I've got to make up my mind. Criss or Blake?
Criss or Blake?
Criss or Blake?
It's quiet and the only thing I can hear is Blake's heartbeat as we sit together on the window seat in my room (I'm leaning my head on his chest).
He's staring out into the yard blankly, I don't know what to do,
"Steph" he says, his voice is cold and it frightens me, making me jump "Sorry" still not taking his eyes off the yard below.
I shrug lightly and he continues,
"Why'd you and Criss breakup?"
"I-I went ba-back to jersey"
"Who dumped who"
This question made me uncomfortable, I'd never been dumped- I always did the dumping.
"He d-dumped me"
"Thats not what he said"
He hugs me tightly and opens his mouth to speak but the there's a bang, 'his' wife is screaming, all issues aside Blake and I run downstairs.
Brooke is lying on the floor in an awkward position, Blake calls an ambulance and we go with her to the hospital. During the ride Blake whispers to me,
"Should we call your dad?" I flinch,
"Whats the number?"
I shrug, "I d-dunno"
I slide my phone out of my pocket and flick through my contact list, there it is- Alex Jakson- the number I had never dialled, he called me but I never answered.
I pass the phone to Blake and he understands, he calls and I listen to one side of the conversation;
"Um, it's not Stephanie, it's Blake. Remember? From the hospital- yes, that's right- well, there's been an accident, an emergency- no, its not Stephanie its your..wife- okay we'll wait at the entrance for you"
"He's on his way" Blake says to me,
"Gr-Great" I say sarcastically,
"Why do you hate your dad?" flinch.
I sigh, I don't even know Blake but I can trust him, I know I can. I tell him everything at the hospital while we wait for him.
He walks in quickly and I didn't even see him until Blake stood up,
"Ah, Blake, where is she?"
Oh I'm here too you know? Your daughter?
But I don't say anything.
I watch them go into Brooke's room and sit with her, I'm lingering at the door,
"I know you don't want to go in, want to go for a walk?"
I nod my head and he slips his hand in mine, so warm, so comforting.
We go out into the courtyard and there's still light, the sun hasn't set yet. I'm sitting at the table staring into the bright green grass blades swaying in the soft wind, there's no snow here, my eyes fill with tears and I let them fall. I'm thinking of the night Jake stood up to him, the night he walked out, I'm thinking of watching mom saying "This is never going to happen again".
I only wipe my face when a tear curls around and slides down my top lip.
Blakes hugging me, he knows what I'm thinking of.
"You never told me why you're suffering"
"Criss d-dumped ME r-remember?"
He frowns, "Yeah?"
"Af-after that I w-went b-back to J-Jersey and I-I started cutting ag-again"
"You'd cut before?"
"Yes, there w-was all the s-shit with my-"
"and t-then m-my best f-friend- he k-killed him-himself"
His jaw dropped,
"Aw Steph!" he hugs me tighter and kisses my cheek softly,
"It'll be okay, I'm here for you"
I shift a little in my seat so it doesn't look like he's 'side fucking' me and put one leg on either side of the bench seat, his arms hesitantly slide down from my shoulders to my waist and mine are around his neck,
"Blake..." I whisper, and then were kissing and it's like believe in fairies and magic and unicorns and vampires. It feels like fireworks, his lips are so soft and then it's over,
"Well, this is awkward" oh shit, it's 'him'
Me and Blake pull apart and it's so awkward.
But I've made my decision- its Blake, definitely Blake.