Gerard goes back into his past when he was BFFs with Bert McCracken. (Weekend sleepover)
I was so happy to get away with my best friend from my home. Of course I missed my parent when I went camping at their camper with him, but it helped me get away from that place I also called hell because my parents always fought with each other verbally. It was nice to be with him and his parents because he was only a year younger than me so he looked up to me. And his parents didn’t fight, they still did puzzles and played games with their kid, I was just too busy to even do that, my parents the same. But there was something about my friend, like we had lots of things in common like our love for horror flicks.
“You wanna play Monopoly?” he asked me.
“Yeah, that’s cool. I don’t care. Whatever you want to do.”
His name was Bert. He had medium length brown hair and brown eyes. He was mostly nice to me, but was a smart ass like myself too. But that night was the worst because his father went to bed and his mom stayed out with me and Bert on the patio wit a built in cover around it. It was cold too; it felt -0 degrees Celsius so I had on my black heavy jacket and my black jeans, along with my black shoes. I was so cold I might just drop dead from hypothermia. The game finally ended when there were no properties left to buy, besides, it just got really fucking boring anyways just rolling the dice and moving the game pieces around the board.
“Okay. Count up your money! I’m tired. We’re not going anywhere in this game,” his mom said laughing.
We agree and Bert was the one to win. As we cleaned up, his mom changed into her pajamas in the back and said goodnight as we climbed onto the pullout couch in the small living room. We stayed up for awhile watching the TV and joking around about what was on but it was still so cold and all I wanted to do was get warm, so I snuggled up against him. I knew he was straight and at least I thought I was too but it was just too cold for me to think anymore. He didn’t react, just stared at the TV, “What are you doing?”
“I’m cold,” I said, holding onto him tighter.
He pushed me off a little but I was resistant. His shoves soon became touching though. I started fooling around and touched his chest and quickly touched over the front of his jeans. He grabbed my hands but I eased my fingers out and the pushed them back into his tight fist.
“Oh my god!” he said and dropped his hands.
The next time I tried touching him he squished my fingers with his fist again and I eased them in and out as he tightened them even more. We finally stopped and looked at each other. “Am I keeping you awake?” I asked, looking and noticing his tiredness.
“No. I’m wide awake. This is fun.”
“It is. I’m trying to scare you, freak you out.”
“Nothing you do can scare me,” he said with a smile.
I smiled back and said, “Okay, can I try something?”
“Yeah, what is it?” he asked back.
I pushed the blanket back and got up on top of him and looked down at his expression. “I’ve always wanted to do this to someone and know what it looked like and felt like,” I sighed, “Wait, I got to move up more. I’m nowhere close to sitting right on you.” I pushed up and hit the cabinet right on the top of my head above me, “OW!” I whispered, grabbing my head where it hurt.
He giggled at me as I stayed down low and positioned myself better on him. “I’ve always wanted to do this too,” I said, and started bouncing on him, pretending moaning.
I stopped and we laughed together as I climbed back to his side. “What else can we do?” he asked, looking over at me with a warm smile.
I had one thing in mind but I wasn’t sure if I had the guts to even say it because I wouldn’t know the reaction. He turned on his side to face me as I still lay on my back. My mind suddenly wasn’t stopping because I finally said it, “I got one thing we could do. “He looked at me confused. “Don’t move and don’t get nervous,” I said as I leaned my forehead forward, close enough to his lips and just blew air as I pulled back.
“Oh my god! My heart was pounding!” he said, shocked. “What else?”
“I still have one idea,” I said, looking away from him.
“What is it then? Just say,” he pressed.
I couldn’t speak. The word stuck in my throat and finally let it out, “Kiss.”
“Me and you? No way!!” he back off.
“I don’t know. Just…”
I gave up; lost hope. I gave up on ever doing what my heart asked for in another person.
“Well… we can try it…” he said, softly.
I looked over at him, “Are you sure?” I whispered.
He nodded and I fixed myself so I was above him, one arm holding me up, placed on the side of his head. “Don’t get nervous. Just stay. Relax. Don’t move.”
He hadn’t kissed anyone, nor have I so this was instinct. Truth is, it really was scary.
“Wait, wait, do I keep my eyes open or closed?” he asked.
“Closed. I mean, you can keep them open but...”
With that I leaned down slowly, close to his lips but backed away. I wend down again until I touched his lips and kissed him softy and pulled away, not satisfied. I wanted more. “Ok. You wanna do it again? Because that wasn’t even a full kiss,” I asked.
“Yeah, what do we do now?”
“Well, what do you want? Top lip or bottom lip?”
“Do you want to take my bottom or top lip?”
“Ummm bottom, I guess.”
I got nervous again and did the same thing with going in and pulling away about 2 times before I finally touched his lips with mine, pulling his top lip in my mouth as I closed my lips around it. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth as I bit his lip gently, and we both laughed. With both our mouths opening and closing, we caught our mouths sliding on each other and our tongues touched for the first time. He pulled away immediately, “Holy shit!”
“What?” I asked him, excited from the touch.
“Oh, nothing. Just whoa! So… Ew, I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry I even brought it up. You want to go to sleep? I hoped he didn’t.
“No, this is really awesome.”
I lay back down beside him and grazed my hipbone lightly with my finger. “This is so cool, feel this.” I looked back at him. He gave me this look, “It’s my hipbone. It feels weird but really cool. Just touch it.”
He touched my hipbone and caressed it before trickling his fingers back and forth along my stomach. I giggled and looked over at him, turned on his side, my way, looking at the TV and smiling as he noticed me laughing. His grazing finger soon was going back and forth more aggressive and moved down more under the top of my jeans. “This is in my way,” he said, pulling his fingers away and pointing to my pants where the button was.
“Here,” I said, unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans. We smiled.
His hand retreated back to my lower stomach and felt down more to the point he was touching the very top of my most sensitive spot under my boxers. I grabbed his hand and stopped him, “Getting nervous?” he asked me.
I thought for a second but let go and let him continue on. His hand touched around me, feeling my length before he rubbed me slowly. It felt strange, weird and eerie at first but I thought about how much I like him and it all went away. The only thing in my head now was “Go faster, Bert! Please, go faster.” And all I know was that my best friend was rubbing me, I had my first kiss, and I never wanted to stop this night. He wasn’t pumping me; he was just sensually touching right where I wanted to be touched until we heard a noise. The sound was coming from the back of the camper, his parents. He immediately stopped and pulled his hands out of my pants and pretended to go to sleep as I did, with another unsatisfied feeling. When we heard nothing more and were certain no one would get up, we talked and fooled around, our legs intertwined until we fell asleep. The next night was much more complicated. We started with simply just talking, sitting up, until he started tickling me to death. He also tried pulling the string to the hood on my jacket and stuffing it up my nose. I just took it off though because I couldn’t catch my breath from laughing so hard. “What do you want to do, Gerard?” he asked me as we settled down lying next to each other.
His parents were asleep once again. “Oh, we could kiss again. We don’t have to,” I suggested.
He debated, “We could try it,” he started asking me how we’d kiss that time, “Why don’t you get on top of met this time?”
I didn’t refuse as I climbed on top of him, no regrets. I did as last time, one knew between his legs and a supportive arm on one side of his head. “Are you ready? You still sure you want to do this because you can just stop me?”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he laughed.
I leaned my head forward feeling his warm breath on my lips. I parted my lips and pressed them against his lips. His tongues pushed through my lips as I sucked on it, leaving my mouth and invading it again. We continued for so long until our breaths were heavy. As I plunged back for more, his moans were low and his hands felt around my shirt as his bottom half pressed up against mine. I pulled back, “Are you really doing that?”
“What?” he asked confused.
“The moaning and everything you’re doing.”
“Yeah,” and again, I came back down onto his mouth.
My black hair fell forward on both our faces and I tried pulling it back with his help. One of his hands felt down my back, as the other started rubbing me through my jeans. “Go down more, down more,” I breathed in between kisses to tell him he wasn’t exactly on the spot.
He stopped everything, “Dude, I felt really gay doing that.”
I laid on him and closed my eyes, waking up to him laying over me as I did to him. He was nervous at first because I tried assuring him, “Don’t be nervous. Pretend I’m someone else if you want if that helps. I’ll even close my eyes so I don’t know what you’re going to do.”
He came closer as I lifted my head up to meet him the rest of the way, kissing and making out hard again. As I got more and more tired, I stopped and cuddled with him and separated as his parents moved. My eyes were so heavy I immediately fell fast asleep.
The problem with him though was that he was always mean to me after that. Whether it was punching me on my body so hard (in a jokingly way, but it felt real) I would bruise to having fights and throwing ice cubes. Sounds really girly and stupid but he always wanted it his way where he could do what he wanted but you couldn’t do it back to him. He always acted like it was “playing around” but it hurt deep down inside. Especially when he called me every name in the book from gay to fucking asshole. Must I go on to describe? Even his parents told me to do stuff back to him because they knew how he was. I gave him chances, but each time he’d fuck me up even more. In the end, I called him one day, confronting him on why he was so mean. I told him I had fallen in love with him, but he always said that stupid line, “You know I’m straight, right?”
I didn’t know if I was bisexual or not. I never figured myself out and I still haven’t. But this phone conversation led to a last “goodbye” and long hours of me crying on my floor of my room in front of my bed with the door closed. We had some contact later, but I started ignoring him, because that was the start of my depression. My heart cut into pieces.