*FRIKEY*Mikey feels likehe's crumbling away. The feeling of misery is too known for him and his life, but when the new kid is Gerard's bio partner Mikey feels a spark of hope again.
My older brother always told me that life isn't easy, nor will it ever, and expecting it to be will only make it that much harder. He told me that what fucks us up the most in life is that image we have in our minds of how everything should be.
So basically, life isn't perfect. And it's like no one knows that better than me.
The taste of blood was now starting to fade from my tounge. My head still throbbed painfully and I'm pretty sure I have a black eye, possibly a broken nose and cracked rib.
I usually wait for my brother, Gerard to walk home with me, but he didn't show at the gate today like we do everyday. It was in this short space of time where I was alone when Jacob found me. I'd been waiting outside the school's gates for just over an hour for Gerard. I guess he went to Bob's house and just forgot to mention it to me. It's kind of good in a way, now he doesn't have to see me in the state I'm in.
But it's like Jacob can't control himself. He's some kind of freak sadistic animal with a small enough mind to find humor in other's misery. It's like people like Jacob see me with a giant target printed across my chest that no matter how hard I try to be invisable, stands out from the crowd.
I can't stand the look in Gerard's eyes when he sees me after school. Jacob does it nearly everyday, I guess as sad as it sounds, you could say I'm used to it.
Gerard never lets it go like I do. He doesn't understand that it's something that he cannot control, and that he can't protect me all the time.
He always makes a fuss about it. Saying soothing words while he cleans the blood from my face in the school bathroom, never letting me leave his sight for an hour or two..
Which is why I'm slightly surprised that he isn't here. He usually rushes out of class to meet me, to make sure I'm okay. He says it's his duty as the older brother, I know that he thinks that I can't stand on my own feet. Even I know that. I'm weak, I'm frail and I'm a coward. And I hate every moment of it.
The swallowing feeling of living in the depths of your own shadow, never opening up to anyone in fear of how you look through their eyes.
I decide to walk home alone. I securely wrap my hoodie around my slim shoulders feeling the rain begin to fall and slip down my neck, licking the already cold skin.
I shudder as I stumble through the empty sidewalk, keeping my head low and hiding behind my curtain of straight mousey brown hair which gentally brushed over my glasses, tickling my nose. The rain plastered the rain to my icy face, I kind of thought this weather was reflecting my mood, like the heavens were mocking me.
The house was empty when I got there. Gerard and I live with our Mom, our dad left when i was a baby, no one really talks about him and there isn't a single photograph of him in the house. I've spent many afternoons trying to uncover anything about him, anything at all. Nothing.. I guess some memories are too painful. Mom's barely home, she has to juggle two jobs. So it's usually just Gerard and I, I like it that way. Gerard is my best friend, I couldn't ask for a better brother.
I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. A trail of dried blood ran from my nose and down my chin. I shakily brought a dampened cloth and began smudging the stains off my pale skin, feeling my lip quiver as I did so, but I refused to let the tears spill, nothing can be changed by crying.
The front door slammed shut, I quickly spun around and walked into the hall to see Gerard kicking his shoes off, he was saturated.
"Mikes!" He glanced up at me smiling.
"Hey Gee." I smile too
Gerard frowned, "Are you okay?"
I nod. He narrows his bright hazel eyes on me.
That's the thing with Gerard, you can never lie to him, no matter how deceptive you think you may be, he can read you.
He briskly walks closer to me, the hall light dimly reflecting his pale skin.
Gerard studied me for a short second before groaning loudly.
"Was it Jacob" He asked, frustration and hate dripping from his words.
I nod once, converting my eyes to my laces.
"Fuck, Mikey." He grasped my jaw in his hand, forcing me to look up at him while he inspects the damage. He sighs again, the smell of cigarettes tracing in his scent, turning my face to look at every angle of my face.
"Fuck him." He spits. "I'm sorry Mikey."
"It's not like you did it." I mumble, shrugging out of his grasp.
"It is, really. If I hadn't had dentention then I could have pretected you."
"Yeah, well you can't always be there Gerard." I say a litte more sourly than I meant to.
Gee frowns, running his fingers through his scruffy jet black hair, only making it flop casually over his eyes again.
Gerard doesn't drop eyecontact, I can see the concern behind his eyes.
"You don't need to worry about me, Gee." I say quietly.
"Stop giving me reasons to then," He said, a small smile playing across his lips.
I smile "So, why'd you have detention?"
"I met a new kid in my class, we were both smart to the teacher and spent time bonding in the detention room" He said casually, slipping his leather jacket off his shoulders.
I nod, not really feeling surprised that Gerard was an ass to the teacher.
"His name is Frank, he's coming over tonight with Bob and Ray so you can meet him then."
"First impressions aren't really my thing." I pout.
Gerard chuckled "Well first impressions are almost always entirely wrong, anyway. Don't sweat it, Mikes."
"Frank's cool, you'd like him" He smiled warmly.
Giving him a weak smile.
"You'll be fine, Mikey." He puts his hand on my shoulder, giving it a short, reassuring squeeze and an encouraging grin which I can't find the strenghth to return.
I lay on my bed, flicking through my ipod, listening to the familiar sounds which erupted from the headphones and into my head. I didn't even hear the door slam open.
"MIKEY!" I felt someone smack me at the back of my head, making me jump.
"Fuck! I turn to see Bob standing beside my bed, smiling.
"Fuck you Bob, you scared the shit out of me!"
"Gerard wanted me to come get you, we're watching a movie and the pizza will be here soon."
"Why didn't he come down, it would have been a lot nicer, Gerard isn't one to be violent, like some people" I narrow my eyes on Bob's crystal blue ones, his blonde hair covering the majority of his eyes.
Bob chuckled. "I tried to be nice, you just couldn't hear me." I poked my tounge out at him. "But Gerard's just helping Frank with his bags and shit."
"Oh right, Gee told me about Frank."
Bob cocked his head to a side, making his sliver lip ring glint in the artificail light of my room, "You don't sound very enthusiactic."
"Have you even met Frank yet?" He asked.
He smiled, "You're in for a treat then."
"Should I be scared?"
I gasp dramatically.
Bob chuckles, "Come on dude" gestured Bob, leading me from my room.
We walk into the lounge where Ray is sprawled out on one of the couches.
"Mikey!" He smiles when he sees me, but still doesn't move.
I shake my head disapprovingly and settle for the floor, my back resting against the couch.
I hear Gee walking through the door, talking to Frank I suppose. I nervously bite my lip, I've never really been good with this sort of thing, I become really awkward and clumsy and make a dick of myself in general.. The only people I'm really comfortable with are Gerard, Ray and Bob, but that's because A. Gerard's my brother, of course I'm used to him and know him more than the back of my hand and B. I've known Bob and Ray for a good 5 years, and it's taken that long to actually open up to them.
I hear someone giggle. Like actually full on giggle. Like a girl. I spin around to see the boy talking to Gee. He comes up to about Gerard's nose, he had scruffy dark black hair which is played with to give off a look of a careless rockstar, He wore tight, tight black skinny jeans which clung to every inch of his legs, and a plain white tshirt which stuck to his chest due to the rain, he had scuffed black converse shoes and his lightly tanned skin empasized his dazzling honey hazel eyes, rimmed with red eyeliner.
His smile stretched across his face, showing all his perfect teeth, forcing my stomach to to a double back flip.
He was just so.. so... pretty.
Fuck! did I just call the guy pretty? Fuck! I've been staring at him in silence for too long now! I feel my insides squeem as I hastily look away, pretending that I hadn't even noticed him.
"Mikey!" Gerard called, kicking me softly in the leg.
"Whaa?" I intelligently say.
"I said this is Frank." He said, an amused but slightly confused smile on his lips.
"Oh." I look back over to Frank who's smiling politely at me. I wish that the floor would swallow me.. Or Ray's fro'.. That seems to have more potential to swallow a seventeen year old than the floor does to be honest. "H-Hey." I say, failing at sounding remotely normal.
Ray frowns at me, looking incredibly confused. But i don't take my eyes from Frank's.
I quickly scramble to my feet for no apparent reason. Frank eyes widen, seeming a little taken aback by my sudden movement.
Gerard's staring at me like I've recentally escaped the mental hospital, looking at Ray then shrugging.
I rattle my brain for something to say, everyone's watching me now stand shiftily beside the couch, I can hear Bob chuckling softly from somewhere behind me.
Frank glances almost nervously at Gerard, but still smiling before taking a step forward and extending his hand for me to shake.
But of course I stare at it blankly before suddenly realise what he's doing and grasp his hand. As cheesey as it sounds, as my shaky hand collided with his own warm one I felt the lightning cascading up and down my arm. He doesn't seem to feel it though.. He just gentally shook my hand and dropped it.
"You're Mikey, yeah?"
My name never sounded so good. His deep, almost husky voice seemed to dance through the air, making my knees weak.
I just nod, knowing that if i tried to verbalize my answer it'd be very loud, very squeaky and most likely not be any language close to english.
"That's cool." He cocked a side smile up at me and forcing me to drown in his pools of hazel.
"What the fuck are you doing, Mikey?" I hear Ray say.
I rip my eyes from Frank's to look down at Ray, who's still lying lazily on the couch.
"I.. N-Nothing!" I say defensively. "I'll be back." I quickly stumble from the lounge and into the kitchen, nervously biting at my nails.
I jump out of my skin and quickly turn around to see Bob standing behind me.
"Bob! Dude, please, stop doing that!"
He just smirked at me.
"What," I ask nervously.
"So what do you think of Frankie?"
I raise my eyebrows slightly "Ah, I don't know, he's said, like, two words to me.."
"You seemed to be in a bit of a hurry to leave" His smirk grew.
He chuckled. "Okay Mikey." He said sarcastically.
"I am!" I say defensively.
"You wanna know something that'll keep your head busy the whole night."
"..I don't think I do."
"You do." He said casually, leaning on the bench beside me, folding his arms over his chest.
He glanced towards the lounge to see if anyone was there before he flicked back to me.
My insides continuous acrobatics just picked up their speed, I wasn't entirely sure if I managed to hold a straight face.
"A-And why should I care about that?"
"Oh come on! I know you Mikey!"
"W-Wut?" I say, putting on my best look of confusion.
"Nice try, I know you're gay, you just proved yourself by acting like a schoolgirl about a minute ago."
"I'm-! N-No.. Did Gerard tell you." I hissed, glancing towards the lounge.
Bob shook his head "I asked him heaps, he always said he didn't know." He looked at my look of horror. "Come on dude, it's not like you're subtle about it, and anyway, I don't care, I'm not going to drop you as a friend or anything."
I nod slowly.
"Please, don't tell anyone and don't tell Ray. He would probably accidently announce it infront of the whole school, knowing him"
He nodded, then the room fell silent. The only noise is the muffled laughter from the lounge.
"How do you know Frank's gay?" I ask, trying to sound disinterested.
"I have an excellent gaydar."
"Gaydar? Really?" I raise my eyebrows at him. He nods proudly.
Gerard walks into the kitchen, looking a little concerned.
"What are you doing?" He asks us
"Chillin'" Says Bob, using his tounge to fiddle with his lip ring.
Gerard nods slowly, frowning. "Well we're going to start the movie, so come on."
Bob and I walk qucikly to the lounge, but Gerard grabs my arm, stopping me.
"What's wrong Mikey? Are you still thinking about the Jacob thing? Don't let him get to you-"
"I'm okay, Gee."
"You are not! You're acting strange"
"I told you, it's just.. meeting new people."
He narrowed his eyes on mine. "Well come on, you might be able to recover your's and Frank's relationship." He smirks "Just try and relax, Frank's really laid-back, and I can't think of a less threatening person. Give him a chance."
I put on a smile and nodded, feeling surprised that Gerard didn't push the matter too much and just lead me back towards the lounge.
I make sure that I don't depend on anyone that much, because if they ever leave all you are is lost.. left out in the dark. Really, even your own shadow leaves you when you go into darkness. Gerard's not like that. You can be at your highest or lowest and he'll always let you lean on his shoulder. He'll always pick you back up. It's like he's there even when he's not. And today, or any other day where I get beaten, Gerard's on my mind, It's almost like he comforts me, keeps me strong. That's the way it's always been between us.
I can't help feeling that what i think and feel about Frank would hurt Gerard.
But the worst part is that that feeling of it all being wrong makes it seem just that much more pleasing to me, and that thought makes me realize how much I am losing myself in this deep trench I'm digging.
Hey, I promise it'll get better! Actually i think i'll edit this first chapter a bit, maybe the title too.. Thanks so much for reading, please R and R if you can! Love you XO