The Hardest Part is the Awful Things That I’ve Seen
“I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good.” I whispered underneath my sobs until I fell asleep...
Chapter 5: The Hardest Part is the Awful Things That I’ve Seen
I woke up, and realized Sarah had left. Damn she didn’t mess around, she was in and out. I thought about the night before and it was great. I wanted to see her again. It had been so long since I had just laid with a girl and just talked and laughed about nothing. Not to mention I hadn’t smoked weed with a girl since high school. There was just something about her that I loved. I wanted to know more about her and I intended to do so. I rolled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I noticed it was far too quiet for Gerard to be here, so I knew I was alone. I looked over at the table by the door and saw a note.
Last night had to be one of the best nights I have had in a long time. I know you probably think its strange how I just left even though we didn’t even sleep together. But last night was a mistake, and I am sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. But I probably shouldn’t see you again. Which you and I both know means that I will. Okay so yeah bye.
I read the note out loud in the empty apartment. Feeling both confused and happy, she was so unlike any other girl I had ever met. But I had a feeling that there was something that she needed to be saved from, I just wasn’t sure what that was yet.
I heard the door open and saw Gerard walk in.
“Hey man what’s up?” he said, taking pride in his walk of shame.
“Well you reek of sex.” I laughed, reading the smirk on his face.
“Is it really that potent?” h joked back.
“Yes, but how was she?” I asked, knowing if I didn’t he would still tell me.
“Ah she was a pro, we actually have another date. I honestly don’t know how that happened, but I actually don’t mind.” Gerard said bewildered as he went into the kitchen and got a bagel.
“Oh Gerard Way has a crush.” I taunted him.
“Shut the fuck up, I do not. I just like the sex.” He defended himself.
“Mhm sure.” I joked.
“So how was your night? You dipped out.”
“Yeah Sarah and I just hung out here. It was fun.” I smiled thinking about the night before.
“Oh did you get any?” Gerard asked hopefully.
“Is that all you care about?”
“Yes. And did you?” he asked again.
“No I didn’t, and I am perfectly fine with that.” I said proud.
“Dude you’re crazy, sex rocks.” Gerard said as he went in his room.
“Well some of us actually want relationships!” I yelled from the kitchen.
“Relationships are for pussies!” Gerard laughed.
I chuckled, leaning on the kitchen counter. I just hoped I could see Sarah again.
Earlier That Day
I cracked my eyes open caused by the morning light shining in the room. I didn’t even remember getting home. I opened my eyes fully and in front of me was Frank. Oh no. I panicked I sat up in the bed and looked around. I saw the gray walls; I looked at the bulky black furniture. I wasn’t home. I was at Frank’s I must’ve dozed off last night. I was still fully clothed that was a good sign. I got out of bed as quietly as I could, I needed to get home, and pray to god Peter had to end up working into his next shift and that he wasn’t home. I tip toed across the Frank’s room. When I got to the door I opened it as quietly as possible. The door was almost open when it made a small squeak. My heart stopped I cocked my head back towards the bed and saw Frank shift his sleeping position, turning onto the side of the bed I was on. I went through the doorway into the main area of the apartment. I didn’t see Gerard anywhere, which meant he was at Molly’s house. This means she had succeeded. I grabbed my purse off the table and left Frank a note. I pulled out my phone and had only one text from Peter.
“Enough.” That’s all it said. I had no idea what was going to be in store for me when I got home. But I was scared shitless. I hailed a cab, the whole ride I was shaking. The cabby driver could tell I was on edge because he kept looking at me in his mirror with a worried
look on his face.
“Well here’s your stop.” He said, calmingly.
“Thanks.” I said my voice was already shaky. “Here.” I said as I handed him his money.
“Hey kid, you gonna be all right?” he asked concerned.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I said as convincingly as I could and got out of the cab.
I looked at my house in the suburbs, it looked normal from the outside. White, blue shutters, and a matching blue door. Oh and of course the perfect lawn. I always thought this house was gonna be the house Peter and I would have happy family with, but I really never want to bare this man’s offspring anymore. I would rather die. I took a deep breath and walked up the walkway. I put my key in the door, turning it and pushed the door open. I walked in quietly and shut the door behind me. I placed my keys on the table looking around.
I knew he was here, I could feel it, that sense of fear in veins. My body was already shaking, I knew something terrible was about to happen. Something that would the worst out of all the beatings I had received before. I started to walk up the stairs, I didn’t really know where else to go except my room.
“Hello.” I heard Peter’s voice close behind me. “Where exactly have you been?” he said softly, but I could hear the underlying anger.
“I fell asleep on Molly’s couch last night.” I spit on the first lie that came in to my head.
“Really?” he questioned.
“Yes, and I need to go shower hun.” Maybe I would be fine, maybe he wasn’t even mad.
“Hmm.” He pondered and just stood there.
I decided to start walking up the stairs again. I felt his hand grab my hair and pull me back down.
“Ah Peter!” I yelled out in pain.
“Liar, I always told you never to lie to me hun. Now I believe we need to have a little chat.” He said coldly.
I felt his grip tighten and he dragged me up the stairs to our room by the hair.
“Peter stop.” I cried out.
“Get up bitch.” He ordered.
I didn’t dare think about testing his patience so I did as he said.
“Peter I am so sorry.” I pleaded.
“God shut the fuck up.” He said carelessly as he smacked me hard across the face.
“I know you weren’t at Molly’s last night. You were probably off fucking some guy weren’t you?” He raised his voice.
I stayed silent; the tears were already streaming down my face. I didn’t even want to speak to him.
“WEREN’T YOU!” he screamed as he pushed me up against the wall.
“No I wasn’t.” I cried.
“Liar.” He threw me onto the bed.
“Am I not enough for you? Do I not work hard enough to buy you all the fucking stupid shit you want? Well that’s fine if you want to act like a whore I’ll treat you like a fucking whore bitch.” He screamed.
“Peter please don’t” I yelled.
He hit me across the face again. I could taste the blood in my mouth. His hands reached for my legs and he tried to pull the apart. I fought with him trying to keep them closing.
“NO PETER.” I screamed at the top of my lungs, kicking and screaming, trying to get him to release his grip. I didn't give a fuck about testing his patience anymore. I wanted him off me.
He climbed on top of me and slapped me again.
“The more you talk, the more painful it will be.” He whispered tauntingly in my ear as he started to kiss my lips.
I didn’t kiss him back, I just laid there lifeless sobbing. Peter took off his shirt and started kissing me down my neck. He started to move his hand up my shirt; I started trying to wiggle free again, but that only mad e him angrier.
“Stay fucking still.” He pushed me back down and ripped my shirt and my bra off my body with his hands.
“Please Peter, I am so sorry. I’ll be good.” I begged for him to stop.
“The more you talk, the more painful it will be.” He said again, but this time more cruel than before.
I cried, as he started sucking on breast. It was painful, he was biting them. I couldn’t stop crying, I just wanted it to end. I lied there for about five minutes trying to escape his groping. He finally had stopped. I sighed out in relief. Then I heard the unzipping sound of his pants and my stomach sank.
“Take your pants off.” He ordered.
I couldn’t let this go any further. I was stronger than this and it needed to stop.
“No. Peter.” I cried. “Please don’t do this.”
“Take your pants off, or I will do it for you.” he looked at me like I was a piece of meat.
I quietly unzipped my pants and took them off. Peter launched at me again, he pushed me onto the bed as he fell on top of me. He didn’t waste any time. He thirsted himself into me, hard.
“AHH.” I cried out again, in pain.
“You know you want it. Stop crying whore.” He panted as he kept pushing himself in and out of me.
Each thrust got harder; I could feel them getting deeper, and my insides tearing. All I could do was cry.
“Tell me you love me.” He panted again.
I didn’t even want to look at him; I could feel his sweaty body on top of me. I felt so violated and dirty. He grabbed the back of my head firmly.
“AH!!” I screeched out again. I wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere. I wanted my father to come in and save me.
“TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.” He cried out as he pumped himself into me.
“I---love---you---" I sobbed out.
“Your mine, no one else wants you.” He gripped my chest, grabbing at my breast so hard I thought they were going to be torn off.
“Oh god.” He cried out in pleasure. “I’m almost there.”
I just lied there, waiting for him to finish. Waiting for him to leave my body.
“Sarah! Fuck. Ahhh.” He collapsed onto me.
I felt him pull out of me. I was holding back my sobs. I watched Peter get dressed, as I still laid on the bed.
“Go get yourself cleaned up you whore. You got blood all over my sheets.” He said as he spat on me.
I felt it hit my face, but I just wanted him to leave, so I could cry.
I heard the bedroom door open.
“Remember you do this to yourself, but I still love you baby. I’m going to work.” He shut the door and he was just gone.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” I cried out.
I could feel the pain all over my body. I was cold, and soaked in Peter’s sweat. I just laid there naked and cried. I couldn’t feel the blood that I was laying in, but I knew exactly where it was coming from. I couldn’t live like this much longer. This was the first and last time this was going to happened. I wouldn’t disobey him again I would be good.
“I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be good.” I whispered underneath my sobs until I fell asleep.