I knew even the best friendships fell apart.
Amy and I were spread across her living room couch each with our own container of ice cream. The creamy goodness spread through my body yet it still could not save me from the pain I felt when I thought of Brendon. It had felt amazing to not worry about having to be judged. It felt good to have someone that cared about me the way that he seemed to. It felt good to care about him... He was a great friend. How could I let fear force me to give that up?
"Your phone is going crazy." Amy said, picking it up off of the counter. "Ooh, who is Brendon?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows as she held my phone out.
I blushed and quickly hit end call, sending him straight to voice mail. What would I say? What could I say? I was a fool. That didn't change how I felt though, it never would. I'd rather just hurt now instead of later... because hurt always came. I expected it now.
That's when I saw the other missed calls, the voice-mails, and the texts. Amy paused the movie, "Do you want to call him back?" She asked, realizing immediately that he was the reason I was bingeing on ice cream.
"I messed up with him Amy." Was all I could say. "I can't turn back time and I can't take back my words... I don't think I want to. This is for the best."
Amy rolled her eyes, "Are you really going to be this stupid when it comes to what I'm guessing is romance despite the fact that you have told me nothing about this boy, so I have to guess and Hayley stop being an idiot!?!" She breathed the sentence out so fast that all I could do was stare at her in confusion.
Amy sighed and re-started, at a slower speaking pace. "You deserve something really good. If he can make you this sad then he can obviously make you really happy. Is he why you've been so ridiculously happy lately? ... I don't see why being apart and unhappy is for the best. If he can't stop calling you then it evidently isn't best for him. So who is this supposed to be best for?"
"I don't know." I finally admitted, thinking over her words.
"Then call him." Amy said, gesturing towards her bedroom door. "I'll give you privacy."
I nodded, standing from the couch. "Thanks." I quickly thanked her before going to her bedroom, closing the door behind me.
The phone shook in my hand as I stared down at the screen, at Brendon's last text. -I don't want to not have you in my life. Just tell me what I did and I'll take it back. I'll take it all back. Let's just start over. Just give me that chance!-
He was truly amazing. I was so lucky to come by a person like him. Now here I was... causing him pain to avoid what I thought would cause me pain. It was supposed to avoid pain for both of us though. It just didn't work like that...
His phone rang. I could feel my heart racing. That's when I got that feeling... like something was going to go terribly wrong. That's when Brendon didn't pick up; someone else did. "Hello?" A thickly feminine voice spoke in to my ear.
I froze, unsure of what to say. Could I say anything? Brendon had never mentioned a girlfriend before...
"Is someone there?" The girl asked, words slurring slightly. Were they out drinking? He was older... I kept forgetting all of the details about him. When we spoke on the phone everything just fell away.
"Yeah, sorry." I cleared my throat and tried to speak up, straining to sound confident. "Can you just tell Brendon something for me?"
"Sure." The girl replied, waiting.
What amazingly insightful thing could I say or have said for me? I envisioned my words being beautiful, filling him with some type of emotion. I wanted these parting words to have some kind of effect, I just wasn't sure what kind. A calming effect? It turned out that Amy was wrong. I was right. I needed to end this charade. Brendon and I were two different types of people. People like us... We just didn't belong in the same world. If he were to meet me then he would realize this. I couldn't live through that.
"Tell him I'm sorry." Was all I could think of. The girl began to speak but I hung up, clinging on to the last bit of sanity within me.
Then I sank to the ground, laying my head against Amy's bed. I cried. I cried a lot. It felt good. It felt freeing. I had done the right thing... I just knew I had.
Nothing good came from hope. I could hope for a million things. I could hope for things between me and Brendon to stay the same but I was no fool. I knew even the best friendships fell apart. Even the most in-tune people grew out of their feelings.
I was nothing.
Soon enough he would realize that.
"Who was that?" I slurred out immediately, my mind on Hayley.
Anna shrugged, "Telemarketer." With that she threw my phone to the ground and sent me a suggestive wink, insinuating that tonight would hold a lot more than alcohol.
If Hayley didn't want me... at least someone did.
(Okay, short short chapter... I'm sorry! Next chapter: The concert. Thank you so much GAClive for reviewing!)