Mikey Way has a note. Pete Wentz has Mikey Way. But only just. PIKEY one-shot. Read, review, rate and feel my love! :P
I suppose that I should probably start with some sort of introduction, that I should tell you my name and then let you pass some sort of judgement upon me with your stunningly hypercritical eyes that ache to judge yet scream to not receive the same treatment in return. Perhaps I’m over-analysing, as is often said to be the case with me, or perhaps I am just being honest and describing what I know to be true, but either way it doesn’t matter; you’ll judge me anyway. Just like I judged you that day you strolled into my American History class as though being twenty minutes late is your God-given right and that everyone should just be thankful that you showed up at all. I judged you right there and then to be a cocky bastard, but the kind of cocky bastard that has a good heart underneath. Why?
Because you smiled at me, you actually smiled at me when you saw me at the end of class blinking back tears from where one spitball had been one too many; you actually looked like you wanted to talk to me but, just as my judgement had predicted, I was below you and thus you couldn’t possibly be seen to be associated with a creep like me. Through fear of being judged yourself.
Anyhow, back to the matter at hand; my name.
I’ve been called an array of things, ranging from ‘Babe’ to ‘Faggot’, but the technically correct answer to the question of my identity is Mikey. Mikey Way’s my name, not that you’d ever care. You’re too busy soaking up the sun that a pathetic weed like me needs to live, too busy showing me that I’ll never have you because you don’t belong to anyone other than yourself.
Or at least, I think that’s what you like to tell yourself. In reality I know so much better than that; you belong to Them. To everything that you strive to go against, to everything that I hate and you pretend to adore. Why? Because They’ve changed you, They’ve wrecked everything that you once were; They have moulded you into a person that I should hate and fear in equal measure, maybe a little more fear than hate, but I just can’t. Oh, I can fear you more than enough, but hate? I could never hate you, Pete; just fear and love.
That’s right; I know your name, Pete Wentz. You might not know my name, but I know yours well enough to be able to moan it in my sleep. I didn’t even realise that I was doing it until my goddamn boyfriend asked me who ‘Pete’ was and then left me alone to my tears when I told him; you. The one person who managed to get between me and my Frankie. Or rather, the first person out of two to come between us when I thought that we were beyond watertight. The second person being my own big brother, the person who was all too happy to be that shoulder for my Frankie to cry on; the rebound fuck that Frank was oh-so-desperate for. They both despise me as much as I do. Not as much as I despise you, though.
Because you ruined everything, you made me lose the one good person that I had in my life and now I’m all alone again. I know that Gee says he cares, that he worries about me whenever I just lock myself up in my tomb of a room for hours on end, but I also know that he’s lying; if he really cared, would he keep bringing Frankie home with him like a dog who just won’t drop it’s bone? I think fucking not. So I’m all alone. But that’s okay, at least if I’m alone my actions won’t hurt anyone; at least if I’m alone then nobody will miss me when I’m gone. All alone.
All alone with nothing but thoughts of you, Pete fucking Wentz; of your floppy oil-spill of hair; of your caramel skin that I bet tastes as sweet as it looks; of your bottomless trap-like eyes that I see flicking to me all too often for me to stand; of everything about you that I’ll never have. Because, as clichéd as this might sound, someone like you would never look at someone like me in a way that is anything other than sympathetic. My own big brother even said so, said to stay away from you because it would never end well; that kids like you and kids like me never go together because, well, I’m a loser and you’re a winner. Two polar opposites in a world that’s trying it’s hardest to shove us even further apart.
So, I think that this but brief insight proves to you all that I have in my life; nothing. Nothing but bullies, a traitorous big brother and you. Someone who it hurts just to look at because I know that you’ll never look at me in the same way.
After reading this I’m sure that you’ll agree that this is for the best, that death is better than living on as nothing.
Reading over that kills me inside.
Just like I very nearly killed him, killed my Mikey; my sweet little boyfriend. To think that he could ever feel that alone, that desperate, that… without hope for a better future destroys my soul like an atomic bomb would destroy a dollhouse.
And the worst part is that everything in that motherfucking note is quite honestly how he felt, how I let him feel even though I could see how badly he was suffering at the hands of Fate’s cruel fists. His brother told me to stay away, that he’d seen me staring and that the last thing Mikey needed was someone like me fucking with his head. Did I let my arrogance drive me onwards as I always do? No.
Because I just wanted to do what was best for the beautiful boy who I honestly thought would never want to hang out with a dick like me. I listened to his big brother and just watched on from a distance. And thank fuck I did. If I hadn’t then I probably wouldn’t be here now, sat on the edge of his bed and stroking my hands through his sandy hair like I have been for the past three months; ever since I found him stood on the edge of that goddamned bridge, note next to him. I’ve barely left his side since, certainly haven’t left him out of my sight and, as much as his big brother might hate to admit it, I’ve never seen Mikes happier.
But reading over his note, as I do every night to remind me how lucky I am to have such a sweet boyfriend and how vital it is that I don’t mess up with him like I have with so many others, I can’t help but feel that I’ve failed him; that I’ll never be enough because I let him get bad enough to feel like death was the only option in the first place.
He looks so peaceful, like a porcelain angel of contentment, when he’s asleep. Especially when he’s asleep in my arms.
I flick my adoring eyes from his frail form back to the note, to that satanic rag of hopelessness that makes me realise just how close I came to losing the one thing that I never knew I loved having. If I hadn’t have found him on that bridge, if he’d jumped like I had to drag him away from doing, then I would be dead too. Dead because it was seeing his face every day that made waking up in the mornings worthwhile; his soulful eyes that pulled me onwards in the hopes that they’d one day be mine like they are now. Even though his brother hates my guts for reasons that I quite honestly don’t give a fuck about because I hate him back twice as much, our relationship is perfect. Apart from it might never have happened. Because I was too fucking stupid to see the suffering that I caused him.
At that thought I can’t help but whimper like a lost little puppy; thus causing my sleeping beauty to stir in my arms despite the fact that I know he must be exhausted due to getting beaten up earlier that day. At least I got there in time, saw who was hurting him and jumped the bastard after school no matter how much Mikes told me that he was alright. I have to protect my glass trophy, keep him safe from all of the monsters who might smash him.
That’s another thing, he still gets beaten up but at least now he doesn’t cry about it. Because now he has me to tell him that he’s better than them, to tell him that I love him no matter what anyone else thinks and that’s all that should be important to him as I’ll be all the love he’ll ever need or want. Not that that helped him at the time the note was written; at the time he needed love and support and care the most.
“Pete?” He mewls up at me, eyes clogged with sleep to make him look twice as cute as he normally does, only reminding me of how truly lucky I am to have him in my undeserving arms. “Pete, you’re not reading it again are you?” He sighs as he shuffles to be sat level with me, my note-free arm around his shoulders and his head resting softly on the welcoming cushion of my chest.
He sounds almost disappointed in me, or rather, he would do if I knew that it wasn’t himself that he’s disappointed in for bringing me down like he thinks he has. True, the note does make me feel lower than Atlantis, but that’s not his fault. It’s mine. And Gerard’s. And Frank’s.
But mostly mine and it’s fucking killing me, no matter how long ago it happened I can still see it dancing within his eyes, that very same look that he gave me when I had to force him away from the edge all of those months ago.
“I’m sorry, Sugar, I can’t help it.” I hush down to him, stroking soft patterns on his back with my free hand when I feel him sniffle against me, and guilt runs rampantly through my veins like a psycho on steroids; I honestly didn’t mean to upset him. But I can use this to show him how much I really do love him. Love my baby boyfriend. “I just can’t stand the idea of what this note would be if I hadn’t found you.”
He looks up at me with his huge, moonlike pools of omnipotent vision and fixes me with the most heartbreakingly adorable smile that I’ve ever seen. Adorable because nothing that he does could ever be any other shade of cute. Heart-breaking because even I, in all of my ignorant glory, can tell that he’s faking it. Faking it just for me.
And that’s exactly why I love him so much; I have honestly never met anyone as kind as my Mikey.
“But you did, Petey.” I grin a little at his cute nickname for me, the one that he uses whenever I need comforting even though I should be the strong one; I should be the one soothing him through life because he’s only sixteen in comparison to my eighteen, because he deserves the help that I don’t for neglecting to give it to him when he needed it the most. “You found me in so many more ways than one.”
He leans up and plants a soft kiss on my accepting lips, letting his angel-wing-like mouth flutter onto my own for a few seconds to let his words sink into the morose atmosphere in the room and infect it with his pure benevolence. When he reluctantly pulls away I can’t help but let out a little squeal of longing, one that would make me blush were I with anyone other than my sweet little boy.
He lets out one of the most heart-melting kitten-like yawns that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing and lays down next to me once more; snuggling into my side like a bunny rabbit scrambling to get into the safety of it’s warm burrow.
How could I have ever come close to losing this?
The thought quite honestly scares the living shit out of me like nothing else, not even the threat of being held back at school yet again, ever could; because my Mikey is more precious to me than anything else in this cruel world, a world that very almost cost me the one thing that makes it bearable.
“Promise me, Mikey. Promise me that you’ll never leave me.”
“I promise. You don’t have to worry about me doing… That.” I wince at how ashamed he sounds, at how he flinches even further into me as he realises exactly what I am referring to. “I love you too much to ever leave you. I thought that nobody cared when I wrote that, Pete. You gotta understand that I thought it wouldn’t hurt. Me or anyone else. I was so fucking wrong; it would have hurt me to know that I hurt you with it.”
“I love you, Mikey Way. Too much to ever even consider what it would have been like if you ha-“
“I love you too, Pete. And that’s all that matters.”
And he’s absolutely right. I mean, why dwell in the past or the future when we have the now?
A now that is filled with me being a good boyfriend to my perfect one.
To Mikey Way.
A/N: Thank you very much for reading; sorry that it kinda sucks. Originally, it was just going to be the note but I decided that I love both Pete and Mikey too much to just leave it on such a downer and so we have this collection of words that probably suck worse than a whore with the flu. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review! :)