If Brendon thought I was going to wait for him to break my heart then he was dead wrong.
"No worries. Popcorn and movie theaters aren't for every woman." Spencer joked, taking his shirt off since it was now covered in vomit. They'd made it about ten minutes in to Happy Feet.
"No." Kacy shook her head, tears dripping down her cheeks. "I'm so awful. I mean, it's been forever since I've gone out... I didn't expect to throw up all over you."
"Come on Kace, please don't cry. I'm not worried about it. My shirt can be cleaned or, you know what? Screw the shirt. I have better clothing." I tossed my bundled up shirt in to the trash can. "I don't need it. It's no loss."
Kacy smiled a little. "Spencer, you've been the best. I don't think I would have made it through this pregnancy in one piece without you." She was still crying. I really didn't want to see her tears. They tore at me.
I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her gently. "You've kept me sane during this tour too." I assured her. Surprisingly she and I hadn't been on the best of terms at first when Brendon started 'stalking' her but now... Now she was my best friend, even beyond the guys. She gave me what they couldn't. She was there when I broke up with my latest girlfriend, Amy... She was always there for me.
Once inside my car I realized I didn't want to go back to the tour bus. "Has it seemed... I don't know, cramped to you lately?" I asked.
Kacy wrinkled her nose and nodded, "Yeah but we only have a few months left before we stop. Freedom will be nice."
"A few months seems like a long time. Look, Brendon is going to be gone tonight. He has some crap he has to deal with."
"What crap?" Kacy asked.
"Eh, something with one of our tour vendors." God, I hated lying to her.
"Oh." She frowned.
"Why don't we grab a motel room for the night? We can get munchies and just lay in bed and talk. It'll be nice to get out of that fucking bus." I offered, hoping she'd accept.
Kacy seemed hesitant.
"It'll just be time for us." I tried making her lose any guilt over the action of us together... in a motel room. "Before the baby comes and you're a mother 24/7. You need a girls night out." I joked.
Kacy laughed, "You know you're a man, right?"
I shrugged, "Only sometimes."
Between giggling Kacy responded, "I'd love to do that Spencer but um... We seriously have to stop by the store because I need to get a toothbrush. I've got yuck mouth right now."
I laughed as well, nodding. "Understandable."
It took me a few minutes but then I managed to pull a clean-ish shirt from the back of my car. "Do you have clothing stashed everywhere?" Kacy asked, pulling out a pair of boxers.
I laughed, "I used to party a lot with..."
"Brendon?" Kacy suggested, shrugging. "I know he's a party boy. I don't want to-"
"Change him?" I suggested, finishing her sentence.
"Sometimes things like that are better changed." I replied, buckling up.
Kacy did the same, not looking at me. "I don't want him to hate me."
"He loves you." I said, feeling even more horrible about hiding shit from her. Why did Brendon have to be such a dick? It wasn't that hard to be a good husband to a woman like Kacy. She didn't ask for much. Come home, don't cheat... Why couldn't he just do that for her?
"Oh, there is a store down the road. I saw it when we were coming here." Kacy said, in an attempt to change the subject.
It was easy to see right through her. She didn't lie often but when she did it was obvious. It was obvious that something was bothering her. Did she realize Brendon was stepping out on her?
We drove to the store in silence.
It wasn't until we were in the store and Kacy was picking out a toothbrush that the silence was broken by... Ryan!
"I'm going to get laidddddd!!!!" Ryan sang out, coming down the aisle holding a box of condoms.
Kacy laughed, "Wow, is it like the first time or something?"
"You're hammered." I realized immediately.
Ryan grinned, "Kacy!" He hugged her, "Spencer!"
"Don't hug me." I immediately stepped back, wrinkling my nose at the smell of him. Usually it would be more amusing but not this time. This time it wasn't amusing at all because I knew that Brendon was probably drunk somewhere with some girl...
"Be safe." Kacy said, giggling. She kissed Ryan on the cheek and then he bounced away, with surprising speed.
"Well, that was weird." I finally said, as Kacy threw her toothbrush in to the cart.
Kacy shrugged, "I don't find anything weird anymore. It's when normal things happen that I get a little scared." She joked, grinning.
"Smart." Was my response.
Tell her! God, how I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know but at the same time I didn't. I didn't want to see her even more hurt. Brendon cheating on her would kill her... She would crumble. She was such a strong person but how do you deal with that when you're carrying the cheater's child?
"Something wrong?" Kacy asked, placing her hand on my shoulder.
"I just wanted to get some munchies." I lied, heading for another aisle.
"We can... stay in a better motel." I argued, looking around the parking lot.
"Oh come on." Kacy pleaded, giving me a puppy dog stare once again. "Motel six is simple without being disgusting. Plus, it's cheap."
"Why does the cost matter? I'll pay. Hell, you're set. It's not like Brendon is going broke." I complained, realizing I was whining over where we would sleep. When had I gotten so ridiculous?
"That's Brendon's money." Kacy frowned. "I don't have any."
"Don't you have a few of his cards in your name?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.
"Yeah, I do but I-" She paused, "Whatever."
"Are you bothered that you don't have any money without him?" I asked, confused.
Kacy stared at the dashboard before responding. "Yeah." She finally admitted. "I kind of am. I didn't really think about it before but I have nothing. I don't even have a college degree, nor am I working towards one."
"Bre-" I shut my mouth. "Let's get a motel room here! I'll go inside and get one, okay?" Now I felt like a douchebag.
Kacy nodded, "Sure."
Kacy was standing outside of the car, rubbing her belly when I came out. "W-why are you outside? God, Brendon would kill me if he saw you standing out here."
Kacy laughed, "No one is going to freaking attack me. Are you that paranoid? Jeez, I thought that was only Brendon."
I bit my lip, "Hey, they only had a one bed avail..." Awkward.
"No problem. We can share." She responded, smiling. "Unless you're too nervous to sleep with me..."
I shook my head, "Not nervous at all. Why would I be?"
"Um..." That's when I remembered. Brendon refused to sleep with her while she was pregnant due to his 'concerns'. "Just didn't want you to be uncomfortable."
"Come on, let's go." Kacy said, grinning. I loved how she could just change the subject, becoming careless immediately. I knew she wasn't entirely careless but she was just... easygoing.
I grabbed the bags out of the back of my car and then walked up the stairs with her, actually finding myself a little excited. We always stayed at 'high class' hotels... This was a breath of fresh air. Surprisingly none of the people outside of the motel rooms stared at us either. One guy stepped forward, making me a little nervous. "Need some help carrying those bags?" He asked, in a friendly southern accent. I was taken off guard. He was huge with lots of tattoos and... offering to help.
"Sure." I replied, somewhat shocked. Why was I so shocked though? He was just being friendly. "Thank you."
"No problem. How far along is your lady?" He asked, grabbing three of the bags from me.
I didn't even correct him. It was nice to just have a conversation with someone who obviously had no idea who I was. "Five months." I said, grinning.
"Just you wait." The man said, smiling in return as we reached the motel room and stopped. "The day you see that child will be the happiest day of your life."
"How many kids do you have?" I asked.
"Two." The man said, frowning a little. "The old lady left me about a year ago, took them with."
"I'm sorry man." Was my instant reply.
Kacy opened the door to let us in as she listened to the conversation.
The man shrugged, "Things will get better. They eventually do." He replied, smiling. "You two have a nice night. Let me know if you need any other help. I'm in room 312."
"Thank you." We both said as he walked out.
Once the door was closed I looked at the bags. "Wow, how much shit did we get?"
"Enough for a month." Kacy said, giggling.
"You were right." I finally admitted.
"This is nice. People here are nice."
"It sounded nice. Brendon would never come here." Kacy said, going through one of the bags. "I'm going to brush my teeth and shower. Be right out!"
I was laying in bed, flicking through the channels when Kacy walked out of the bathroom looking refreshed. "Need to shower?"
"Yeah, I probably should... I have a smell to me." I responded, standing up.
"Hey, look... I'm sorry if I've been complaining about Brendon a lot today. It's just hard sometimes. I never expected this to be so hard." Kacy said, frowning.
I sat back down, listening. "No, it's fine. Remember, girls night? You're supposed to dish." I told her, watching her smile. "Maybe Brendon is just nervous. You know, there's a good chance that he doesn't feel needed..." I attempted to explain Brendon's emotions when I didn't even really understand them. All I had to go off of was his phone call earlier.
It was as if I had opened the floodgates. Kacy's face reddened, "He's nervous? He doesn't feel needed? Do you know the last time we slept together?"
"I don't." I replied, nervously. Was I supposed to know?
"The first time. The time he got me pregnant." Kacy replied, looking ashamed. "It's like he doesn't find me desirable. He always says he's tired but what has him so fucking tired? You, Ryan, and Jon all do the same shit he does and yet the rest of you go sleep with girls... The rest of you can hold a fucking conversation with me. He's too fucking tired to do either! The idea of having sex with my husband has become more horrifying than the idea of shoving a child out of my vagina!"
I was amazed. She never looked nervous. She never looked like anything was wrong... "I had no idea." I replied, looking away. "We always-"
"You guys always scheduled nights to leave Brendon and I alone so that we could get intimate. I know. Brendon always left on those nights." Kacy said, blushing. "So, I've gained god knows how many pounds. When I see the doctor I ask him not to fucking tell me. I feel huge. I look disgusting, like a beached fucking whale. My husband won't touch me. He doesn't even act interested. You know what the last thing we talked about was? A fucking banana." Kacy's voice started rising, tears staining her cheeks. "I don't even know him anymore. I don't think he wants to know me. I've ruined his life. I can see it whenever I look at him. He doesn't want to be tied down. He doesn't want a wife. He doesn't want a baby. He wants to party and hook up and have fun." Kacy ran out of breath and stopped talking, embarrassed that she had said so much.
"You're not disgusting Kacy. If anything... you've gotten more adorable." I said, horrified with how Brendon was making her feel.
"Adorable? No wonder Brendon won't sleep with me." Kacy replied, sobbing.
"Not adorable!" I quickly tried to say something else, "Sexy!"
Kacy laughed, "You're too sweet Spencer. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to unload on you. I usually... I mean, I don't like seeming so weak but it's becoming too much." She admitted.
I shrugged, "You're far from weak Kace."
"I like when you call me that." She said, smiling.
"Good." I replied, leaning closer to her without knowing what I was doing. "I like to make you happy." Then our lips met. It was brief and completely unplanned...
"Fuck." Kacy pulled away, shaking her head. "No. I can't... I can't do this. I can't do this to Brendon." She said, standing up.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I didn't know what else to say. I felt like an idiot. How could I tell her the truth? The truth was that I cared for her and I hated what Brendon was doing to her.
"I just need some fresh air. I'll be back in a few minutes." Kacy said, going to the door.
"Let me come with. I don't really want you out there alone..." Now I sounded like a jackass.
Kacy rolled her eyes, "I"ll be back." With that she closed the door behind her.
Fuck. What did I do?
Once I started walking down the stairs I realized a few people were staring at me, which caused me to wish that it was raining. At least then my crying would be less noticable. What had I done? I kissed Spencer! And I liked it!
Brendon just made me feel so unwanted and... before, I had just felt so wanted by him. It was all so confusing. Did he want me or was this becoming too much?
I fought to get my phone out of my pocket, realizing just how tight the jeans were. I was getting huge. The phone rang as I hoped for Brendon to pick up but as always it went straight to voicemail, making me think of how little we actually spoke now. Where had our love gone? Once I said 'I do' it seemed to have disappeared.
We were both so happy then. What happened to us? "Brendon, I really-" I fought the urge to cry or scream. "-I really just need to talk to you. I need to know what's going on. Please call me back. This time... please don't ignore me. I know you're not too busy to answer the phone so don't act like you are." I was sick of pretending not to see what he was doing. He was obviously hiding from me. But why?
I felt the baby kick and sighed heavily. I was going to do this with or without Brendon. He couldn't just change his fucking mind. That wasn't how things worked. If he wasn't going to show me attention then so fucking be it. I wouldn't show him attention. I was sick of being the doting sweet wife that waited for HIM to decide it was time to do things together or make love. Fuck that. It didn't feel right. Though I still couldn't remember who I used to be... that just didn't feel like me.
With big steps I walked back up the stairs, pulling the card from my pocket. I slid it in to the card reader to open the door. Spencer was still sitting on the bed, looking confused. "Thank you." I told him, sitting next to him.
"Giving me a new perspective. I feel like you gave me a piece of myself back." I informed him, smiling. The smile felt genuine. I wanted to feel right again. I wanted things to be easy again. I knew having a baby would be hard but everything didn't have to be hard. I didn't have to make things harder.
If Brendon thought I was going to wait for him to break my heart then he was dead fucking wrong.
(Don't worry any old readers of Almost. Kacy is going to be her strong old self as this story grows! Also, there will be a lot of Spencer/Brendon/Kacy drama as you can tell. Hope some people still enjoy. As always, if you like it or if there is something you dislike about it... Review and let me know? Thank you!)