When all you have is silence, you have to make the most of beauty. PIKEY one-shot. Read, review, rate and feel my love! :P
“You like it, Mikes?”
I grin at the skinny boy next to me, the setting sun glinting off of his glasses to create an almost halo-style affect which I find to be extremely fitting seeing as he is my angel, my Mikey Way, just like he’d call me his Pete Wentz if only he had the courage to. He should, but I know now that he never will because of what his parents put him through like two demons de-winging an angel; they used to hit him like he should never be hit, kick him like even a dog should never be kicked and, towards the end, they sexually abused him too. Tore that white sheet of innocence straight away from his shaking soul, leaving nothing but pain and anguish and silence. It only happened once, which was still a million times too many, but the rape was the thing that pushed my Mikey over the edge, that made him run to the big brother that rescued him like I’ve been trying to rescue him from himself for the past eight months.
Hence the fact that we’re sat in my crimson convertible, roof down with the salty sea breeze tickling through our hair like the soothing hand of Mother Nature. It’s our six month anniversary and Gerard, the guy who introduced me to Mikey in a last-ditch attempt to find someone that the fifteen-year-old might just talk to, told me that Mikes likes the seaside. So I drove him here, to the edge of a cliff in the middle of nowhere that has the most breathtakingly jaw-dropping view of the ocean that I’ve ever seen. In fact, the only thing that I’ve ever seen that belittles it’s beauty is the boy sat next to me, the diamond that I’ve got my arm wrapped tightly around.
I can remember a time when I couldn’t touch him at all without him going into a frantic panic at the memories of what a touch could do to him, but over the months of me talking to him and him learning to listen as opposed to just simply hearing, I thankfully earned his trust. Something that I think even Gerard struggles with from time to time. It might seem like an awful effort to go through, months of treading on eggshells and horrendous guilt whenever I managed to crack one, just to gain the trust of someone; it did take a lot of effort, obviously, but I never once questioned myself. Because Mikey has an aura of such pure benevolence and innocence about him that it makes it impossible for me not to love him, to not want him to be happy.
Mikey looks away from his view of the sun seemingly sinking to the bottom of the vast ocean, like my mind sinks to the bottom of his bottomless eyes whenever they grasp me, to fix me with that bright beam of a smile that makes me feel like the proudest boyfriend in the world; the fact that he still remembers how to smile after all that he’s been through reminding me of how lucky I am to have such a sweet little angel fall from heaven to be by my side. He nods vigorously, making his dark slick of hair flop over his face at his vehemence.
“Good.” I chuckle with the fondness of an artist beholding a masterpiece in response to his adorably childlike response, my thumb tracing small patterns on the side of his arm as he looks back out to sea once more and my mind wondering what it would be like if he actually responded with a verbal answer.
I suppose I should explain; my Mikey’s mute.
I’ve never heard the voice of the boy that I love more than a sinner loves the idea of redemption and at times it does get frustrating, not knowing what he wants me to do to make him feel better purely because he just can’t tell me what’s wrong to start with, but it’s just another part of the person who puts purpose to my pulse. He wasn’t born this way, he was turned it by the two bastards who are no more related to my angel than Satan is. Something which makes my veins swelter with fury at the thought of two grown adults hurting a kid, my kid, for no other reason than frustration. It’s a good thing that they’re in jail; if they weren’t then I probably would be. For murder.
Because I would kill them, without a second’s hesitation, for what they’ve reduced my angel to.
But I can’t dwell on that right now because, right now, Mikey is happy. Happy and calm. Everything that he always should be, everything that he only ever is when he’s with me and nobody else. Whenever he has nightmares at home, only the ones that Gerard wakes him up from because he’s screaming with the voice of a tattered soul, Gee shoves the phone to his ear because he understands, no matter much it breaks his heart to admit, that I’m the only one who can get through to Mikes when he goes into one of his panics. I don’t know why he picked me to trust out of all of the therapists and friends that Gee tried to force-feed him, but I’m so fucking glad that he did. Not least because it means that I know he has a minimum of one person he can run to.
Anyway, like I said, I can’t dwell on the sadness; if I did then I’d never feel joy. So I think that I’ll reminisce about all of the good things. Yeah, Mikes will like that; it’s perfectly romantic too, the kind of romantic that I thought I’d never be capable of before I met Mikey Way.
“Six months ago today my life changed, Michael James Way. Fuck that; it ended. It ended and started again as something so much better than it was. Kinda like dying and becoming an angel. Because of you, Sugar.” I feel him shuffle closer to me, his head snuggling sweetly into my shoulder and then my head resting on top of his like a tower of adulated love reaching for the heaven that I’m already in.
I wrap my arms tighter around his frail, scarred body and just enjoy holding him without it being for comforting purposes; not that I mind comforting him, far from it, it’s just that this kind of contact feels so much sweeter when there’s no ulterior motive. It’s kind of like the first time that I softly, like a rose petal in a summer breeze, ghosted my lips on his; perfect, sweet and leaving me feeling deprived whenever I’m not getting it. Before I can flounder on that biting thought, I press a kiss softly into his fairy-wing hair, relishing the way that he doesn’t even flinch at the intimate contact like he still did just weeks ago. He really is so brave, my flawlessly angelic little boyfriend. And I honestly couldn’t be prouder.
“You make me feel like I matter, Mikes.” I sigh, taking in the tropical scent of his hair mingling with the sensuous aroma of the salty sunset that’s fast fading into darkness. “Do remember your birthday, when I bought you your locket?” As I ask the question my hand trails slowly, so that he knows what I’m doing and can move away at any time, down the neck of his anthrax t-shirt until I can feel pendant of the precious silver trinket that I haven’t seen Mikey without since I bought it for him; it’s a locket that holds a tiny picture of the two of us on our first official date, one that Gerard insisted on snapping like a gushing mom on prom night, Mikey’s smiling shyly at the camera and I’m full out beaming with my arm around his shoulders, clearly pleased with myself for simply being Pete Wentz because Pete Wentz has Mikey Way. “You have no idea how much I stressed out over it, I very nearly tore my hair out.” He moves to capture my eyes with his so that he can convey his half of our conversation, his midnight-pool pupils widening in an over-exaggerated way to let me know that he’s shocked and wants to know why. “It’s true, I was so scared that you wouldn’t like it, that you’d think it was silly or girly or ugly. I just wanted your present to be perfect.” He looks at me with crystals gathering in his eyes, heartbreakingly disbelieving at the idea of being cared for even though I’d like to think that he does know how deeply both Gerard and I love him. “You only deserve the best, Sugar, and I just want to give you the best. Just like I’ve got the best boyfriend.”
His face turns the same enchanting crimson as the strawberry sky, both reddening beauties seemingly painted with love’s intricate brush, and he smiles so stunningly that I almost think that the sun has decided to re-rise just to see my boyfriend’s arched lips. Apart from Mikey’s smiles are far more brightening than any garish glare that the sun can give; Mikey’s smiles actually mean something, they mean trust in the fact that he’s safe and absolute contentment in a world that’s taught him itself just how cruel it can be.
He shrugs, trying to downplay what I know to be true, and points at me in his silent way of indicating that he wants to say the same thing back. To begin with the endless game of charades that a conversation with Mikey Way becomes annoyed me, but now I just see that it’s another piece of him that makes my boyfriend all the more adorably unique. Besides, if I’m patient enough he might just talk to me one day.
That’s the one thing that I wish for whenever I see a shooting star; that he’ll be happy and relaxed enough with me to grace my ears with the symphony that I’m certain his speech will one day be again.
“Nah, Sugar, I can’t be the best boyfriend. I know that I’m not because I’m the luckiest one instead.” I smirk down at him from where he’s resting his head on my chest, listening to the heart that only beats for him, to see that he’s got sleep clouding his eyes and his own dreamy smile splitting his face in half; I’m definitely doing my job and that’s the best anniversary present that I could ever long for.
Especially the fact that he looks content enough to fall asleep right here, nestled into me like a day-old chick into a hen apart from twenty times cuter.
“You can sleep if you want, Mikes. I’ll take you home and wake you up when we get there.” I offer, understanding that he had a horrendous nightmare last night that robbed him of all sleep; I could hear him hyperventilating down the phone and Gerard trying desperately to get him to breathe in the background, making my heart break at the fact that I just couldn’t help him. But I can now, with him in my arms I can just ease him through anything that his sleep might bring to him. “That’s it, just relax, Sugar.”
I lean down and tickle his lips with my own, his limp against my mouth through his exhaustion and by the time that I’ve pulled away his eyes are closed; my peaceful little angel finally getting the respite that he deserves. I can’t bring myself to head home just yet though; I love the hazy glow of the glistening sea after a sunset and I want to ingrain into my memory to help me associate it with this heavenly moment a little more before I drive off back to normality.
“God, you’re so amazing, Sugar. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about how lucky I am to have you.” I whisper, unsure if he’s fully asleep yet or not, the moon’s glow encouraging me onwards like the captivated audience that the twinkling stars are fast becoming. “Every time you smile I feel like a millionaire because your smile is like gold; beautiful and precious and fulfilling.” My hands gently ease his head into my lap to stop it from slipping harshly down my chest, my fingers mingling with his hair all of the while. “Every time you blush I feel like an artist for painting such cuteness on your canvas, Sugar.” My thumb runs over a denting scar on his forehead, one that even Gerard won’t talk about, and I have to swallow the obstruction that is fast swelling in my throat. “Every time that I think of what they did to you I feel so proud of you, Sugar. Proud because it would be so easy for you to just give up but you always try your hardest; it would be so easy for you to be bitter, but you’re still the nicest person that I know; it’d be easy for you to turn ugly, but you’re still beautiful. Even beautiful-er than the sunset.” As I say the words the final slither of sun sinks behind the ocean, leaving nothing but the stars and moon to lend us their light. “Every time that I kiss you, hell, I’m not even going to describe how that feels because I’d be lying and I’d never lie to you. I’d be lying because words can never come close to describing how kissing you makes me feel, Mikey Way.”
I reach into the back and grab my old, over-loved panda hoodie; a hoodie that I only haven’t thrown out yet for two reasons, the first being that it’s Mikey’s favourite out of my extensive wardrobe and the second being that it smells of my Mikey from where he’s cuddled into it so many times in search of comfort. I tuck it around my little angel’s fragile form, grinning to myself as he reflexively moves closer to the familiar fabric, and brush away a stray strand of hair that’s fallen into his porcelain face. Looking at him now, so peaceful and perfect, it’s hard to believe that he’s been through all that he has.
But he’s come out of it the other end and I’ll be here, helping him to recover, every step of the way.
“I love you, Sugar. So fucking much.”
The night answers me with a hum of the crickets, seemingly playing the credit sequence on one of the best nights of my life; I know that it has been sorrowful in parts, but Mikey’s been smiling the entire time and that’s all that matters to me. All that I could ever want.
“I love you too, Pete.”
A/N: Thank you very much for reading! I did this in an attempt to improve my dialogue skills (or lack thereof), so it would be super helpful in anyone could be kind enough to give me some criticism/tips. Thanks for reading and please R & R if you liked it! :)