Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > The Lonely
The Lonely
2 ReviewsIt's Boxing Day and DJ has decided to approach Axl about his unwillingness to let go of his ex-band.
2 am, where do I begin
Crying off my face again
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed
Axl sighed as he shut the front door and re-entered the front room, paper cups adorned every surface and the ashtrays were full, “You wanna a hand?” a voice offered, Axl jumped in shock, his head whipped around to see DJ leaning against the doorframe, he visibly relaxed as the guitarist stepped into the room
“I thought you’d gone home” Axl said, turning back to the room and started to clear by sweeping stuff into rubbish bags
“Nah, I figured I’d stay and see how you are” DJ answered, the singer frowned, pausing in his movements
“What’d you mean?” he asked warily, DJ sighed, walking up to Axl and placing his hands on either side of the elder man’s face, forcing the other to look at him and accept he wasn’t a threat
“Ax, relax I’m not here to hurt you or upset you, I just know Christmas isn’t an easy time for you” he explained as Axl pulled away from him
“That’s sweet DJ but I’m okay” he said, resuming the task at hand, wishing the guitarist would just leave or shut up already, he enjoyed DJ’s company but not when he was trying to talk about things Axl didn’t care for, or rather didn’t want to care for anymore.
“No you’re not, you miss them, and it’s obvious Axl” DJ said softly, hoping the other wouldn’t react badly, “I don’t know why you miss them, from what Duff was saying, they behaved like dicks” Axl stopped again, keeping his back to the younger, Axl murmured
“They were” turning back to DJ he asked “You wanna stay?” DJ looked taken aback for a moment before saying
“Sure” Axl nodded, a small smile sent to the other, DJ returned it, knowing it was faked
“Help yourself to a bedroom, I’m just gonna clear up then I’m going to bed” DJ nodded, making his way to the stairs slowly.
I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well
“Axl?”
“Yeh?”
“Why do you miss them?”
“Are you gonna leave that subject alone?” Axl snapped then immediately regretted it as hurt flashed in DJ’s eyes briefly before he steeled himself and answered
“No I’m not” Axl glared at him before giving in and saying
“They meant a lot to me and I had some of the best years of my life with them, they hurt me and I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have, it’s not missing them, its regret”
“Axl, you barely have anything to regret, you were in love with Slash and he betrayed you, left your band for a woman, destroying it all in the process and then blamed it on you and Duff went along with it, despite knowing what had actually happened yeh you said things that perhaps you shouldn’t, but they deserved it” DJ said, then bit his lip realizing he’d said too much.
“Ashba, how do you know so much?” Axl asked suspiciously, panic beginning to claw at his nerves as DJ looked away from his burning gaze guiltily
“We found the Use Your Illusions videos” he mumbled avoiding looking at the singer,
“What!”
“It was a complete accident! We were just browsing the companies’ files and we found them, we’d already started watching before we realized what they were! I’m sorry!” DJ said quickly, Axl looked away trying to calm down but words burst forth before his mind had time to catch them
“Can you lot not leave things alone! I didn’t want you to watch them! For fucks sake! Can I not trust you!” DJ remained silent; Axl waited, almost as if he wanted an answer before asking “Why the fuck did you keep watching?” again silence met his words “Give me an answer!” he demanded crossing the room to stand close to the younger man.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
“We wanted to know what had happened” DJ answered quietly “People don’t just decide to stop talking to someone who was clearly important to them” Axl looked away from DJ’s guilty face, again trying to pull himself together before he ended up hurting someone else he loved.
“Why didn’t you ask?” he said quietly, anger restrained in his tone
“You wouldn’t tell us, we’d asked since I arrived and the guys said they’d been asking since they signed up with you and most of them are approaching or have already been here longer than a decade, you wouldn’t tell us, Dizzy wouldn’t tell us he said it wasn’t our right to know” DJ explained, almost wishing he’d never bothered with this now, he was seeing a side of Axl which he didn’t like.
Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me till I fall asleep
“Dizzy was right, it isn’t any of your concern what happened with me and my old band, and if you needed to know I would have told you” Axl snapped
“Why wouldn’t you tell us?” the guitarist asked softly
“What so you could go to the press about knowing what ended Guns n Roses? So that you could boast to people that you had the inside story, the exclusive? I’m not a fucking thing you can exploit! Though you will! All of you fucking will!”
“Axl no we won’t! None of us are interested in making profit off you! We wanted to know so we could help!”
“Help with what precisely?”
“Clearing your name! Slash ended the band not you; you didn’t do anything he said you did; you’ve been made out to be the bad guy for long enough! Everything suffers because of it!”
“What the hell are you talking about?! Nothing is suffering!”
“Yes it is! The band suffers! We make brilliant music and everyone dismisses it because they think you destroyed Guns! You suffer! You have to comply to this bullshit every day! And yet you do nothing to stop it!” DJ stopped, breathing heavily, chest heaving like he’d just been running, Axl remained silent, half cloaked in shadows as the moonlight streaming through the window only lit one part of the room.
I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well
“You have everything, everything you need, to stop the lie and yet you do nothing, you just let Slash walk all over you and take credit for things that he didn’t do, like trying to stand up for the band, he was practically running the band after making it so you wouldn’t speak out against him, he’s made himself look like a saint and you as the devil that he protected the world from, why do you put up with that?”
“Because I still love him, and I forgive him and I don’t wanna hurt him” Axl replied, his expression had cleared and was now calm as his body shook violently, from the cold or concealed feelings, DJ didn’t know but he wanted to find out
“Why? He clearly wants to hurt you, he’s trying to make you apologize for things you never did! He didn’t love you Axl! That much is clear!”
“Shut up” Axl hissed, closing his eyes “He loved me, I know he did” he whispered desperately, trying to block out Ashba’s words
“No he didn’t Axl, stop deluding yourself he doesn’t care about you and he never has!” DJ said angrily over Axl’s whispered repeated ‘shut ups’, shaking the singer roughly without thinking DJ snapped loudly “He never loved you”
“SHUT UP!!!” the elder screamed, reacting violently and punching the younger man.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
Axl watched; tears pouring over his pale skin as DJ hit the floor, “Oh fuck” he whimpered, sinking to the ground next to the guitarist “Oh fuck” reaching out he brushed his hand over DJ’s face gently “DJ I’m so sorry” he sobbed, pulling the unconscious man to his chest.
Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there was once was love
Now there’s only me
And the lonely
DJ groaned quietly as he came round, the first thing he noticed was the wetness on his face and the drops kept landing, where was he? Had the singer put him outside? Was it was raining?
Disorientated, he felt the floor with his fingertips, no he wasn’t outside, it felt like a laminate floor to him, quiet sobs reached his ears as each sense returned slowly, the salty liquid sliding into his mouth, with a jolt he realized they must be tears, he opened his eyes quickly and sat up before dizziness took hold and he leant against a chair leg to recollect his bearings, Axl was watching him quietly, hands steadying him, DJ turned his gaze to the singer’s face, it was dripping tears as Axl sniffed trying to stop “DJ I’m sor…” DJ held his hand up to silence him, the singer shut up instantly.
“Don’t apologize, I deserved it, I’m sorry, I know how much Slash meant to you and I shouldn’t of said he didn’t love you” he said quietly, wiping Axl’s face gently and hugging the singer as he whimpered
“You mean more” the guitarist did a double-take
“What?” he whispered, hardly daring to believe that it could be possible that Axl loved him back as much as he adored the volatile singer, with a sniffle Axl leaned away from the hug to repeat his sentiment
“You mean more to me than Slash did, I love you DJ”
DJ sucked in air like he was dying, Axl was watching him, sniffing occasionally, wiping his face and blinking back any remaining tears, silence settled stickily onto the loaded atmosphere, lowering his eyes Axl said “I’m sorry I hit you Ashba, you're probably right about Slash and... please just forget about what I said, you obviously don’t feel the same” with this Axl stood swiftly and headed for the stairs.
The guitarist remained sat on the floor for a moment as Axl’s words sank in, hurrying from his place on the floor DJ sprinted up the stairs before stopping as he realized he didn’t know which was Axl’s room, opening each door quickly and glancing inside until he found the singer’s room, Axl was in his en-suite, DJ hesitated before entering the bedroom and walking to the bathroom door. Peering through the crack in the door and the doorframe, DJ saw Axl place something on his windowsill and lean on the sink with one hand, stealing a glance at the singer to ensure he wasn’t about to leave, he focused on the object, with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach DJ saw it was an old fashioned razor, the type barbers such as Sweeny Todd (to name the only one he could think of) may have used.
With a small gasp, DJ noticed the blood smeared on the silver of the tile and the red of the metal blade, pulling the door open, he stepped in and shut the door before standing in front of it to restrict the possibility of escape “What have you done?” He asked tears in his voice and eyes as Axl just answered
“Leave me alone DJ”
“What have you done? Why did you do that?” Axl turned at last to face the younger man
“It gets too much and this is how I deal with it” DJ shook his head slowly and grabbed Axl’s wrist, the singer hissed slightly as one of his nails bit into a cut, three horizontal lines marked the soft skin with an older barely healed vertical line ran behind them from Axl’s wrist. Staying silent, he raised his eyes to the singer’s face, his cheeks were streaked with tears again but the hopelessness in Axl’s eyes made the younger want to cry, protect the other and remove that look for it to never to return.
“Where’d you keep your bandages?”
“I don…”
“Where’d you keep them?” DJ interrupted firmly, he had to be strong, for both of them, Axl’s shoulders slumped as he pointed to a cabinet on the opposite side of the wall, pushing the singer to sit on the edge of the bath, DJ retrieved what he needed before returning to the singer’s side to clean his wounds and bandage his wrist gently. “Come on” he murmured softly putting the unused items back and taking Axl over to his bed, the singer climbed in with no arguments but looked highly confused when DJ kicked off his trainers and pulled his t-shirt off before climbing in behind him.
Wrapping his arms around Axl’s waist the younger whispered softly “Please don’t ever do that again”
“I’ll try… for you” Axl replied, turning in DJ’s arms to face his band-mate
“Axl, I love you” hope lit up the singer’s grey flecked emeralds as he gazed at the shorter man next to him
“Really?” his voice was that of a desperate broken man’s, clinging to his last chance of salvation, in answer DJ leaned in and kissed the singer passionately, trying to convey all of his feelings into that kiss, all of his longing over the last two years, all of his hope for the future, his adoration of the man in his arms. Pulling away DJ rested his forehead against Axl’s and responded softly
“Really” the singer breathed out a dreamy sigh as he pressed himself closer to the guitarist, his guitarist. A small genuine smile curved Axl’s lips and he allowed sleep to take control, the day’s emotional turmoil having of wore him down. DJ remained awake for a while longer, watching the elder sleep and turning the evening’s events over in his mind, a smile lit his face as he thought of the future he could have with Axl, the elder’s arms tightened briefly around him as he cuddled closer to his love and closed his eyes.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
Crying off my face again
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed
Axl sighed as he shut the front door and re-entered the front room, paper cups adorned every surface and the ashtrays were full, “You wanna a hand?” a voice offered, Axl jumped in shock, his head whipped around to see DJ leaning against the doorframe, he visibly relaxed as the guitarist stepped into the room
“I thought you’d gone home” Axl said, turning back to the room and started to clear by sweeping stuff into rubbish bags
“Nah, I figured I’d stay and see how you are” DJ answered, the singer frowned, pausing in his movements
“What’d you mean?” he asked warily, DJ sighed, walking up to Axl and placing his hands on either side of the elder man’s face, forcing the other to look at him and accept he wasn’t a threat
“Ax, relax I’m not here to hurt you or upset you, I just know Christmas isn’t an easy time for you” he explained as Axl pulled away from him
“That’s sweet DJ but I’m okay” he said, resuming the task at hand, wishing the guitarist would just leave or shut up already, he enjoyed DJ’s company but not when he was trying to talk about things Axl didn’t care for, or rather didn’t want to care for anymore.
“No you’re not, you miss them, and it’s obvious Axl” DJ said softly, hoping the other wouldn’t react badly, “I don’t know why you miss them, from what Duff was saying, they behaved like dicks” Axl stopped again, keeping his back to the younger, Axl murmured
“They were” turning back to DJ he asked “You wanna stay?” DJ looked taken aback for a moment before saying
“Sure” Axl nodded, a small smile sent to the other, DJ returned it, knowing it was faked
“Help yourself to a bedroom, I’m just gonna clear up then I’m going to bed” DJ nodded, making his way to the stairs slowly.
I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well
“Axl?”
“Yeh?”
“Why do you miss them?”
“Are you gonna leave that subject alone?” Axl snapped then immediately regretted it as hurt flashed in DJ’s eyes briefly before he steeled himself and answered
“No I’m not” Axl glared at him before giving in and saying
“They meant a lot to me and I had some of the best years of my life with them, they hurt me and I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have, it’s not missing them, its regret”
“Axl, you barely have anything to regret, you were in love with Slash and he betrayed you, left your band for a woman, destroying it all in the process and then blamed it on you and Duff went along with it, despite knowing what had actually happened yeh you said things that perhaps you shouldn’t, but they deserved it” DJ said, then bit his lip realizing he’d said too much.
“Ashba, how do you know so much?” Axl asked suspiciously, panic beginning to claw at his nerves as DJ looked away from his burning gaze guiltily
“We found the Use Your Illusions videos” he mumbled avoiding looking at the singer,
“What!”
“It was a complete accident! We were just browsing the companies’ files and we found them, we’d already started watching before we realized what they were! I’m sorry!” DJ said quickly, Axl looked away trying to calm down but words burst forth before his mind had time to catch them
“Can you lot not leave things alone! I didn’t want you to watch them! For fucks sake! Can I not trust you!” DJ remained silent; Axl waited, almost as if he wanted an answer before asking “Why the fuck did you keep watching?” again silence met his words “Give me an answer!” he demanded crossing the room to stand close to the younger man.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
“We wanted to know what had happened” DJ answered quietly “People don’t just decide to stop talking to someone who was clearly important to them” Axl looked away from DJ’s guilty face, again trying to pull himself together before he ended up hurting someone else he loved.
“Why didn’t you ask?” he said quietly, anger restrained in his tone
“You wouldn’t tell us, we’d asked since I arrived and the guys said they’d been asking since they signed up with you and most of them are approaching or have already been here longer than a decade, you wouldn’t tell us, Dizzy wouldn’t tell us he said it wasn’t our right to know” DJ explained, almost wishing he’d never bothered with this now, he was seeing a side of Axl which he didn’t like.
Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me till I fall asleep
“Dizzy was right, it isn’t any of your concern what happened with me and my old band, and if you needed to know I would have told you” Axl snapped
“Why wouldn’t you tell us?” the guitarist asked softly
“What so you could go to the press about knowing what ended Guns n Roses? So that you could boast to people that you had the inside story, the exclusive? I’m not a fucking thing you can exploit! Though you will! All of you fucking will!”
“Axl no we won’t! None of us are interested in making profit off you! We wanted to know so we could help!”
“Help with what precisely?”
“Clearing your name! Slash ended the band not you; you didn’t do anything he said you did; you’ve been made out to be the bad guy for long enough! Everything suffers because of it!”
“What the hell are you talking about?! Nothing is suffering!”
“Yes it is! The band suffers! We make brilliant music and everyone dismisses it because they think you destroyed Guns! You suffer! You have to comply to this bullshit every day! And yet you do nothing to stop it!” DJ stopped, breathing heavily, chest heaving like he’d just been running, Axl remained silent, half cloaked in shadows as the moonlight streaming through the window only lit one part of the room.
I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most
I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well
“You have everything, everything you need, to stop the lie and yet you do nothing, you just let Slash walk all over you and take credit for things that he didn’t do, like trying to stand up for the band, he was practically running the band after making it so you wouldn’t speak out against him, he’s made himself look like a saint and you as the devil that he protected the world from, why do you put up with that?”
“Because I still love him, and I forgive him and I don’t wanna hurt him” Axl replied, his expression had cleared and was now calm as his body shook violently, from the cold or concealed feelings, DJ didn’t know but he wanted to find out
“Why? He clearly wants to hurt you, he’s trying to make you apologize for things you never did! He didn’t love you Axl! That much is clear!”
“Shut up” Axl hissed, closing his eyes “He loved me, I know he did” he whispered desperately, trying to block out Ashba’s words
“No he didn’t Axl, stop deluding yourself he doesn’t care about you and he never has!” DJ said angrily over Axl’s whispered repeated ‘shut ups’, shaking the singer roughly without thinking DJ snapped loudly “He never loved you”
“SHUT UP!!!” the elder screamed, reacting violently and punching the younger man.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
Axl watched; tears pouring over his pale skin as DJ hit the floor, “Oh fuck” he whimpered, sinking to the ground next to the guitarist “Oh fuck” reaching out he brushed his hand over DJ’s face gently “DJ I’m so sorry” he sobbed, pulling the unconscious man to his chest.
Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there was once was love
Now there’s only me
And the lonely
DJ groaned quietly as he came round, the first thing he noticed was the wetness on his face and the drops kept landing, where was he? Had the singer put him outside? Was it was raining?
Disorientated, he felt the floor with his fingertips, no he wasn’t outside, it felt like a laminate floor to him, quiet sobs reached his ears as each sense returned slowly, the salty liquid sliding into his mouth, with a jolt he realized they must be tears, he opened his eyes quickly and sat up before dizziness took hold and he leant against a chair leg to recollect his bearings, Axl was watching him quietly, hands steadying him, DJ turned his gaze to the singer’s face, it was dripping tears as Axl sniffed trying to stop “DJ I’m sor…” DJ held his hand up to silence him, the singer shut up instantly.
“Don’t apologize, I deserved it, I’m sorry, I know how much Slash meant to you and I shouldn’t of said he didn’t love you” he said quietly, wiping Axl’s face gently and hugging the singer as he whimpered
“You mean more” the guitarist did a double-take
“What?” he whispered, hardly daring to believe that it could be possible that Axl loved him back as much as he adored the volatile singer, with a sniffle Axl leaned away from the hug to repeat his sentiment
“You mean more to me than Slash did, I love you DJ”
DJ sucked in air like he was dying, Axl was watching him, sniffing occasionally, wiping his face and blinking back any remaining tears, silence settled stickily onto the loaded atmosphere, lowering his eyes Axl said “I’m sorry I hit you Ashba, you're probably right about Slash and... please just forget about what I said, you obviously don’t feel the same” with this Axl stood swiftly and headed for the stairs.
The guitarist remained sat on the floor for a moment as Axl’s words sank in, hurrying from his place on the floor DJ sprinted up the stairs before stopping as he realized he didn’t know which was Axl’s room, opening each door quickly and glancing inside until he found the singer’s room, Axl was in his en-suite, DJ hesitated before entering the bedroom and walking to the bathroom door. Peering through the crack in the door and the doorframe, DJ saw Axl place something on his windowsill and lean on the sink with one hand, stealing a glance at the singer to ensure he wasn’t about to leave, he focused on the object, with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach DJ saw it was an old fashioned razor, the type barbers such as Sweeny Todd (to name the only one he could think of) may have used.
With a small gasp, DJ noticed the blood smeared on the silver of the tile and the red of the metal blade, pulling the door open, he stepped in and shut the door before standing in front of it to restrict the possibility of escape “What have you done?” He asked tears in his voice and eyes as Axl just answered
“Leave me alone DJ”
“What have you done? Why did you do that?” Axl turned at last to face the younger man
“It gets too much and this is how I deal with it” DJ shook his head slowly and grabbed Axl’s wrist, the singer hissed slightly as one of his nails bit into a cut, three horizontal lines marked the soft skin with an older barely healed vertical line ran behind them from Axl’s wrist. Staying silent, he raised his eyes to the singer’s face, his cheeks were streaked with tears again but the hopelessness in Axl’s eyes made the younger want to cry, protect the other and remove that look for it to never to return.
“Where’d you keep your bandages?”
“I don…”
“Where’d you keep them?” DJ interrupted firmly, he had to be strong, for both of them, Axl’s shoulders slumped as he pointed to a cabinet on the opposite side of the wall, pushing the singer to sit on the edge of the bath, DJ retrieved what he needed before returning to the singer’s side to clean his wounds and bandage his wrist gently. “Come on” he murmured softly putting the unused items back and taking Axl over to his bed, the singer climbed in with no arguments but looked highly confused when DJ kicked off his trainers and pulled his t-shirt off before climbing in behind him.
Wrapping his arms around Axl’s waist the younger whispered softly “Please don’t ever do that again”
“I’ll try… for you” Axl replied, turning in DJ’s arms to face his band-mate
“Axl, I love you” hope lit up the singer’s grey flecked emeralds as he gazed at the shorter man next to him
“Really?” his voice was that of a desperate broken man’s, clinging to his last chance of salvation, in answer DJ leaned in and kissed the singer passionately, trying to convey all of his feelings into that kiss, all of his longing over the last two years, all of his hope for the future, his adoration of the man in his arms. Pulling away DJ rested his forehead against Axl’s and responded softly
“Really” the singer breathed out a dreamy sigh as he pressed himself closer to the guitarist, his guitarist. A small genuine smile curved Axl’s lips and he allowed sleep to take control, the day’s emotional turmoil having of wore him down. DJ remained awake for a while longer, watching the elder sleep and turning the evening’s events over in his mind, a smile lit his face as he thought of the future he could have with Axl, the elder’s arms tightened briefly around him as he cuddled closer to his love and closed his eyes.
Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again
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