I had to split it into two videos, or it woulda been like half an hours long.
Part Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyBQBG2-m0c&feature=youtu.be
The Hoodie by StormVandal
A pretty typical Frerard.
Premise: Gerard has a hoodie (THE hoodie, as we’re told at least sixty seven times) that he always gives to whoever he’s dating. He gives it to Frank one day cuz Frank arrives at the Way house freezing before they walk to school. All day, everybody and their brother’s prostitute’s mother in law is like “ZOMG ITS THE HOODIE. FRANK AND GEE ARE DATING.” The pair deny it all day, and all we know is that Frank was upset to admit it, because he secretly loved Gerard (didn’t see that one coming, did we?). In the end, it comes to light that Gerard actually gave Frank the hoodie because he wanted Frank to be his. Andtheyalllivehappilyeverafter.
Criticism: The style is very typical; it’s like a million other I’ve read. It’s not a bad fic, but it doesn’t exactly grab me by the hypothetical lady-balls and pull me into the story enough for me to give it a higher rating. It was Frerard fluff.
Tickling by CosmicZombie
Premise: Frank has a tickling-Gerard fetish. Original, I suppose. A decent portion of the fic is dedicated to describing the characters.
Criticism: The style is…you trying too hard for that witty-worded narrator thing. Or maybe I’m just being picky today. Instead of it coming off as you’ve got a wide vocabulary, to me it was like “Oh…she’s certainly got her thesaurus handy.” Well-rounded characters, though. Good sentence variety. I guess the only thing that’s bothering me is the style. I dunno.
Pikachu and the Vampire by FeckingSkitzo
Premise: “look at me, I’m Frank, I’m fucking gay as crystal meth-fueled daisy-fetishist unicorn sex. It’s Halloween, I’m Pikachu, we’re gonna go trick or treating and watch a scary movie and yeah, Gerard and I end up together in the end, bitch!!!!1111one”
Criticism: the tense keeps shifting back and forth. -__- The paragraphing is strange. Very sloppily written. There’s no real plot, which is irksome. It’s got potential, though. Not all hope is lost. Just spend some more time observing others’ writing and practicing. You’ll get there.
Rebel Love Song by bvbrocks
Well, I actually have only heard of Black Veil Brides, maybe listened to two songs (I think they’re the screamo equivalent of an 80’s hair metal band…blech). Also, a girl I despise is head over heels in love with them (again, blech.) But I didn’t let this affect how I read the fic (I’m a very open-minded individual).
Premise: GerardxAndy are in love with each other, but “Oh, he couldn’t possibly love me, blush blush”. They confide in Mikey and Ashley respectively, who tell each other. Finally there’s a tell-tale game of spin the bottle and Gerandy kiss, become bf\bf. And then… A Wild Angry Frank appeared! Wild Angry Frank used Jealousy! It’s not very effective… Jamia, used Brutal Degrading and Rape on Wild Angry Frank! It was super effective! Sorry, got carried away. All Pokémon humor aside, Frank slowly begins to spiral out of control with his depression and whatnot, although Ashley and him have chemistry Frank’s ignoring. Poor Frankie, oh so in love with Gerard. =(
Criticism: Chapters are really short. If you rewrite the story, perhaps you could lengthen them (or even add a few of them together?) The rapid POV shifts are annoying. Just take a few hours to switch it all into third person omniscient, or just do it from where you’re at onward. The content’s really good, though. And just another thought, if you would split up the paragraphs from one giant hunk of stuff into shorter ones (the basic concept of knowing where paragraphs split: 1) when a new idea begins, 2) when the speaker changes, 3) if you’re going to emphasize something, put it in a paragraph by itself [use this sparingly]).
The Broken, the Beaten, and the Damned by TheLittleSInner
Premise: You’ve got some strippers. The first character that’s introduced is Raven, as she contemplates how everyone is perceived, how everyone always either makes assumptions or is wrong about someone else. Then in the second part (of two so far), you’ve got Ember, (I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian) who is all pissy bout some guys whistling at her as she walks to work (da strip club, yo) and then there’s some interaction with her and her co-workers and manager.
Criticism: First things first, this was some poetic-ass shit. I ain’t gonna lie. I’ve read and re-read the opening chapter probably seven times now. I love it. I really do. The paragraphs are a little weird, but that’s just part of your style. It’s got a real flow to it. You put just enough content in there to keep the story moving, but enough of the higher-thinking stuff to keep me captivated. Don’t let it get to your head, kid, but this is a damned good piece you’ve got here. You could definitely do some longer chapters though, as long as the quality keeps. Good job.
Pie by CatscanFlyy
Premise: Gerard’s gonna fail school if he doesn’t make a pie for the bake sale. Mikey’s scary. Frank is a bit of a cunt. Mikey’s got an evil girlfriend (this seems to be a trend....).
Criticism: Well, it’s got damned good humor in it, once you get past the garish grammar. The plot is slightly lacking, but all the intent is to be humorous, so people can just get over that. The humor is what drives it. I highly recommend getting someone to beta read for you, because this shit could be the brightest motherfucking snowflake ever.
Based solely on humor and plot: 8.9/10
Including grammar: 5/10
Life is Full of False Hopes by Wicked_Lovely
Panic! Fic, with a little bit of the guys from ATL (I think?)
Premise: Brendon has just watched his family die in a car accident. He’s being sent to live with his evil aunt and uncle. He’s been cutting himself for a while now, also been making money whoring himself out. Well, his life keeps getting worse and worse, and he ends up in juvie and shit for dope in his pocket, gets switched to a new foster home (since his uncle stabbed him and tried to kill him), which starts off going great, but then the foster father gets all sexually abusive and shit. Oh, and then there’s a part (I’m not even telling this shit in order) where Brenny become bf/bf with whatshisface from ATL and shit, who turns out to be a cunt. And before all that, Brendon makes friends with a flowerchild granny lady named Comet. Sorry, deviating so badly. Brendon makes friends in Spencer, Jon, and Ryan (well, RyRo is a special case, I’ll get to that in a second) throughout all this. Spence and Jon are easier for Brendon to figure out, but B just can’t put his finger on what’s wrong with ole RyRo. Ryan just escapes him; he’s mysterious and not much has been revealed about him, but there’s some major hinting that he’s got some issues. It’s a complex story. X3
Criticism: All the characters are well-rounded, and interesting. The plot is original, yet familiar enough to be able to gather a cult following (I’m a member of said cult now, HOLLA!) There are a few commonly misused / misspelled words, and the paragraphs aren’t double spaced, but by god, this is a damned good story. I don’t really have any negative things to say about it. A thoroughly enjoyable fic thus far (it’s so complex, I’m practically fangirling asdfghjkl;’), and I hope you find inspiration to keep on trucking with it.
Blood-Stained Innocence by missfunghoul57
Premise: In a seemingly-perfect town, Eva walks by the Way mansion and gets the feeling of being drawn in by it and then some guys in dark clothes come out (presumably MCR). Later at school, she sees one of them (probably Gerard), who then rescues her from some creeper and takes her to god-knows-where (most likely the Way mansion) and the story is cut off there.
Criticism: Too many minute details for my liking. It’s a little slow, but I understand that; it’s just the beginning, after all. Nothing wrong with the grammar or spelling that I noticed (a maybe a misplaced comma or two, but that’s at the most). It’s just a bit dry.
Blind Ambition by c-o-c-a-i-n-e
Satan in Hell, the crossing over in this fic. A7x, FOB, PATD, CS, MCR, and The Used (with MSI and GC to come, apparently?
Premise: In this alternate universe, Frank is 17 and a pyro (you people have an obsession with pyromania) and Gerard a 23yo blind man (another obsession! What the feck!). Frank is friends with that Zacky guy from A7x and Bob Bryar, there’s a party (thrown by Saporta) coming up. Frank has a huge crush on Jamia, who ends up cheating on him with McCracken (after Frank and Jamia being together for like two days). Before this, Frank meets Gerard, doesn’t realize he’s blind, acts like a dick, feels bad when he realizes he’s blind. Frank’s mom invites Gerard over for dinner, and they (Frank and Gerard) chat. After breaking McCracken’s nose for making out with Jamia, Frank goes to the junk yard and lights shit on fire. For breaking his nose, Frank’s punishment is to help Gerard at his bookshop.
Criticism: Tenses get mixed up in places, which annoys the hell outta me. The fic is entertaining, but my suggestion to you try not to overwhelm yourself with too many characters. You’re doing a decent job so far, but it can get overwhelming. You’re not a bad writer, though. You’ve got a good handle on balancing content and style.
Ad-dic-tion by dollypin
Premise: Gerard is in the hospital because of drugs, I guess. Has a dream. He’s disappointed Frank.
Criticism: Bad spelling, nothing really happens. Sure, the idea has potential, but because the author left the site, we’ll never know.
And I’d like to bring to everyone’s attention that I will no longer accept submissions of an entire author. I don’t read all their stories when I critique them; just one. I don’t like having to decide based on summaries or ratings or shortness (I’m a lazy fuck and I’ll likely read the shortest damn oneshot on their page if you don’t point me in the right direction).
The Mother War Series by AdnarimSmada
Mother War -- http://ficwad.com/story/160390
Premise: Annette is your typical (albeit slightly arrogant) history geek, as well as singer in a band. She also tends to have a knack for falling asleep and winding up in the First World War. Celebrity cameos are made.
Criticism: The tone is very holier-than-thou and annoyed me a bit. Run-on sentences in places. Some commonly mixed up words. A misspelling or two. The transitions from present to past and back are kinda weird, but not torturous. The celebrity appearance at the end had the ten-year-old me fangirling out so hard (which is odd, because it’s a story, and I’m usually cool with celebrities appearing in stories [hence my fan fiction writing]). A bit short; a lot of content was packed into only, like, thirteen chapters. But an ace job, nonetheless.
Beside You in Time -- http://ficwad.com/story/174293
(The fangirl in me must do this to you. In chapter one, I saw this and about screamed. You put:
Edgar AllEn Poe.
It is actually: Edgar AllAn Poe.
That is all.)
Premise: Now that they’re 21, Annette and her band (including her boyfriend Marek) are rockstars and stuff and on the night of Marek’s 21st birthday, the couple is thrust into the era of World War nummer zwei during drunkenness. And my guess is that they will continue to pop up in WWII-related events if dearest AdnarimSmada would ever fecking update. -__0
Criticism: There’s only three actual chapters (you’re a fucking AN whore, AdnarimSmada, I swear to god), but they’re written well. The superior tone has been taken down a bit. I love your sex scene in this. It feels so fecking awkward. XD I love it, though. Nothing really negative (minus the misspelling of my dearest Poe’s second surname) to say about it, although I’m not a huge history geek, to be completely honest. =x
If you know your history: 8.4/10
If you know nothing of history: 6/10
If you know a little history (like me): 7.9
Also, guys, don't forget to nominate your favorite author (me, of course!!!....not really x3) and your favorite poet for a Waddy. =) email TheAwesomeAuthors@gmail.com to nominate (one nomination per category, please)
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