I don't have a boyfriend. I have a Frank.
Hey there, annonymous reader. Yeah, I know I probably spelt annonymous wrong, and I dunno whether I should have used spelt or spelled back there, but it doesn't matter now, cos I've already written it. But anyway, back to the point.
My name's Gerard. Gerard Way. I know you probably don't care, but that's my name whether you like it or not. I'm not the best at English - as you can probably tell from back up there - I'm not the best at French, or maths, or geography or any of that other shit. I'm pretty alright at music, I guess, but that's only cos I actually like music. I'm a fair singer, as I've been told.
I don't have a girlfriend, because I'm gay. You don't like it? Then you can leave now. Those of you who aren't homophobes or completely bored out of their minds so far, feel free to read on.
I don't know if any of you are acquainted with the little bitch known as love, but she's been mocking me for a good few years now. But now she's finally decided to relent and take my side for once, and if she's done the same to you then great! I'm happy for you, oh, one-who-is-reading-this. Popular guy/girl like you's bound to have a girlfriend or boyfriend.
But I'm different.
You see, I don't have a boyfriend.
I have a Frank.
And having a Frank is quite a bit different.
Franks aren't like regular boyfriends. Franks are quite that bit smaller; 4'11 to be presice, but don't dare to call them short, because you will be jumped on and clung to, being told over and over that they are NOT short, but fun-sized. Their hairstyles are just too epic for words; you know that that floppy mowhawk is not naturally black, and that the sides were blonde before they were dyed red, but you can't help but melt at the way their bangs fall in front of their delicious golden, eyeliner-rimmed eyes, and you take great pleasure in sweeping their bangs aside to catch a glimpse of the twinkle in their gaze.
They love rock music; their favourite bands being The Misfits, Black Flag and Green Day which is just as well, because you love them too. They always beg for hugs, and when they get them, they never let go and have to be prised from the side of your body when it's time for you to go to class, and it pains the both of you, because neither of you really want to let go. They are loved by your mother, who has only just accepted the fact that you're gay and not just going through a phase, and they get on really well with your brother too.
Franks also tend to be a lot more relaxed than normal boyfriends - situations of conflict they like to don a cool pair of shades and just laugh it off, but they'll always have your back no matter what. You can have any conversation in the world with them, from family troubles to secret shames, and you'll end up discussing topics for hours, from how to resolve all of the world's problems to which flavour of jelly bean is the tastiest - although most of these discussions will usually turn into playful arguements.
Even though they are aware that you never use your phone, a Frank will always text you morning, noon and night, but sometimes if you text back you may not receive a reply for a few hours, either because he was sleeping or he'd dropped his phone behind the sofa and had to fight off at least five hungry puppies to rescue it.
They're always bursting with enthusiasm, so you know that something's seriously wrong when they're quiet. They never cry in public, but sometimes when their emotions overwhelm them they will break down in your arms and that's when you hold them, kiss them, and comfort them. That's when you let them know that you care and that you're always there for them, because your Frank will always be there for you. He will no doubt tell you a random fact at the beginning of every day - a fact that you may or may not find interesting or even care about, but you smile anyway because his personality is just so unique and loveable.
Admittedly, Franks take a lot of running about and hard work and care, but it's worth it in the end. No matter how much love and care, no matter how many tears or how much laughter you put in, you are garunteed to get every bit as much back. Franks are great kissers, but sometimes have the tendency to get caught up in the moment and bite your tongue - and your neck sometimes too, even though you're the vampire lookalike - or get carried away and become a totally hyper ball of electric Frank energy.
They can be a bit of a handful - okay, a lot of a handful - and I wouldn't recommend having a Frank, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Because I don't love my boyfriend - I don't have a boyfriend.
I have a Frank, and I'll love my Frank until the very end, and into the afterlife too.
How was that? It was probably quite bad but please R&R for me? Thanking you very much and thanks for reading! :D