Categories > Original > Humor
Carnivals Aren't Necessarily the Best Places to Go When Bored
1 reviewRyan and Monica go to the carnival. It is really twisted humor, just a warning.
1Funny
I sat upside-down on the couch in my basement next to Ryan, bored. My mom wasn’t home for the day, she had to work or something, I don’t know. Ryan couldn’t decide on a channel to watch. I leaned over onto his shoulder, “I’m bored.” I know I sounded whiny but today was just so boring. Ryan ignored me and continued channel surfing. I shook his shoulder and whined again, “Let’s do something!”
Ryan looked at me like he was about to throw the remote at my head, “Will you stop whining? We are doing something.”
“I meant something fun,” I said.
Ryan sighed, “We could go to Krispy Kreme?”
“No, doughnuts are gross.”
“We could see a movie?”
“There aren’t any good movies out.”
“We could go to the park?”
“I’m too lazy,”
He laughed, “We could feed hobos.”
“That’s your idea of fun?”
“We could bake a cake?”
“Do we even have any cake mix?” It was obvious that Ryan was running out of ideas.
“We could go to a carnival?”
I sat up, “A carnival?”
“Yes, a carnival. Like with rides and junk.”
I furrowed my brows, “Is there even a carnival around here?”
“I don’t know.”
I rolled off the couch and onto the floor, “To the interwebs!” I ran up the stairs to my computer, Ryan trailing behind. We found the directions to the closest carnival and began our journey.
Unfortunately the closest carnival was an hour and a half away. We got into Ryan’s old, beat up, bright green jeep and we were on our way. I turned on the radio and the song, “Candy Man” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory immediately began playing. Ryan blushed and hit every button on his dashboard trying to eject the CD. It wouldn’t come out and Ryan began working furiously to get the CD player to relinquish its hold. When he finally realized that the CD just wasn’t going to come out, he tried to turn the music off but it didn’t work. The song kept playing, Ryan tried to turn down the volume but that didn’t work either.
At that point I was laughing hysterically, “I think you broke it Ry,” I said through giggles. He blushed and just let the song play.
The song finally ended and Ryan looked relieved, until it started up again. He looked horrified, and began pressing buttons at random, none of them actually doing anything. I laughed even louder at his attempts.
“Shut it, Monica!” he shouted.
I stifled my giggles and faced forward. We were both quiet for a few minutes, only the song playing in the background.
“I want some candy now,” I whined.
Ryan laughed at me, “Chill, we’ll be at the carnival soon and you can get candy there.”
“Can’t we stop at a gas station?”
“Monica, we literally just got on the road. Can’t you just wait?”
“Please,” I whined again.
“Oh my God you whine a lot,” He switched lanes and turned at the nearest gas station. “Come on,” he sounded angry.
I ran into the gross gas station and began searching the candy aisle. I grabbed a plethora of candies, paid, and went back to the car. Ryan was still inside so I ripped open a bag of Jolly Ranchers and began devouring them. He finally came out and we were on our way again until we heard a loud thump. Ryan stopped the car and we looked at each other. We both got out and checked under the car to see a little cat lying there; it wasn’t moving or making any sounds. Ryan and I immediately hopped back in the car and sped off.
“Did we—“
“Yep.”
“So the cat…?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Oh God, that poor little kitty,” I shouted. Ryan just laughed at me. “How can you be laughing at that? We just killed a cat!”
“Well look at it this way,” Ryan said, “we didn’t run over a person.” I stopped talking and ate my candy.
The rest of the drive seemed to go by quickly because before I knew it, we were at the carnival. I hopped out of the car and started running around in circles.
“We should not have stopped for the candy,” Ryan said.
I started jumping up and down, full of energy. I sprinted to the ticket booth, Ryan running to keep up with me. After paying for our tickets we ran inside, the carnival was not what I was expecting it to be.
When I envisioned a carnival I thought of rides, clowns, elephants, and fun things. This carnival was gross; the ground was covered with food. Food everywhere. Not fresh food, but food that had been there for days, possibly even months. The food had been crushed to the point where I couldn’t even tell what it was anymore. The few rides that were there looked really rickety and not very safe.
Ryan and I walked around for a little while, looking at everything. I didn’t trust any of the rides or the workers there. It scared me a little. Ryan noticed something and grabbed my arm dragging me with him.
“Ryan, where are we going? What ride? These rides look scary! DON’T MAKE ME GO ON IT,” I screamed.
Ryan laughed and continued to drag me, “Relax Monica, it’s only bumper cars.”
“Oh,” I reluctantly walked with him to the line and we waited.
We finally got to the front of the line and got into our own little bumper car, Ryan steered. He was going really fast and we weren’t paying attention to anything. I had my eyes closed, laughing. The whole time I felt us bumping into the other cars making me laugh even more. I opened my eyes and noticed that there was a kid getting out of his car, in the middle of the ride! We were headed straight for him, but Ryan wasn’t looking. He had his eyes closed as well. I grabbed the steering wheel to turn in time but we were going too fast and hit the boy.
He fell onto the ground crying and we zoomed right past him. Ryan stared at me, “What?”
“We just hit a kid!”
Ryan looked back at the little boy lying on the ground. One of the workers had turned the cars off and people were crowding around. Ryan looked back at me, “Run!”
He hopped out of the car and I followed quickly behind. We ran to the exit without looking behind us.
There was a shout behind us, “Stop!”
We looked back to see a very large balding man running after us. He looked like he could rip the two of us apart with his bare hands. We sped up and kept running, “I said stop!” The man shouted again.
I looked at Ryan, “Is that the kid’s dad?”
“How should I know?” We kept running until we saw the exit sign. I looked back to see the man had stopped to take a breath. He was bent over with his hands on his knees. His face was red with anger.
Ryan and I ran to his car and hopped in speeding away once again.
Once on the highway I turned to him, “We are never going to the carnival again.”
Ryan looked at me like he was about to throw the remote at my head, “Will you stop whining? We are doing something.”
“I meant something fun,” I said.
Ryan sighed, “We could go to Krispy Kreme?”
“No, doughnuts are gross.”
“We could see a movie?”
“There aren’t any good movies out.”
“We could go to the park?”
“I’m too lazy,”
He laughed, “We could feed hobos.”
“That’s your idea of fun?”
“We could bake a cake?”
“Do we even have any cake mix?” It was obvious that Ryan was running out of ideas.
“We could go to a carnival?”
I sat up, “A carnival?”
“Yes, a carnival. Like with rides and junk.”
I furrowed my brows, “Is there even a carnival around here?”
“I don’t know.”
I rolled off the couch and onto the floor, “To the interwebs!” I ran up the stairs to my computer, Ryan trailing behind. We found the directions to the closest carnival and began our journey.
Unfortunately the closest carnival was an hour and a half away. We got into Ryan’s old, beat up, bright green jeep and we were on our way. I turned on the radio and the song, “Candy Man” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory immediately began playing. Ryan blushed and hit every button on his dashboard trying to eject the CD. It wouldn’t come out and Ryan began working furiously to get the CD player to relinquish its hold. When he finally realized that the CD just wasn’t going to come out, he tried to turn the music off but it didn’t work. The song kept playing, Ryan tried to turn down the volume but that didn’t work either.
At that point I was laughing hysterically, “I think you broke it Ry,” I said through giggles. He blushed and just let the song play.
The song finally ended and Ryan looked relieved, until it started up again. He looked horrified, and began pressing buttons at random, none of them actually doing anything. I laughed even louder at his attempts.
“Shut it, Monica!” he shouted.
I stifled my giggles and faced forward. We were both quiet for a few minutes, only the song playing in the background.
“I want some candy now,” I whined.
Ryan laughed at me, “Chill, we’ll be at the carnival soon and you can get candy there.”
“Can’t we stop at a gas station?”
“Monica, we literally just got on the road. Can’t you just wait?”
“Please,” I whined again.
“Oh my God you whine a lot,” He switched lanes and turned at the nearest gas station. “Come on,” he sounded angry.
I ran into the gross gas station and began searching the candy aisle. I grabbed a plethora of candies, paid, and went back to the car. Ryan was still inside so I ripped open a bag of Jolly Ranchers and began devouring them. He finally came out and we were on our way again until we heard a loud thump. Ryan stopped the car and we looked at each other. We both got out and checked under the car to see a little cat lying there; it wasn’t moving or making any sounds. Ryan and I immediately hopped back in the car and sped off.
“Did we—“
“Yep.”
“So the cat…?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Oh God, that poor little kitty,” I shouted. Ryan just laughed at me. “How can you be laughing at that? We just killed a cat!”
“Well look at it this way,” Ryan said, “we didn’t run over a person.” I stopped talking and ate my candy.
The rest of the drive seemed to go by quickly because before I knew it, we were at the carnival. I hopped out of the car and started running around in circles.
“We should not have stopped for the candy,” Ryan said.
I started jumping up and down, full of energy. I sprinted to the ticket booth, Ryan running to keep up with me. After paying for our tickets we ran inside, the carnival was not what I was expecting it to be.
When I envisioned a carnival I thought of rides, clowns, elephants, and fun things. This carnival was gross; the ground was covered with food. Food everywhere. Not fresh food, but food that had been there for days, possibly even months. The food had been crushed to the point where I couldn’t even tell what it was anymore. The few rides that were there looked really rickety and not very safe.
Ryan and I walked around for a little while, looking at everything. I didn’t trust any of the rides or the workers there. It scared me a little. Ryan noticed something and grabbed my arm dragging me with him.
“Ryan, where are we going? What ride? These rides look scary! DON’T MAKE ME GO ON IT,” I screamed.
Ryan laughed and continued to drag me, “Relax Monica, it’s only bumper cars.”
“Oh,” I reluctantly walked with him to the line and we waited.
We finally got to the front of the line and got into our own little bumper car, Ryan steered. He was going really fast and we weren’t paying attention to anything. I had my eyes closed, laughing. The whole time I felt us bumping into the other cars making me laugh even more. I opened my eyes and noticed that there was a kid getting out of his car, in the middle of the ride! We were headed straight for him, but Ryan wasn’t looking. He had his eyes closed as well. I grabbed the steering wheel to turn in time but we were going too fast and hit the boy.
He fell onto the ground crying and we zoomed right past him. Ryan stared at me, “What?”
“We just hit a kid!”
Ryan looked back at the little boy lying on the ground. One of the workers had turned the cars off and people were crowding around. Ryan looked back at me, “Run!”
He hopped out of the car and I followed quickly behind. We ran to the exit without looking behind us.
There was a shout behind us, “Stop!”
We looked back to see a very large balding man running after us. He looked like he could rip the two of us apart with his bare hands. We sped up and kept running, “I said stop!” The man shouted again.
I looked at Ryan, “Is that the kid’s dad?”
“How should I know?” We kept running until we saw the exit sign. I looked back to see the man had stopped to take a breath. He was bent over with his hands on his knees. His face was red with anger.
Ryan and I ran to his car and hopped in speeding away once again.
Once on the highway I turned to him, “We are never going to the carnival again.”
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