I had Gerard Way. Gerard Arthur Way was mine. I didn't even know how it had happened, nor did it register itself in my mind right away. It was taking time to settle in, why would he want me back? Short, ugly, fucked up "emo". I hated that label. A pair of jeans and a love for eyeliner and i was instantly seen as an emo, although i wasn't. I was just a normal teenager from New Jersey, i just wished people could see that.
I sit up from the softness of my bed and shudder as my bare feet brush against the ice cold laminate floor. I slowly find the energy and strength to stand up and make my way to the bathroom. I run a hand through my unwashed bed hair, it needed a good wash not to mention a cut too. Maybe a touch of red at the sides? Blonde? They are meant to have more fun after all, plus i've never died my hair before, a new colour would be a fun experience.
I quickly jump into the shower and turn the dial. A shower of perfect hot water trickling over my skin and running down my back. I hiss as my scars sting at the impact and sudden contact from the water, looking down slightly i realise they're beginning to bleed again, i don't rush for a first aid kit though,no, i stand there and watch the crimson liquid run from my veiny, white arms and downwards, staining my fingers before leaving dots in the usually crystal white of the bathtub. It's relaxing almost. Just watching every little drop fall like a teardrop, feeling the mixed running of water and blood on your skin. Maybe that's a crazy thing to say, maybe i'm just more fucked up than i first thought.
I quickly shake my head, distracting myself knowing how disappointed my family would be in me. How disappointed Gerard would feel. I'd only just got him, i didn't want to lose him straight away. I never wanted to lose him at any time, but so early would crush me. Crush both of us.
Just like my secret could.
I saunter into school and can't contain the unusual smile that is spread across my face. I never smile at anyone on the way in to school. School's like a Nazi camp, who on earth could smile at the idea of that? I could. Not because it was a weekday. Not because it was school. No, it was because my freaking gorgeous boyfriend would be here and i could have him all to myself for once. It would be him and me against all of those ex friends of mine and any homophobic pricks who thought same sex relationships were wrong. It was two people in a relationship who cared for one another, i see no wrong in that or maybe i'm missing something? Either way, i didn't care for fuck all today. I had something great to look forward too.
" Gee, I like it when you're happy like this." My little brother was smiling down at me. I know I said "little" brother. Younger would be a better word though. The kid is 5 foot ten and counting, and i'm five eight, five nine at the most. Not to mention the fact he was skinny and had very prominent knees. You'd think he was a scarecrow if it wasn't for his perfectly groomed hair and face. He spends alot of effort time and money on those. "Thanks Mikes. I like seeing you happy too." I reply, slinging my backpack over my shoulder.
And then there's a sudden burst of people running. Where are they going? What's happening? I hear a girl scream. " Frank Frank!" And then something inside me knows. In the middle of that huddle of people, is my Frank.
I stroll along the grey concrete looking down at my beaten, scuffed converse that have scribbled profanities and drawings covering the red fabric. Having cousins and friends that couldn't resist swearing had it's upsides and it's downsides. Today was brighter than yesterday, and it gave me hope. Because today was my and Gerards first day together. And thre sun had come out to wish us with luck.
Out of nowhere, my head spins. The colours of my surroundings are turning into a merge of blacks and greys. The sky a bleak white. I hear voices. I can hear voices! Then a ringing begins to pierce my ears and the next thing i know, is my body is in a heap on the floor.