"My fucking head hurts!" Was what I woke up to the next morning, buried in Brendon's blankets.
I rolled over, attempting to shut him out. "Mine too. Now shut the fuck up."
Brendon groaned, "Well morning Miss sunshine. Would you like some ibuprofen?"
"Yes please." I replied, face buried in a pillow. "It's bright in here. Can you turn off the light?"
"The light isn't on love." Brendon replied, grinning. "That's the sun."
"Make it go away." I begged.
Brendon laughed and a few minutes later the room got considerably darker. I turned over to see Brendon tacking a sheet over the window. I smiled, "Thank you." I felt unreasonable and yet here he was, putting up with me.
It was then that I realized I wasn't wearing clothing. "Oh god. Fuck. Did we-" I bit my lip, not even daring to ask the question as I thought of Brendon's fingers touching me in every spot imaginable.
Brendon shook his head, "Nah."
"No?" I asked, confused.
"I think we did everything but fuck..." He explained.
My face went incredibly red and I groaned again. "Please don't tell Spencer."
"I didn't plan on it." Brendon replied. Then he stopped, midstep and looked at me, "Wait... are you guys already dating?"
"Thank god." Brendon replied.
"What?" I was confused.
"I just didn't want to feel like a douchebag friend. That makes me feel better."
"Ibuprofen?" I asked, changing the subject. I felt like a douchebag friend/love interest.
With that Brendon left the room, leaving me to my own thoughts. They weren't cheerful. Where had the happiness gone?
I didn't have too much time to think about it because Brendon came walking in with a bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of orange juice. I gratefully accepted both, sharing with Brendon. He pulled my cell phone from his pocket. "Ready to face the music? Spencer keeps calling."
"Even now?" I asked, checking the clock. It was now 12:30 in the afternoon.
Brendon nodded, "32 missed calls."
"Shit." I breathed out.
"I'm gonna shower." Brendon said, biting his lip. "This... this never happened. I know how much you like Spencer. I wouldn't ruin that."
I nodded, "Thank you Brendon." So much for my whole 'being different' thing. I'd already crossed the line with Brendon. He was just so friendly and there for me when I needed someone... Or was I just trying to make myself feel better about being easy? I refused to answer my own question, knowing I wouldn't appreciate the truth.
With shaky fingers I pressed call and waited, each ring bringing me closer to a nervous breakdown. "Hey." His greeting startled me. He sounded so calm, so collected. Why was I freaking out? Oh yeah, I just did sexual-ish things with one of his best friends after finding out that I really liked him.
"Why do you want me to move in with you so badly?" My question came out forced but I needed to know. I needed to know why he had gotten so pushy the night before. What was the big deal?
"You asked... So don't hate my answer, okay?" Spencer asked, sounding timid.
"I won't. Just tell me." God my head hurt so badly.
"I was afraid of losing you to Ryan." Spencer said, feeling like an idiot.
Silence filled our ears as I thought over his words. They made sense. One night at Brendon's and I'd crossed the line. Spencer's worries weren't unfounded. "I'll do it." I said, after the uncomfortable silence. "If you still want me too." I added.
"Why the sudden change of heart?" Spencer asked. I focused on the way he prounounced every single word and I found I even liked the way he spoke.
"I just... I understand your concern." That sounded wrong! I couldn't take my words back though seeing as how I'd already spoken them.
"So, it is something to worry about?" Spencer asked, skeptically.
"No, no!" I said, quite loudly.
"No?" Spencer asked, pausing. "What did you do last night? You never texted me back."
"What you implied was rude." I said, remembering the words he texted me last night.
"That's why I apologized immediately and sent you about 12 texts taking my words back. Have you not even read them?"
Fuck. "No... I'm sorry Spencer. I just- I saw you called and I just immediately called you back."
"That's... sweet." He said, uncertainty coloring his tone. "So, you want to live with me?"
"I want things to be okay between us."
"Things are okay between us."
"You aren't mad about how I reacted the other night?"
"I'm not going to get mad about something like that." Spencer replied.
"I'm sorry." I realized I hadn't really even apologized for that yet.
"I'm sorry for being pushy. I'm just... a little paranoid with girls I really like." Spencer said, sounding nervous.
"I really like you too Spencer." I admitted.
I could practically hear him smiling over the phone, "Then don't do anything you don't want to do."
"Even if that means not moving in with you?"
"That's exactly what I'm getting at Kade. I don't want you to feel forced and I certainly don't want you to be unhappy with me... But, do you think maybe we could try out that date thing again? Ours didn't go so well." Spencer asked.
I smiled, "More twilight and arguing?"
"A little less of both actually." Spencer replied.
"I have to go Brendon... I have work in like... three hours." I said, lamely.
Brendon gave me the most adorably ridiculous puppy dog facial expression I had ever seen. "What?" I asked, shaking my head to attempt to stop my laughter from coming because I knew shortly after laughing I would cave in to staying though I had no idea as to why he wanted me to stay.
"Three hours?" He asked, rolling his eyes. "Let's hang out!"
Slowly I entangled my fingers, staring down at them with peaked interest. "You'll drop me off at work then?" I asked, having already given in. Hanging out with him after... being in bed with him in a not so friendly way just seemed kind of wrong though. I felt like I was still doing something terrible to Spencer. He didn't deserve someone like me. He deserved someone that wouldn't mess around with his friends. He deserved someone so much better.
"Of course." Brendon said. I could hear the smug smile in his tone without even looking up at his face.
"Do you think this will ever work?" I asked quietly, feeling quite dimmed. Despite having spoken with Spencer... my mood had not lifted. I felt like a dirty cheating liar though technically I had done nothing wrong. Technicalities aside, I'd done a million things wrong. I basically picked a fight with Spencer by standing up for myself, only to later take it all back and cave in to his pressure... claiming I wanted to move in with him when I didn't want to. I didn't sleep with his best friend but it was close enough, just too confusing to label. I lied to Spencer. I lied about how I felt when he asked me if I wanted to move in. Why was I doing this?
It was so simple. I was doing this because I wanted Spencer to like me, to really really like me. I didn't think he'd like me if I was honest. I didn't think he'd like the fighting. I knew he wouldn't like the truth. I didn't think he'd like me.
"Oh yeah, this thing always works. Just press the green button on the remote. It may look old but I love it to death." Brendon replied, picking up the remote for his television.
I groaned and fell backwards in to his comfortable bed as the television in his room turned on. "Oh, you meant something deeper didn't you?" Brendon asked, flipping through the channels.
"No Brendon." I sarcastically replied. "I was simply worried for your television."
Brendon nodded, "Yeah, well... I think things between you and Spencer will be fine. We just have to put last night behind us. I already have."
I sighed, "How is it that easy? I feel dirty."
"Would you like to shower?" Brendon asked.
I rolled my eyes and didn't respond, wishing Spencer could talk to me about this. I felt he would have the ability to make things better, if it didn't concern him and... me being unable to tell him.
Brendon shrugged and breathed out, "I'm not really good at this. This has always been Spencer and Ryan's department. I understand though, I guess and I'm trying... I just don't see what the big deal is."
"Did you see what the big deal was in the past when you slept with your best friends girlfriends?" Harsh. My fingers covered my mouth but it was too late. The words were out and they weren't coming back.
Brendon looked as if I had physically wounded him. I immediately regretted my words. "It's been awhile Kade but I guess... I guess with you I'm back to the beginning. I don't regret it this time though." Brendon stared me directly in the eyes, causing goosebumps to form over my skin.
"Spencer wants me to move in with him." I whispered.
Brendon nodded, "You're upset about what we did so you're lashing out at me. What do you want from me? You want me to tell you thats a bad idea? Do you want me to tell you that your future with him will be perfect and that you should go for it?"
All I could do was nod, realizing that's what I did want and I was lashing out at him. I was being unreasonable. Horribly unreasonable.
Brendon leaned closer, his breath tickling my skin. I stayed in place, hoping he wasn't going to make a move. Hadn't we made it painfully clear that we would just be friends, despite the previous night? "I don't regret last night because you're not with Spencer yet." Brendon informed me. "Nothing we've done together means shit. Spencer has no right to be mad. You need to do what you want to do because if you can't do so because of Spencer... then you don't need to be with him."
"Look whose being deep now." I whispered, staring in to Brendon's eyes.
Brendon grinned, "Kiss me Kade."
The words shocked me. I stayed frozen, confusion playing over my face. "K-kiss you?" I asked.
"Yeah." Brendon breathed out. "Do it for yourself. Do it for me. Do it without thinking of Spencer."
"This is wrong." I replied, debating pulling away. His lips did look quite enticing however, his calm tone driving me closer.
Brendon laughed, "Nope." He pulled his lips away. "This kiss is for us. It's a kiss goodbye to anything out of friend territory but it has to be completely void of Spencer. Got it?" He asked, smiling playfully.
I nodded and understood what he was doing. "A kiss goodbye to anything out of friend territory." I repeated, letting the words roll over in my mind. Brendon was right. I had no reason to feel bad about what we'd done. Spencer and I weren't together but I wanted to be together with him. I wanted to be his. I wanted him to be mine. But I wasn't and he wasn't. Brendon seemed so dense but he... he was quite deep, filled with intelligence. Our lips collided and the kiss was brief, passionless. We both pulled away smiling though. "All better?" Brendon asked, amused.
I smiled and nodded, "Yeah. Thank you Brendon."
Brendon yawned, "All of this deep thinking stuff is making me sleepy. Can we nap before work?"
I rolled my eyes, "You don't have to work tonight."
"Yeah but I have to take you to work and then sit around and bug you for awhile so... nap?"
I nodded, "Maybe we shouldn't drink together anymore." I stated, laying back in his bed next to him.
Brendon laughed. "Are you kidding me? We are the most awesome-est drunk uncoupled couple that has ever existed!" He declared.
I could do nothing other than agree and allow myself to fall in to a light sleep, my mind still focused on Spencer.