Mikey is in love with Ray.
I snuggle my stuffed unicorn sleepily in my bunk, listening to the boys moving around. Frank and Gerard are talking loudly, their voices muffled by cereal. Cereal, that they woke me up with by pouring it loudly into two bowls. And Ray is still in his bunk, I’m guessing. Probably sound asleep. Wearing nothing but his boxers. I bite my lip and squeeze the unicorn tighter. No bad thoughts. Not this early. I hear Ray begin to stir in his bunk. Oh how I’d love to climb in with him and just cuddle! Suddenly my bunk curtain opens a bit.
“Hey Mikes.” He yawns “These loud FUCKERS wake you too?”
I giggle and nod “Of course they did.”
He chuckles “Cute.”
I blush “What?”
“You snuggling the unicorn.” he grins.
He smiles “It really is, yanno? Anyways I’m gonna go eat something for breakfast. We’ve got a busy day. Want something?”
“Erm... could you make me a couple pieces of toast since...”
“You’re banned from all toasters.” he finishes with a grin “Yeah, no problem. Want anything on the toast?”
“Erm... I can do that-”
“I know you’re capable, Mikes. That doesn’t answer my question. Do you. Want anything. On your. Toast?”
I giggle, “Fine, Peanut butter and jelly.”
He nods and smiles before disappearing.
He’s making me toast. Why am I so touched by this simple gesture of friendship? Because I’m getting my hopes up. How stupid of me.
I’ve thought about telling him. Honest, I have. But I’m as spineless as an invertebrate. I wish I wa brave, like my brother. He kisses his boyfriend on stage, in front of millions! And I can’t even tell one boy how I feel. Because he isn’t just ‘some boy’. He’s my best friend. And fuck, he’s perfection. He’s nice, good looking, an amazing guitarist, brave. He’s everything I’m not. He’s everything I want and everything I need. But I can’t have him. Because I’m nothing. Pathetic Mikey Way doesn’t deserve anyone amazing like Ray. Hell, I’d be lucky if anyone wanted this shy bassist. My brother’s shadow is big enough for me to hide in and I do it willingly. I’m nothing special, why bother trying? The curtain opens again.
“Let’s go to the back, yeah?” He smiles, holding a plate with two toast sandwiches.
I smile and nod, before hopping down from my bunk.
He chuckles “Nice.”
I look at him confused, before realizing I’m only wearing a shirt and boxers. I blush deeply and grab a pair of skinny jeans, quickly pulling them onto my tiny waist. He laughs again and leads me to the back room where we sit on the bed. He puts the plate between us and smiles.
“I made me one too. It sounded really good.” he smiles and picks up his sandwhich “You like more peanut butter than jelly, right?”
I nod “I-yeah-how’d you know?”
He shrugs and takes a bite of his sandwich.
I nibble at “So why here instead of the table?”
“They’re making out in there.”
I scrunch my nose.
“Exactly. I see enough of that on stage. Not that I’m against it or anything...whatever makes them happy.” He takes another bite.
“Yeah it’d be awkward if any of us were homophobic.”
He grins “You’d be contradicting yourself a bit-”
“SHH!” I hit his shoulder “That is top secret and if you tell a soul I will rip out your lungs, through a hole punched through your esophagus.”
He chuckles “I know, I know. Your sexuality is safe with me.”
I blush deeply, and he does too.
“I...I didn’t mean it like-”
“Sure we all know you want me.”
“What? I-who said that? They lied!”
I look down, hurt slightly “I was only joking.”
“Er sorry....” He finishes his sandwich.
I bite my lip as my eyes water.
You can’t let him know. You can’t crack. Be strong.
“Yeah?” my voice cracks, thick with tears.
He tilts my head up to see tears falling from my eyes “Oh Mikey... I upset you.”
I sniffle and shake my head “M-My f-fault.”
He shakes his head “No. Mikes I didn’t mean to snap at you...”
“It isn’t that.”
“I was only joking... I know you’d never want me.” more tears fall.
NO! WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM!?
“I wish you did. In my dreams you do.” I give him a pathetic excuse for a smile “Why’d I have to love some so amazing, who’d never want me?”
His eyes widen “M-Mikey?”
I sniffle and stand up to leave the room, and hide in my bunk.
A pair of arms catch me around the waist. He turns me to face him and gently kisses my lips. I freeze in shock, before finally kissing back. I wrap my arms around his neck as he deepens the kiss.
“MIKEY AND RAY SITTING IN A TREE K I S S I N G!” I hear Gerard and Frank, giggling and singing loudly, but I just keep kissing him.