Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > I May Be Blind, But I See More Than You Know
7 - That's the Truth
2 ReviewsWill Lou be stuck in the apartment forever, doomed to die of starvation? Who will save her?
Hey guys, here you go. Sorry it's so short, well, shorter than usual, but I wanted to leave it off in that particular place. Some people may hate me, but... Life goes on, eh?
And wow, 500 views already? I don't know about you, but I think that's a lot...
Anyway, enough of my drabble.
I dimly heard Yankee whine, feeling his wet nose in the palm of my hand. Groaning, I slowly rolled over on the mattress, pressing a hand to my stomach as another wave of hunger swept over me. “Yankee, go ‘way,” I mumbled, pushing his head away. He whined again, louder this time, turning it into a low throated growl when I didn’t respond. “Okay, okay,” I grumbled as he tugged on my shirt with his teeth. Sitting up slowly, I held out a palm, letting Yankee position himself close to me so I could grab his collar. Sliding off the mattress, I landed on my knees heavily, pressing my eyes closed tightly as my head pounded with the drum beat of a headache. With Yankee guiding me, I crawled to the apartment’s bathroom at the pace of a snail. Shakily, I reached up once I was on the cold tiles, heaving myself up with the help of the sink. It had been two days since my parents had driven off and left me. Long enough for me to realise that they had been planning this.
I felt for the glass that was a few inches away from my left hand. Turning the tap on with my right, I filled it up, spilling the cool liquid as I lifted it to my mouth. I drank two glasses before I filled up Yankee’s bowl that had been brought with us. He lapped it up thirstily while I sank to the ground. “Good dog,” I whispered, letting my fingers trail through his furry side. I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. Hunger was constantly gnawing at my stomach. I had eaten all the dry crackers that had been left in the room, and there was nothing left. I was bordering on the edge of dehydration as well, only saved by Yankee dragging me off to the bathroom for drinks every now and then. As if starvation wasn’t enough.
I was sorely tempted to even try some of Yankee’s dog food that had been left, in the hopes that it would stop my body from devouring itself. But I wouldn’t do it; I wouldn’t deprive Yankee of his food.
With a sigh, my best friend laid down beside me, resting his head in my lap. My eyes fluttered and my attention began to wane while my senses became dull. I was fatigued from a lack of food, so much so that I was beginning to wonder if it would be the last time I closed my eyes each time I slept (for lack of a better word).
My mind was becoming a blank canvas and my muscles were starting to relax when I had an epiphany.
My phone.
My eyes immediately flew open and I jerked upwards, startling Yankee. I crawled into the apartment, my words slurring in exclamations of pain as I hit random objects. Minutes later, my hand touched the fabric of my suitcase, which was now lying down. My hands fumbled with various zips, trying to find the right one. This would be so much easier if I could see, I thought numbly, deeply annoyed that I hadn’t thought of my cell phone sooner. But then again, if I could see, I probably wouldn’t be in this situation to start with. Finally, I found the right one.
I shakily unzipped it, my fingers scrabbling through the piled clothes like spiders. I gave a triumphant gasp when they closed around the cold outline of my cell phone. I pulled both the phone and the charger out, sitting back on my heels as a bout of nausea brought on by excitement washed over me. Yankee was immediately at my side, his presence strengthening my will. Placing one hand on the wall, I spent ages searching agonizingly for a power point, and when I finally found one, it was another few minutes before I was able to fit the charger in. I wrapped an arm tight around my middle as my stomach let out a growl, demanding food. The wind chime-like noises that told me my phone was on rang out in the room.
I dropped my phone twice in my effort to make my fingers press the diamond that would connect me through to Chris. Finally, I held the cell phone up to my ear and listened as it rung. The longer it rang, the more convinced I became that he wasn’t going to pick up. At last, he did.
“Lou?”
The sound of my brother’s voice was enough to make me burst into tears.
“Lou? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Chris asked, his voice rising in concern.
“Chris,” I choked out, “I, I just… I need you to come and get me…”
“Okay, calm down,” Chris said, while I clung to Yankee’s ruff. “Where are you?”
“I don’t know!” I cried, his question bringing on a fresh wave of tears as well as frustration. “I-I don’t know – they’ve gone! They went and left me, a-and I don’t freakin’ know!”
My brother was silent for a few seconds. Then he spoke, and I could hear his anger projected through his words. “Lou, listen to me. Take a breath and calm down, okay? I’ll come and find you – I’ll do whatever it takes. I don’t know how long it will be, but I promise you this,” his voice dropped lower, dripping with brotherly emotion, “I will come for you. Okay, Lou? I promise I am going to come for you.”
I took a breath and wiped tears away from my cheeks. “Okay,” I whispered.
Chris sighed loudly. “Is Yankee there with you?” I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see me, then answered in the affirmative when I realised that.
“Good,” was all my brother said. “It’s going to be alright, Lou; I’ll work it out,” he promised. And then he was gone, leaving me sitting hopelessly on my ass with the dial tone beeping in my ear.
But he was coming for me.
***
The time I spent waiting for my brother was all one big haze.
Hours slipped by, but I wasn’t really aware of anything. Three more times Yankee made me go to the bathroom for a drink, and the rest of the time I lay of the floor with my cheek pressed into the rough carpet. I had almost lost consciousness and slipped into a sleep-like state when there was a pounding on the door and my brother’s frantic voice filtered through from outside.
“Lou? Lou! It’s me; I’ve come to get you out!”
Biting back a moan, I raised my head as a lock clicked and the door swung open. My sensitive nose caught the strong waft of food.
“Chris?” I asked groggily.
“Oh my – fucking hell, what happened to you?” my brother cried. The sound came of a plastic bag being dropped and the next thing I knew Chris had dropped to his knees and pulled me to him in a crushing embrace. Hot, salty liquid flowed from my eyes, adding to my headache.
“Shh,” Chris comforted me. “Here, I brought food,” he said, digging around in the plastic bag and pressing a salad roll into my hands. I tore into it hungrily, starvation turning me into a wild animal. Chris kept an arm around me while I devoured the bread roll, using his other to pat Yankee, who was overjoyed to see him.
“Lou,” Chris said quietly when I had swallowed my last mouthful. Already I was starting to feel a little better. “Mom and Dad told me everything.” I froze, hardly believing his words. “They told me how you are always ungrateful to them, after everything they do for you, how you hate them for no reason at all, and how you can be extremely violent towards them. Lou… What the hell’s going on?”
I sat with my mouth agape. Then I started laughing. Of course. Make it seem like I’m the bad guy here. I could feel my brother frowning at me, silently demanding an explanation. When I had finally stopped, I wiped tears of laughter from my cheeks. Even though it wasn’t really that funny.
“You believed that shit?” I asked him incredulously. His gaze of disappointment burned like acid.
“Lou-” he began.
I cut him off. “Chris, Chris, Chris. Good old Chris. You’ve been suckered, you know that? I’m not the one with problems here.” I snorted. “Next time you see them, ask dear Mommy and Daddy for the truth. The real truth.”
“What do you mean?”
I shook my head, pressing my lips together. “I’ve torn this family apart. You were just too, pardon the pun, blind to see it. Don’t you understand? I’m the victim here, not them. But then again, you’re never around, so it’s not like you’d ever find out.”
Chris had gone deadly silent.
“You don’t know what it’s like. To be a disappointment, to be hated because of something you can’t help, to be treated like you’re fucking fragile and could shatter at any moment. You don’t know. Losing one of your senses heightens the others, right? Sometimes I wish I was deaf. So I wouldn’t have to hear them whispering.” I put on a high, falsetto voice, mimicking that of my mother. It would have been comical if not for the severity of the situation. “‘I can’t stand looking at her like that; Maybe we should have sent her away when she became fully blind; She just creeps me out with that vacant stare; She’ll never be able to live life to the full; Such freaky eyes; Why can’t she be more like her brother? Why can’t she see?’ Do you know that three days ago was the first time that dear Dad has touched me in years? Not since he hit me that time. Drew blood, did you know? Ah, but I guess you wouldn’t. You’re always too busy to come and visit. Off jet-setting around the country with your friends, or at college and now you’re on this tour.” I gave a harsh laugh. “If you really looked hard enough, you would have seen how big the cracks in our family are. How fake our loving smiles are when you come and stay. Ignorance is bliss, though, isn’t that what they say?”
The only sound in the room was Yankee’s panting.
“I had no idea,” Chris began, “Why didn’t you-”
“Tell you? And give them another reason to hate me? I don’t think so. Because, come on, we all know that you’d play the role of the caring big brother and be on my side.” I dropped my sarcastic tone. “You were the only thing keeping this family together, Chris. You couldn’t know. If you did… Well. They’d have never forgiven me for taking you away from them.” Standing up, I shook myself free of Chris’ arm. I crashed my way to the apartment door, hitting my shin.
“Lo-”
“Tell me,” I asked quietly. “What does it feel like to be loved?”
I didn’t bother to wait for his answer as I yanked the door open and stumbled out into the cold rain that had begun to fall.
***
Okay, I will admit that it was fucking stupid of me to run off like that.
On my own.
Without Yankee.
It was the first time I had ever been truly alone, and it scared the shit out of me.
I had to rely on strangers to help me cross the road. I had to trail my hand along the wall of the building I was walking next to. I had to rely on every single sense other than sight and I was this close from having a panic attack.
Add that to the fact that it was raining… My life was just great at the moment, thanks for asking. Note the heavy sarcasm.
I tripped and fell for the hundredth time, landing hard on all fours. Crying out in desperation, I hung my head, feeling the tears well in my eyes. It seemed like I’d been doing a lot of crying recently. I didn’t tell myself to toughen up. It was shit advice and it had gotten me nowhere. I made a mental note to tell Ryan that when I next saw him. If I ever saw the band again.
There was no point in getting up again, only to fall back down, so I crawled along through the muck of the sidewalk, turning down what must have been an alleyway. My clothes were soaked through and I wished I had Yankee to cuddle up to.
I stopped about what must have been halfway down. The dizziness and nausea were coming back with a vengeance, as well as fatigue. While the salad roll had done wonders, it would take a lot more than that before my hunger was satisfied.
Resting my head back against a wall, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I shivered. If anything, the rain seemed to be getting heavier. Great. I gave a small sneeze, feeling the cold seep into my bones.
“Lou!”
I started with a jerk. Had I imagined that or did someone really call my name? Chris had probably sent out a search party for me by now. Hell, I didn’t even know the name of the city we were in.
“Lou!”
Yes, that was definitely my name. Someone was looking for me. My chattering teeth prevented me from answering, and I would have done anything to be inside in front of a radiator right now.
“Lou! Jon, down here!”
Jon? Wait, the only Jon I knew was-
“Thank God we found you; Chris has been worried sick!” Jon said as a splashing of footsteps alerted me to the presence of two people. I looked up, still shivering.
“J-Jon?”
“It’s okay, Lou. You’re safe,” he said, kneeling down beside me. I heard Brendon in the background, who must have been talking on his phone. “Ryan? Yeah we found her; she’s with Jon and me at the minute… We’ll bring her back with us… You’ll tell Chris? Great, we’ll meet you and Spence back there, then…”
“Jon!” I croaked, throwing my arms around him and giving him a hug. I was just so happy that I wasn’t lost forever and doomed to die alone in a cold alleyway. I’d never thought I’d be so glad to see… be in the company of Jon and Brendon. Something warm – a blanket, or a sweater – was wrapped around my shoulders and I let myself be lifted into Jon’s arms as he carried me out of the alleyway with Brendon in tow.
Yay for Jon Walker! I know, I'm weird but hey. If I wasn't weird, you wouldn't be reading this story right now. If you're wondering about Spencer and Ryan, they'll come back in the next chapter. I just thought I'd use Brendon and Jon since I kinda neglected them in a previous chapter.
And yeah, I know her running off like that was kinda unbelievable when she's freakin' blind, but it's called fiction for a reason, yeah??
Review and rate, my wonderful readers! XD
And wow, 500 views already? I don't know about you, but I think that's a lot...
Anyway, enough of my drabble.
I dimly heard Yankee whine, feeling his wet nose in the palm of my hand. Groaning, I slowly rolled over on the mattress, pressing a hand to my stomach as another wave of hunger swept over me. “Yankee, go ‘way,” I mumbled, pushing his head away. He whined again, louder this time, turning it into a low throated growl when I didn’t respond. “Okay, okay,” I grumbled as he tugged on my shirt with his teeth. Sitting up slowly, I held out a palm, letting Yankee position himself close to me so I could grab his collar. Sliding off the mattress, I landed on my knees heavily, pressing my eyes closed tightly as my head pounded with the drum beat of a headache. With Yankee guiding me, I crawled to the apartment’s bathroom at the pace of a snail. Shakily, I reached up once I was on the cold tiles, heaving myself up with the help of the sink. It had been two days since my parents had driven off and left me. Long enough for me to realise that they had been planning this.
I felt for the glass that was a few inches away from my left hand. Turning the tap on with my right, I filled it up, spilling the cool liquid as I lifted it to my mouth. I drank two glasses before I filled up Yankee’s bowl that had been brought with us. He lapped it up thirstily while I sank to the ground. “Good dog,” I whispered, letting my fingers trail through his furry side. I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes. Hunger was constantly gnawing at my stomach. I had eaten all the dry crackers that had been left in the room, and there was nothing left. I was bordering on the edge of dehydration as well, only saved by Yankee dragging me off to the bathroom for drinks every now and then. As if starvation wasn’t enough.
I was sorely tempted to even try some of Yankee’s dog food that had been left, in the hopes that it would stop my body from devouring itself. But I wouldn’t do it; I wouldn’t deprive Yankee of his food.
With a sigh, my best friend laid down beside me, resting his head in my lap. My eyes fluttered and my attention began to wane while my senses became dull. I was fatigued from a lack of food, so much so that I was beginning to wonder if it would be the last time I closed my eyes each time I slept (for lack of a better word).
My mind was becoming a blank canvas and my muscles were starting to relax when I had an epiphany.
My phone.
My eyes immediately flew open and I jerked upwards, startling Yankee. I crawled into the apartment, my words slurring in exclamations of pain as I hit random objects. Minutes later, my hand touched the fabric of my suitcase, which was now lying down. My hands fumbled with various zips, trying to find the right one. This would be so much easier if I could see, I thought numbly, deeply annoyed that I hadn’t thought of my cell phone sooner. But then again, if I could see, I probably wouldn’t be in this situation to start with. Finally, I found the right one.
I shakily unzipped it, my fingers scrabbling through the piled clothes like spiders. I gave a triumphant gasp when they closed around the cold outline of my cell phone. I pulled both the phone and the charger out, sitting back on my heels as a bout of nausea brought on by excitement washed over me. Yankee was immediately at my side, his presence strengthening my will. Placing one hand on the wall, I spent ages searching agonizingly for a power point, and when I finally found one, it was another few minutes before I was able to fit the charger in. I wrapped an arm tight around my middle as my stomach let out a growl, demanding food. The wind chime-like noises that told me my phone was on rang out in the room.
I dropped my phone twice in my effort to make my fingers press the diamond that would connect me through to Chris. Finally, I held the cell phone up to my ear and listened as it rung. The longer it rang, the more convinced I became that he wasn’t going to pick up. At last, he did.
“Lou?”
The sound of my brother’s voice was enough to make me burst into tears.
“Lou? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Chris asked, his voice rising in concern.
“Chris,” I choked out, “I, I just… I need you to come and get me…”
“Okay, calm down,” Chris said, while I clung to Yankee’s ruff. “Where are you?”
“I don’t know!” I cried, his question bringing on a fresh wave of tears as well as frustration. “I-I don’t know – they’ve gone! They went and left me, a-and I don’t freakin’ know!”
My brother was silent for a few seconds. Then he spoke, and I could hear his anger projected through his words. “Lou, listen to me. Take a breath and calm down, okay? I’ll come and find you – I’ll do whatever it takes. I don’t know how long it will be, but I promise you this,” his voice dropped lower, dripping with brotherly emotion, “I will come for you. Okay, Lou? I promise I am going to come for you.”
I took a breath and wiped tears away from my cheeks. “Okay,” I whispered.
Chris sighed loudly. “Is Yankee there with you?” I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see me, then answered in the affirmative when I realised that.
“Good,” was all my brother said. “It’s going to be alright, Lou; I’ll work it out,” he promised. And then he was gone, leaving me sitting hopelessly on my ass with the dial tone beeping in my ear.
But he was coming for me.
***
The time I spent waiting for my brother was all one big haze.
Hours slipped by, but I wasn’t really aware of anything. Three more times Yankee made me go to the bathroom for a drink, and the rest of the time I lay of the floor with my cheek pressed into the rough carpet. I had almost lost consciousness and slipped into a sleep-like state when there was a pounding on the door and my brother’s frantic voice filtered through from outside.
“Lou? Lou! It’s me; I’ve come to get you out!”
Biting back a moan, I raised my head as a lock clicked and the door swung open. My sensitive nose caught the strong waft of food.
“Chris?” I asked groggily.
“Oh my – fucking hell, what happened to you?” my brother cried. The sound came of a plastic bag being dropped and the next thing I knew Chris had dropped to his knees and pulled me to him in a crushing embrace. Hot, salty liquid flowed from my eyes, adding to my headache.
“Shh,” Chris comforted me. “Here, I brought food,” he said, digging around in the plastic bag and pressing a salad roll into my hands. I tore into it hungrily, starvation turning me into a wild animal. Chris kept an arm around me while I devoured the bread roll, using his other to pat Yankee, who was overjoyed to see him.
“Lou,” Chris said quietly when I had swallowed my last mouthful. Already I was starting to feel a little better. “Mom and Dad told me everything.” I froze, hardly believing his words. “They told me how you are always ungrateful to them, after everything they do for you, how you hate them for no reason at all, and how you can be extremely violent towards them. Lou… What the hell’s going on?”
I sat with my mouth agape. Then I started laughing. Of course. Make it seem like I’m the bad guy here. I could feel my brother frowning at me, silently demanding an explanation. When I had finally stopped, I wiped tears of laughter from my cheeks. Even though it wasn’t really that funny.
“You believed that shit?” I asked him incredulously. His gaze of disappointment burned like acid.
“Lou-” he began.
I cut him off. “Chris, Chris, Chris. Good old Chris. You’ve been suckered, you know that? I’m not the one with problems here.” I snorted. “Next time you see them, ask dear Mommy and Daddy for the truth. The real truth.”
“What do you mean?”
I shook my head, pressing my lips together. “I’ve torn this family apart. You were just too, pardon the pun, blind to see it. Don’t you understand? I’m the victim here, not them. But then again, you’re never around, so it’s not like you’d ever find out.”
Chris had gone deadly silent.
“You don’t know what it’s like. To be a disappointment, to be hated because of something you can’t help, to be treated like you’re fucking fragile and could shatter at any moment. You don’t know. Losing one of your senses heightens the others, right? Sometimes I wish I was deaf. So I wouldn’t have to hear them whispering.” I put on a high, falsetto voice, mimicking that of my mother. It would have been comical if not for the severity of the situation. “‘I can’t stand looking at her like that; Maybe we should have sent her away when she became fully blind; She just creeps me out with that vacant stare; She’ll never be able to live life to the full; Such freaky eyes; Why can’t she be more like her brother? Why can’t she see?’ Do you know that three days ago was the first time that dear Dad has touched me in years? Not since he hit me that time. Drew blood, did you know? Ah, but I guess you wouldn’t. You’re always too busy to come and visit. Off jet-setting around the country with your friends, or at college and now you’re on this tour.” I gave a harsh laugh. “If you really looked hard enough, you would have seen how big the cracks in our family are. How fake our loving smiles are when you come and stay. Ignorance is bliss, though, isn’t that what they say?”
The only sound in the room was Yankee’s panting.
“I had no idea,” Chris began, “Why didn’t you-”
“Tell you? And give them another reason to hate me? I don’t think so. Because, come on, we all know that you’d play the role of the caring big brother and be on my side.” I dropped my sarcastic tone. “You were the only thing keeping this family together, Chris. You couldn’t know. If you did… Well. They’d have never forgiven me for taking you away from them.” Standing up, I shook myself free of Chris’ arm. I crashed my way to the apartment door, hitting my shin.
“Lo-”
“Tell me,” I asked quietly. “What does it feel like to be loved?”
I didn’t bother to wait for his answer as I yanked the door open and stumbled out into the cold rain that had begun to fall.
***
Okay, I will admit that it was fucking stupid of me to run off like that.
On my own.
Without Yankee.
It was the first time I had ever been truly alone, and it scared the shit out of me.
I had to rely on strangers to help me cross the road. I had to trail my hand along the wall of the building I was walking next to. I had to rely on every single sense other than sight and I was this close from having a panic attack.
Add that to the fact that it was raining… My life was just great at the moment, thanks for asking. Note the heavy sarcasm.
I tripped and fell for the hundredth time, landing hard on all fours. Crying out in desperation, I hung my head, feeling the tears well in my eyes. It seemed like I’d been doing a lot of crying recently. I didn’t tell myself to toughen up. It was shit advice and it had gotten me nowhere. I made a mental note to tell Ryan that when I next saw him. If I ever saw the band again.
There was no point in getting up again, only to fall back down, so I crawled along through the muck of the sidewalk, turning down what must have been an alleyway. My clothes were soaked through and I wished I had Yankee to cuddle up to.
I stopped about what must have been halfway down. The dizziness and nausea were coming back with a vengeance, as well as fatigue. While the salad roll had done wonders, it would take a lot more than that before my hunger was satisfied.
Resting my head back against a wall, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I shivered. If anything, the rain seemed to be getting heavier. Great. I gave a small sneeze, feeling the cold seep into my bones.
“Lou!”
I started with a jerk. Had I imagined that or did someone really call my name? Chris had probably sent out a search party for me by now. Hell, I didn’t even know the name of the city we were in.
“Lou!”
Yes, that was definitely my name. Someone was looking for me. My chattering teeth prevented me from answering, and I would have done anything to be inside in front of a radiator right now.
“Lou! Jon, down here!”
Jon? Wait, the only Jon I knew was-
“Thank God we found you; Chris has been worried sick!” Jon said as a splashing of footsteps alerted me to the presence of two people. I looked up, still shivering.
“J-Jon?”
“It’s okay, Lou. You’re safe,” he said, kneeling down beside me. I heard Brendon in the background, who must have been talking on his phone. “Ryan? Yeah we found her; she’s with Jon and me at the minute… We’ll bring her back with us… You’ll tell Chris? Great, we’ll meet you and Spence back there, then…”
“Jon!” I croaked, throwing my arms around him and giving him a hug. I was just so happy that I wasn’t lost forever and doomed to die alone in a cold alleyway. I’d never thought I’d be so glad to see… be in the company of Jon and Brendon. Something warm – a blanket, or a sweater – was wrapped around my shoulders and I let myself be lifted into Jon’s arms as he carried me out of the alleyway with Brendon in tow.
Yay for Jon Walker! I know, I'm weird but hey. If I wasn't weird, you wouldn't be reading this story right now. If you're wondering about Spencer and Ryan, they'll come back in the next chapter. I just thought I'd use Brendon and Jon since I kinda neglected them in a previous chapter.
And yeah, I know her running off like that was kinda unbelievable when she's freakin' blind, but it's called fiction for a reason, yeah??
Review and rate, my wonderful readers! XD
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