It was like a waterfall. Things move quickly, some staying in the dark, others in the light.
I sat down next to him, and he glared at me, flicking the ash off of his cigarette before putting it back between his lips.
"Spencer, are you okay?" this was probably one of the only times I had ever asked him that. We didn't talk about our feelings often. Most of the time we pretended that everything was fine, or we would do reckless things to get our minds off of it. But he was worrying me, so I had to ask.
He looked forward, taking a drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke out slowly before answering.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Spencer spoke slowly, pronouncing each syllable calculatedly to make me feel like I was in the wrong.
"What are you talking about?" he glared at me, shaking his head.
"Ross, how often do you ignore me when I need you? How often do you make yourself the center of attention when you don't deserve it? You're a fucking asshole, and I want nothing to do with you." He stood, flicking his cancer stick to the ground stepping on it to put it out as he talked. "I hope you're fucking happy." and with that he walked away. I stayed still for a moment, completely dumbfounded and not sure what to do. I wanted to go after him, to fight with him until we settled whatever mess I had accidentally made, but was stopped when Brendon sat in front of me.
He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. I would deal with Spencer later, he could wait. And I could get him to tell me what was wrong, and I could explain what's new with me, but not when Brendon's around. There's something about him, something that manages to block out the rest of the world; All that's left is him, and me.
"I was thinking we could spend some time together tonight." I grinned at his words.
"What time?" He pulled his lips into an irresistible smile, and I felt a chill run up my spine, a yearning to have them against my own. To feel his skin on my fingertips, his warmth against my own. I wanted nothing more than to be close to him.
"How about once the sun goes down?" He had a playful smirk on his face, making him all the more irresistible. I looked around us to make sure no one was looking before leaning over the table to kiss him. He laughed, standing up and grabbing my arm. He dragged me over to a brick wall on the side of the school where no kids were allowed, pushing me against it. He took both of my wrists, and from there it was just lips against lips in a desperate attempt to get closer, to feel each others warmth.
His tongue slid across my bottom lip, his body moving closer. I allowed him to slip his tongue in, battling it for dominance before giving up and letting him win. He moved his lips away from mine, moving them down my neck in an attempt to find my weak spot. It didn't take long, and when I gave in to the feeling of his breath against it I let out a soft moan, which was more than enough encouragement for him to continue. He licked the spot, biting it playfully before sucking on it, getting a moan from me before he lapped his tongue over it again. Happy with the mark he gave me, he kissed it gently.
He pulled back, letting go of my wrists while staring at me with a content smile. "Break starts this Friday, what do you say to spending some time together the first day?" I reached out, hooking my thumbs on his belt loops to pull his hips closer to my own, moving my head next to his so I could whisper in his ear.
"And what would we be doing?" I could feel him shiver at my words, moving closer as he let out a shaky breathe.
"God, whatever you want." I smiled, pressing a kiss to the skin on his neck before letting him go.
"Where are we meeting tonight?" He grinned, pressing his forehead against mine.
"Right here." I laughed a little and he moved back. "So I'll see you then?"
"Of course." He grinned, giving me a quick kiss before walking off. I stayed still, trying to figure it out. Trying to figure him out. The encounters we had weren't normal, there was always something…off about them. They just seemed to happen, without thought or meaning, but they made me want to spend more time with him, to get closer.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair, pushing Brendon to the back of my mind as I went out on a search for Spencer. I headed straight for the park, knowing that he would be there walking towards it for about five minutes before stopping. If he was truly upset with me, he wouldn't go somewhere I could easily find him. I bit my lip, debating my next move. I turned around, walking in the direction of a small diner that we used to go to a lot when we were younger.
It was a small place, hidden behind a theater and next to a bar. There were never many people in it; drunks looking for a cheap meal at midnight and the occasional kids that would have drinks before slipping off to the back to have sex. Naturally, Spencer stood out. Sitting in the back booth, staring out the window with tired eyes, coffee in hand. I smiled to myself, knowing that it wouldn't be a pleasant affair, but that it would have to be done. I didn't want to lose him. I sat across from him in the booth, and he glared at me.
"Hi." I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and my lighter, tapping one out and lighting it as Spencer talked.
"What are you doing here?" He really wasn't happy to see me. I sighed, shaking my head, putting the cigarette between my lips to take a short drag.
"I came to apologize." He kept his angry face, though his eyes looked somewhat shocked and surprised. "I know that you've been going through a lot and I haven't exactly..been there for you."
He took my cigarette from between my fingers, leaning back in his booth, relaxing as he blew smoke out slowly. "Nice bite mark." I reached up to where Brendon had bit me earlier and he sighed, tapping ash off onto a small plate. "You've obviously been busy. It's that girl, isn't it?"
"Something like that." He nodded, inhaling more smoke. He blew the smoke out slowly, casually, like he was trying to prove something. "You have the right to see her, you know." He looked at me, tapping ash off once more.
"I guess." His voice was soft, weak almost. He looked away, staring back out the window to the winding streets outside. "I just want her to die knowing that her big brother loves her." There was the glimmer of a tear in his eyes, his hands shaking as he brought the cancer stick back up to his lips. It made me realize just how big this was to him. How important it was to have this one thing happen, and I hated his parents for not allowing it, the doctors who couldn't prevent it, and how oblivious I was to it all.
"Let's go see her." He looked at me, brows furrowed.
"We can't." I laughed a little.
"Like that's ever stopped us before." He grinned, though his sadness still slipped through the cracks, making it look almost forced. I stood, holding out my hand for him to take. "Come on, let's go see your little sister." He took it, putting the cigarette out on the plate, and we were off in another direction.
Spencer was a nervous wreck, pacing as I left to get the information for him. He sat on the floor of the elevator, knee bouncing as I watched with a worried eye. I had never seen him like this before. Out of all of the reckless things we had done, the countless acts of mindlessness, this is what gets to him? I sat down next to him, staring for a moment before pulling him into a hug.
"It's going to be fine, I promise." He was quite for a moment, before whispering the most pathetic words I had ever heard him speak.
"What if she doesn't want to see me?"
"Spencer, of course she wants to see you. Your here big brother." He nodded and we went back to silence.
I waited outside of the thick brick door of her room. Apparently their father wasn't even there at the moment, and Spencer's mother was amazed that he wanted to see her, making me think that it was his father who didn't want him to see her. I watched the nurses come up and down the hall, some of them giving me questioning glances, but none spoke a word. I waited for the time to pass, not knowing what would come next. Like most of life.
It was like a waterfall. Things move quickly, some staying in the dark, others in the light. Every moment in time, every person that you meet, each individual drops rushing towards the same goal; moving as one steady stream. Over the rocks and to the tides below. Most of them just don't know it yet.
The door opened and out walked Spencer, looking like he was barley holding on. He looked at me with his sad blue eyes before walking off. I followed; he was worrying me, every little movement and action, it just wasn't him. He pushed the door to the stairwell open, and I followed after, watching him drop on a step, head falling into his hands as his body started to shake. I sat down next to him, and he leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around him, and he cried, holding onto me like a lifeline.
We stayed like that for a while, before he pulled away, wiping the tears from his eyes, shaking his head. "She was happy to see me." He tried to smile, his body still shaking slightly. "She was waiting to see me before dying." He breathed out. We stayed there, sitting in the silence of the dusty and dirt filled stairwell. It stayed that way for who knows how long, before Spencer spoke again.
"So when am I going to meet her?" I looked at him questioningly, and he pointed at the mark on my neck. My hand went up to it once more, wrapping around it, holding it to keep it warm.
"Spence, it's Brendon." He stared, brows knitted together. "The girl, she's not a girl at all. I'm dating a boy." His eyes widened, and a sickening feeling came on me. His face contorted to one of disgust as soon as it sank in for him, and he stood.
"You have got to be kidding me. You want to fuck a guy? That's sick Ry." I looked down, because I couldn't stand to face the hatred that was stored in his features. "I can't believe- God, just stay away from me. Got it? Stay. The. Fuck. Away." He started to walk down the steps, muttering about how I was a faggot as he went.
I didn't go after him. I couldn't. I thought- Something told me that telling him the truth would be best. But now, maybe not. That would be twice in one day that I've lost my best friend, and this time, I don't think I'm getting him back.
I stayed on the step, paralyzed with that final realization.
It's a waterfall.
So I can feel a waterfall.
I guess things can only go downhill from here. I can only hope that people will like it anyway.
AnotherKinfeInMyHand: Impending doom is a bit of an understatement. But we'll get there when we get there. And yeah, they are kind of adorable.
TheAnonymous: I have the tendency to make things heartbreaking. And everyone feels bad for Spencer at this point. At least, I think so. Maybe not. Accepting old people is something not so common from what I've noticed. That could just be where I live, but I could be wrong.
MySuicideInSilence: It was a clam chapter. Unfortunately, it's always calm before the storm. Ignoring them might be good, but it's going to happen eventually no matter what. Anyway, I hope you can like it despite what's bound to happen.
Thank you, I hadn't even realized I had a style.