I let out a deep breath and smiled. For the first time in three months, I actually felt happy.
I leaned against my door and closed my eyes. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It seemed like every time I was around Gerard I just couldn't control myself. Each time I was near him it was a struggle to not reach out and touch him. I could barely keep my hands to myself. I don't remember anything about the movie we were watching because I was too focused on keeping my hands to myself. I sighed, I really needed to get a grip. He wasn't even interested, he was just being nice because I just moved in. He probably treated everyone like this.
I opened my eyes and looked around my apartment. It seemed so empty, like something was missing. I needed someone to be here with me. I couldn't be by myself. I needed someone to keep me company, and I wanted that someone to be Gerard.
I shook my head, walking to my couch. I shouldn't be thinking like that. I sat down and stared down at my wedding ring. Every time I thought about Gerard, I felt like I was being unfaithful to Sam. I pulled the ring off, setting it in the palm of my hand, and stared at it. But then again, Sam did tell me to move on after he was gone. Maybe I was supposed to move on and be with Gerard.
I put the ring back on and grabbed the picture that was sitting on the coffee table. It was from the day Sam and I got married. We both looked so happy and so in love. Neither of us had any idea of what was about to happen. I felt tears falling down my cheeks, “Sam, what am I supposed to do? I love you so much, but Gerard makes me feel so...” I stopped. I stared at Sam in the picture, tears falling heavier. I really wished he could talk to me and tell me that everything would be okay.
The longer I stared at the picture, the more I thought about what Sam told me. He wanted me to move on. He wanted me to love someone else the way I had loved him. Maybe I should. Maybe after three months, it was finally time to move on and try to love someone else.
I set the picture down and took my wedding ring off again. As I stared at the ring, I started to feel better, like a weight had been lifted. At that moment I decided it was okay for me to let go of Sam and try to be with Gerard. I let out a deep breath and smiled. For the first time in three months, I actually felt happy.
I stood up, the ring in the palm of my hand, and I walked into the bathroom where I put the ring in the medicine cabinet. I shut the cabinet and instantly felt naked. It felt like I was missing something, but I knew that I had to leave it off. It was time to move on. It's what Sam wanted, and deep down, I wanted to move on, too.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a while just taking everything in. My face was stained from the tears, but underneath the sadness I could see happiness. I wanted to be happy, and now I was finally headed in that direction. I was finally moving on. I knew Sam would be happy.
I headed back into the living room and sat back down on the couch. In a weird way, I felt relieved. It seemed like everything was starting to fall into place. Sam's last wish was for me to move on and love someone else, and I was going to do just that. Because I knew he would want me to be happy, no matter what. I was sure that he was smiling down on me, glad that I was finally moving on. I pictured myself being with Gerard. I couldn't help by smile. It felt right, like I was supposed to be with him.
I pushed all my thoughts out of my head and flipped on the TV. I searched through the channels for a while before settling for a show about aliens. I glanced at the clock, it was only seven. Early. I was starting to regret leaving Gerard's apartment, but I couldn't go back now. That would be weird, then he would probably think I was a freak.
I sighed, standing up. I walked down the hallway to my bedroom. I grabbed a blanket from my bed and brought it out into the living room. I lay down on the couch and covered up with my blanket. As I sat there, watching the show about aliens, I couldn't keep my mind off Gerard. I was ready to move on and get over Sam, and I wanted to do just that with Gerard.