Maybe I am mentally insane... Maybe not. All I know is that they will pay. Whether it be by karma or by my own hands. (Mikey/Alicia)
Until I found a little, thick black book resting near a deserted area of the park.
Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. "Alicia, why not return it to the owner? Try to locate some page with the address!" well, wouldn't you want to read it first and then return it? I mean, curiosity killed the cat. The cat was bored, so it became curious. So initially, boredom killed the cat. And right now, I'm dying of boredom, so what will a little curiosity do to me?
At first, I wanted to read it right then and there, but I was afraid people would notice. So, like any other person would do, I went straight home with the book and locked the door to my bedroom. Now, my mind is crawling with the possibilities of what might be in that book. Is it something personal? Is it a simple task book? Maybe it's one of those books where people write exactly what they do and what time, like the popular skinny girls at school with their food and calorie intake journals or the popular guys with their special books about which girls they banged and how they were like.
Maybe I am thinking this too hard. It could just be a simple journal. All the possibilities will end once I open it. Okay, Alicia, deep breath and...
Micheal "Mikey" James Way.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a name.
First Day of School: I'm pretty excited. And Nervous. And antsy. Whatever it is, I feel it. Gerard says I'm gonna be okay and school will be perfect with me. He even said that I would get along well with people. I hope so. I'm not exactly the most good-looking or the most athletic. I guess it all depends what happens today or the next two weeks.
I giggle. This is exactly how I felt when I first started school, too, whether it be my second year of middle school to my third year of high school. And I'm guessing this Gerard might be his dad or his older brother. Wait, scratch that. It could be his stepdad or his brother, no one really calls their blood father by their first name. Anywaaayyyysss, read on!
Liar. He lied to me. School isn't like the way Gee told me it would be. But why would he lie to me... Why?! Even now, as I sit here with my tears flowing freely down my face and onto this sheet of paper, the same question is running on through my mind.
I have to admit, the first three days were okay. People were nice and they talked to me. I had a couple of people to sit with at lunch thanks to Gerard's help. But noe, I'm sitting here alone. In an empty janitors' closet. But I'm not in here because I want to be, I'm in here because of the stupid fucking Jocks. They love to pick on weak people. And I just so happen to be the weakest kid here in the entire school. A six year old girl could beat ke up and send me to the hospital for god's sakes! I hope and pray this is just a little phase and the jocks will leave me alone. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, I SEE A COFFEE MACHINE. maybe this is a silent blessing in disguise. I won't say it out loud, but right now, I'm kind of happy I'm locked up in here with my bookbag, this book, and a coffee machine. I will now deem this area "Mikey's secret lair." maybe day by day, I can add some of my favorite things in here. It'll be the perfect quiet place I need for when I need to stop and think. Maybe contemplate World peace. Anyways, the more I write, the more I delay myself from drinking heaven in a cup. So I guess I'll be writing later.
I smile sympathetically. I've seen stupid jocks torture Poor innocent being around my school. It absolutely sickens me to death, but I can't do anything about it. I may not be one of those girls who are extremely popular, but I am on the list of "most known girls". I also had my little clique. Not that I don't like them, I absolutely adore them, but they sometimes have these nasty little habits and quirks that I deem extremely annoying and not nice. But I don't want robe the girl who gets bullied. No one wants that.
I turn the page and see some slight, dark red, almost Aubergine, little trails on the paper. Maybe it's pen... But pens don't come in that dark a color. I shudder as the realization hits me: it's his blood. Mikey's. Not only that, but they seem to spell out a word.
"Fuck Up" "Die"
I shudder. This poor kid. School must be hard for him. I read the page after the bloodstained one.
At times I just want to die. All of these emotions are choking my life, barely letting me breathe. But no one sees this. No one really does anyways. Who would want to see a teenage boy in agony? It's just a phase, they would say. People would stick me with that horrible, misunderstood word "emo". And they would just laugh at me. Plus, I'm too good at hiding my emotions, I have a pretty failproof pokerface. Not even Gerard can see through it. But I wonder.
What would life be like without the teasing, bullying, and pain? Would it be enough? Or am I not good enough for that? Does God exist? And if he does, what kind of hypocrite just sits there on his lazy ass and not help?! The fucking Hypocrite.
I'm tired. I honestly just want to die. Or maybe I want everyone in Belleville High School to die. That seems like a fair enough price. After all, I am invisible. No one really notices the tall, skinny guy who keeps quiet. I'm just a punching bag in their eyes. I'm a disgrace. Even my father thinks so. I hate him so much. I walkways knew Gerard was his favorite. He hated me from the day I was born. Gerard and mom never knew of the beatings he would give me, of the sadistic torture he would put me through. Even the sick pleasure of him raping me seemed to turn him on and hurt me even more. I hate this world. It's supposed to be beautiful and untainted while us humans just ruin it with our hands.
And to hell with high school counselors. They just love to ruin everything for you! They always say they're there to help, but in fact, they make things worse.
Well, I'm off to sleep. haha, that just reminded me of something.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the lord my soul to keep.
And if I die before I wake,
Tell the Devil I'm on my way.
Belleville High School. That's where I go. That's where I'm going to be tomorrow. This guy goes to my school.
"Alicia, Dinner!" I hear my mom call. I jump out of my seat.
"C-Coming, mom!" I hide the book under one of my pillowcases and head down to eat. Quickly, I finish the food, clean my plate, and head back upstairs to go take a shower.
As the hot water scalds my body, my mind can't stop thinking about the book. I can't stop thinking about Mikey. I want to help him. But first, I have to find him. I'm sure that in a school of about 1500 kids, I would be able to find him. So far, I know he's tall and skinny. But what color is his hair? Does he wear glasses? Have braces? Play a musical instrument? Wear a slight bit of makeup like I've seen some guys do?
I sigh and turn off the water, drying myself off and changing into my pajamas. I brush my teeth rather quickly and tell my mom I'm going to bed early, giving her a kiss on the cheek and dashing back up to my room.
So now, as I lay here in my bed, sleep claiming me as its guest, my last thoughts still revolved around the Boy with the little black book.
like it so far? I kind of came up with it today.
This is a Mikey/Alicia story. This also is influenced by many books, movies, events, and the like.
Should I continue? Maybe, maybe not.