, calm down. Come one, sit down."
"No, Ray!," My eyes prickled with tears, "I miss him."
I sat down and grabbed my phone, I went into my contacts and found Gerards number. My fingers lingered over the green call button. I mean, what if he's changed his number? Would that really mean he hates me? I pressed it, and hope for sheer luck that he was going to pick up and not crush my heart even further into a pit of dispair.
I tapped my foot on the floor, biting my lip. My mouth fell open when a grim voice answered the phone. Was it Gerard? Of course it was Gerard, I haven't heard his voice since I was 16.
"I'm sorry, I'm coming over."