Before I knew it I was clenching my fist, stretching the skin over each knuckle.
I could see the difference in Kacy as soon as she walked in to the motel room. I couldn't pin point it exactly and she wasn't exactly explaining it to me but there was a noticeable difference in her demeanor.
Then the calls began.
My phone started ringing and I realized I had a bunch of missed texts from Brendon. Kacy peaked down, "Don't answer it. He doesn't feel like dealing with me usually. Tonight I don't feel like dealing with him." Who was I to deny her?
"I had my phone off earlier. I guess he's been trying to get a hold of me." I informed her, reading a few texts. They all seemed rushed. He just kept asking me what I'd told Kacy. I hadn't told her anything. Rolling my eyes, I realized he must be worried that I'd say something. I turned my phone off again, without an ounce of guilt to weigh me down.
"Do you think that what doesn't kill us really makes us stronger?" Kacy asked me, laying beside me on the bed.
"I think it's what makes us who we are." I replied, staring up at the ceiling.
"I think I'm going to be divorced and with a child before I can even legally drink." Kacy whispered.
"You're divorcing Brendon?" I asked, surprised.
Kacy laughed. The laugh was bitter. "I don't think so, no. But it doesn't seem that he wants me."
"You're pregnant. He won't leave you." I assured her.
It seemed assurance wasn't what she was looking for. 'Is that the only reason he'll stay?" Kacy asked, sitting up. "Because that's not what I want. We used to love each other Spencer. We really did." I believed her. I could still remember the rants Brendon went on about her. The way he looked at her... I'd never seen him look at another girl with that look.
"He's under a lot of stress." Why was I defending him?
"So am I." Kacy replied, biting her lip. "I'm not letting it get to me though. Okay, so I am but... not as badly."
"Want me to call him back?" I asked, unsure as to what I was supposed to do.
"I want you to kiss me again." Kacy said, catching me off guard.
Kacy didn't listen to my objection, instead pressing her lips against mine. I was too much of a fool to pull away. I was too stupid to realize what she was doing. She couldn't rid herself of feeling for Brendon by kissing me. That would do nothing but bring more pain for us all.
The next morning I woke up, stretching out. The night before still clouded my mind, filling me with guilt. I'd kissed Kacy. Sure, we didn't do anything other than kiss but... that was still a big deal. She was married to my band-mate, one of my best friends!... and pregnant with his child. I was a terrible friend. I hadn't made her feel better. I'd tricked her in to kissing me.
Well, I mean... She'd asked me to kiss her but still, I couldn't bring myself to blame Kacy for anything. She was lonely. Brendon wasn't even answering her calls. I'd held her all night, listening to her rant. I'd encouraged her too. Hopefully she felt better. All of that bottled stress couldn't be good for the baby.
I glanced over to find Kacy passed out, cuddling against the bunched up blanket beside her. Silently I pulled my phone off of the desk and turned it on, not wanting to wake Kacy up.
Just as I figured there would be... I had many missed calls and voice-mails from Brendon. Fuck, I felt so fucking terrible.
It took a good ten minutes to get myself free from the sheets without waking Kacy. She looked so peaceful. I just wanted to make things better for her. How did I get her in to this mess with me? I never meant to kiss her but... I couldn't really bring myself to regret it. My biggest regret was not saying something at her wedding. I should have told her the truth then. I should have told her that Brendon was a fucking liar. She should have gotten to choose who she got to spend her life with. I was too stupid then. I didn't know I loved her then. Was this love? I wasn't sure but I- I felt something for Kacy. She was too amazing not to fall for.
Once I closed the motel room door behind me I waited for Brendon to pick up his phone. Surprisingly this time it didn't take long. "Where are you? Where did you take Kacy? What the fuck did you tell my wife Spencer?"
"Your wife?" I heard an angry voice in the background and rolled my eyes.
"You didn't even go back to the bus, did you? You're still out with some fucking slut." Oh, how the guilt dissolved.
"I didn't have to go back. Jon told me neither of you were there." Brendon said, "Where is she?"
"You have ten fucking minutes to get back and pretend to be a good boy. I didn't tell her anything." I spit out, disgusted with him. He used to be so good to Kacy. Why did things have to change? What had changed? Brendon didn't seem to care anymore, not really.
Brendon sighed, "Thank fucking god. Kacy would kill me."
"Is that all you're scared of? What about the fact that she could take your child from you Brendon? She is the mother and you are cheating. She could very easily sue for sole custody seeing as how you're on the road most of the time anyway." It seemed he needed a reality check, even if it had to be scared in to him.
"I'll be back soon." Brendon said, ignoring my statement. He suddenly sounded exhausted. I didn't know what to think of him anymore. Did he even care?
I was completely surprised to find Kacy awake when I came back in to the motel room. "Call Brendon?" She asked, looking somewhat disappointed.
I shrugged, "He was worried."
"Was he really?" Kacy asked, standing up.
I really didn't want to lie to her anymore. "I don't really know. He's... kind of being a jackass."
Kacy nodded, "Yeah, kind of." But she seemed to suspect something. I wish I knew what it was.
"Ready to go back?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." She responded, plastering a smile to her face.
Spencer and I pulled in to the parking lot just as Brendon did. He'd been out all night too? "Oh yeah, Brendon was... working on music last night, wasn't he?" I asked, absentmindedly.
Spencer responded just as I remembered what he'd actually said. "Yeah."
"Wait, didn't you say he was working something out with a tour vendor?"
Spencer paused. I watched the way his jaw tensed before he spoke, "Look Kacy, I don't remember..." Liar.
"Don't lie to me. It's bad enough that he is." I said, looking at Spencer. "You've become my best friend. You're the only fucking person I have on this tour... Please don't lie to me."
Spencer looked down, "I'm sorry but I just can't... I really don't remember." Now he was just being obvious.
"How long has he been cheating?" I asked, horrified that I hadn't seen it before.
"I don't know what you mean." Spencer lied again.
"Fine, how about an easier question... How long have you been covering his back and lying to me about it?" I asked, disgusted.
"I'm so fucking sorry Kacy." Spencer said, still not looking at me.
"Me too." I spit out, opening the car door. Spencer stayed inside of the car, still not looking up from the steering wheel. I thought he was my friend. I never thought he was lying to me about whoever the fuck Brendon was fucking behind my back.
Brendon smiled as he saw me, "Hey baby..."
I shook my head, disgusted with him. "I love you Brendon." I said, staring at him. I just wanted him to confess his sins. I wanted him to tell me he'd cheated. I just wanted the truth!
"I love you too Kacy." Brendon replied, stepping closer. He smelled like cheap perfume. How'd I miss it before? I'd stupidly blamed it on fan girls and figured he'd been hugged. I never thought... never thought he'd been fucking another girl, multiple girls.
"Do you?" I asked, tone becoming shrill.
"Of course." Brendon said, still not telling the truth.
"Yeah, you keep saying you feel the same. You keep saying that you still love me but what the fuck are you doing?" I yelled, losing my calm immediately.
"What are you talking about baby?" Brendon asked, stepping closer to me. I didn't want him to fucking touch me with the smell of another woman staining him.
The closer he got the less calm I felt. How could he? I didn't deserve this! Before I knew it I was clenching my fist, stretching the skin over each knuckle. I heard Ryan's voice but I couldn't hear what he was saying, something about a hangover... I brought my fist up, smashing it against Brendon's right cheek. It hurt so fucking badly but it felt so right.
Brendon brought his hand up to his cheek, a hurt look crossing his perfect face. That perfect face that lured in many girls... Those perfect lips... pressed up against other girl's lips, stranger's lips... "I don't want to do this anymore." I spit out, trying to block out the images of what he'd done behind my back.