Frerard oneshot! "It's all about you, Gee. It's always been about you."
Dedicated to my Boyfriend, who's currently recovering in hospital. I love you. :)
"I cannot fucking believe you!" Frank raged, glaring venomous dagger at me. He looked furious; hazel eyes burning, brows furrowed madly, fists clenching. His muscles were tight and rigid as he scowled up at me, grinding his jaw. But he also looked sad. No, worse than sad, like all the happiness had been sucked from his heart and instead, he was pumped full of melancholy emotions and negative thoughts.
"What?!" I snapped back. "What the fuck have I done this time!?"
If possible, Frank's glare just got harder.
I hadn't actually done anything. At one minute, we're laughing, watching Lord Of The Rings and throwing Skittles absentmindedly at each other, and once the film finished, Frank had asked me why I looked much happier than normal. He was obviously chuffed. So, I told him the reason: My new boyfriend, Pete, was the reason>
And he blew up like Mount fucking Vesuvius.
"Oh, how the fuck can't you know?!" he barked. "You're so fucking innocent and all this shit but you can't even get one fucking thing right!"
I frowned, kicking the bowl of skittles on the floor in front of me as I went to walk over to him, but he flinched away. "And what 'one fucking thing' have I done wrong?!" I asked, a little more softly, but still with a poisonous edge, as I crossed my arms over my chest, muscles flexing, trying to keep the hurt out of my expression.
Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes and mirroring my position, glare fierce. "What HAVEN'T you done wrong?!" he spat.
Okay. Ouch. That stung like a knife to the heart.
"Okay, Gerard, you really want I fucking example?!"
I nodded slowly, flinching at his tone.
"Fine!" And he marched over to me, about three inches shorter than me, still glowering at me. "You," he prodded my chest painfully, "Fucking let me, Ray and Mikey stand back and watch you fucking waste away on your precious booze and pills as you didn't even fucking listen to any of us and try get yourself any fucking help!"
I stood, frozen, staring down at him.
How dare he? How.. how DARE he! He knew I was depressed, technically already six feet under, and wasting away on the booze and pills because I felt I needed them. What could I do?! I couldn't see fucking clearly on a daily basis, never mind hearing my thoughts clearly!
"Oh, fuck you, Frank," I snarled, prodding his chest equally as hard. He remained unflinching. "How can you even fucking say such a horrible thing?! You knew I felt I fucking needed them and-"
"Yes, Gee, but you fucking had us!" he spat.
But then, he let out a small, crackled sob and collapsed to the couch, head in his hands. "You had us," he repeated, voice no less than a broken whisper.
I sat next to him, staring at him intently, waiting for his next move.
In the background came the soft fuzzing of TV and our breathing; steady, deep breaths in the thick tension of the room.
"Do you know what it was like," he started, voice hoarse. "To of had to stand back and watch you practically kill yourself on a daily basis, Gee? It hurt us so much. It still hurts so much.. The memories.." Frank squeezed his eyes tightly closed and fisted at his hair, a tears crawling down his face. "They wont go! They wont leave me alone. I don't know what to do anymore, Gee. I'm lost. I can't keep thinking you'll get back into that state. I can't let you get back into that state! Do you know what would happen to me?!"
I placed a gentle hand on his knee. "T-To you?" I asked tenderly, careful not to prick any sour emotions.
But I do.
"Of course, Gerard!" he snapped, abruptly standing up and growling under his breath. "I can't believe you could never fucking see it after all the fucking hints I have given you all these years, but you just keep telling me about all your fucking boyfriends and your dates and-"
I stood up too, sighing in defeat. "See what, Frank?! Please fucking tell me so I can just.. just see what I've done!"
Frank stared up at me, biting his lips, tears falling softly down his face. He looked torn, broken, like his heart had been stabbed and twisted.
I couldn't believe I made someone so beautiful and innocent feel like that. I wasn't worthy of being his friend; he was too good to have me bringing him down. He was too wonderful.
Finally, Frank's fists flexed and undid themselves and his body sagged in defeat.
"It's all about you, Gee," he mumbled. "It's always been about you."
I raised an inquisitive eyebrow, heart thumping 100 miles per hour, almost humming, palms sweating, mind whirling nonsensically. Did he mean..? I mean, I hope he meant..
Frank sighed heavily. "Gee, I fucking love you, okay? I love you so much it hurts. It hurts to see that everyday you don't love me back, that everyday I have to see memories flashing through my brain of you, drowning in alcohol. It hurts to hear you tell me about your new boyfriends. It hurts to love you so fucking much and so unconditionally that I actually convinced myself it was rational and okay to be so fucking infatuated with the thought of you and me, that I-"
He didn't finish, because before he can, I've slammed my lips on his.
It was nothing big, not a big kiss. It was quite small, in reality; My lips brushed against his, an electric shock pulsing softly through my body as I sighed, relieved as Frank, once motionless in shock, started to tentatively, hesitantly, kiss me back.
My heart was jumping in time with Frank's erratically thumping chest, butterflies swirling in my stomach, making me feel dizzy with lust, love, bliss and pleasure. I loved him. I loved him.
I loved him.
Him was Frank. I was me. And I and him were kissing.
And it felt right.
No, it felt amazing; breaths warm and sweet on each other's faces, lips grazing tenderly over one another's, eyes fluttered closed, trembling hands anxiously roaming each other's backs and hips. It was simply bliss - blissfully real; the shaky hearts and wide eyes, lips touching softly, sweetly, uncertainly, hearts melted.
We finally pulled back, still shaking with a mix of emotions - all clashing horribly yet beautifully with one another, breathing uneven as small, effervescent smiles crept on each of our faces.
I held my forehead against his, his eyes bright and dancing happy, smile wide and filled with such joy he looked like he could burst, glowing in ecstasy.
"I love you too, Frankie. It's all about you."
His eyes fluttered closed contentedly as he let out a small mewl of appreciation, chest pressed up against mine. I felt saddened; I wasn't able to stare into his captivating eyes.
But then I asked myself: Why should I be sad?
I may not be able to stare into his amazing eyes, but I had him. I had Frank and Frank had me. We loved each other.
I had the most beautiful boy on earth. And I shouldn't be sad about that.
So, I pressed a small, hesitant kiss against his lips, heart thumping as I did so. "It's always been you," I whispered again.
And It always has been.
I hope you liked it! I'll be writing another oneshot soon, so expect to see my name again. :)