This is all we wanted. To be together.
We lay there, on my bed, hugging. Just wanting to be together. It was reassuring to know that Frankie was smart enough to lock the doors, so no one could walk in on us. This wouldn't be a good way for my family to find out I'm gay.
Currently, my parents had gone out for a few hours up the pub with some mates, and my little brother, Mikey, was listening to heavy music. We were safe.
Ever since 2 months ago, when Frankie had walked in on me cutting my self, this is all we wanted. To be together.
"Gerard...", mumbled Frank
"When you going to tell your parents?"
"About what?", I said, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.
"About us, dude. I mean, I told my dad ages ago."
"I know, Frankie, but... Your dad isn't like my dad. I'm not sure if my dad would welcome it with open arms..."
"Is your dad homophobic?", asked a shocked Frank, sitting up and looking at me.
"I don't know... I think so. The way he makes jokes and I once saw him make a grossed-out face when he saw two boys kissing."
"Well, if he is, I'm sure he'll stop. If his son’s gay"
"No he won't. I can't even tell mum. She'll just be unhappy..."
"Why? I'm sure she won't. Mummies love there baby boys!", laughed Frankie
"She'd still love me, but she just be sad because, like, she wants to be nan one day. And that would mean 50% of that possibility just... gone."
"You could adopt kids...", pointed out Frankie, now lying back down with me.
"I can? Where’s the 'we'?"
"I was just saying, because… you know… there is a possibility that something might happen to one… of us.", mumbled Frank nervously.
"So, Frank...", I said standing up. "You don't think we'll be together when we're older?"
"I didn't say that-"
"Yes you did! Look, Frank, if you think that we are going no where together, then why are you here?", I yelled. Thank god my parents had gone out. Thank god for heavy music!
"We are going somewhere Gee!", he yelled, rushing up from the bed and forcing a kiss on my lips. I pushed him away...
"Gee, I want to be with you forever. I can see the rest of my life with you being with me! I can see it! I just was pointing out something that we should realise. Its a horrible possibility, but that doesn't mean its actually going to happen. As far as I'm concerned-", he kissed my neck and laid his head on my shoulder. "-it'll never happen. I want to die with you"
I wrapped my arms round him. Today was the first day in a long while that I had wore a short sleeved top. I no longer had to hide my secrets. Frankie had made me where it. He said I had to 'stop hiding' and show it. Maybe not in public until he found some decent make up to cover it up, but at least to him. He loves me so much. I can't believe I just yelled at him...
"I'm sorry Frankie...", I whispered
"Its alright. I'm sorry too"
We stopped hugging and went back to my bed. For a while we just sat there. Saying nothing doing nothing, until Frankie broke the silence,
"You know Gerard, we've done almost everything we can on the kissing scale..."
I nodded. "Yep. All we need to do now is get married and adopted a Chinese kid!", I laughed and laid back on my bed. I don't know why I laughed so much... it wasn't that funny…
"No I mean. We only have one thing left. We’re almost legal… so we can do it!", Frank said, sounding nervous.
"Sex, Gerard!", He blurted out
I stared at him...
"No offence, but I don't really know how to go about it...", I told him honestly.
"I do! My dad told me. He’s got all the stuff!", Frankie said excitedly. "He even showed me how to do it-"
"Why the hell would he do that?", I said shocked. Me and my dad would never have that kind of conversation.
"Because he wants me to know what I'm doing! To be honest, we had a great laugh!"
"Good to know", I said, getting some beer out of my closet. I chucked a can to Frank who caught and opened it in a second.
"You up for it then?", he asked.
"Yeah sure.", I said casually, as if he'd asked if I wanted an apple.
Frank stood up and walked over to me, taking hold of my wrist.
"Come with me then...", he said devilishly "Lets go to my place..."
"Well… ah, just let me tell Mikey we're leavi-"
"Just text him on the way..." He whispered unlocking the door and opening it. "Come on, babe... I'm going to make sure you know how much I think I'm going to leave this earth with you..."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Gerard...", whispered Frankie, looking up at me.
"Yes Frankie?", I urged him on
I placed a kiss on his stuttering lips
"Love you", he said quickly. He swallowed, "Gerard, I love you. And I'm not kidding. I really do love you..."
My heart skipped a beat. He'd said it. Something that I had been trying to say for a while. I smiled at him and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose, making him giggle.
"I love you too , Frankie. So, so much", I told him.
I pulled myself off him. I couldn't believe what we had done. It was... amazing.
I know this is going to sound so fucking cheesy, but I loved it when we we're just one. Just me and him. And even when it had ended, and we were still catching our breaths and looked like we had been out in the rain, we still found the energy to hug, kiss and roll around.
It is all true. I do love him. Truly. I never want to be away from him. I want to be with him so he can push all the horrors of my life away in one glittering kiss.
Frankie turned on to his side to face me. He sighed deeply, his warm breath tickled my face. A strand of hair fell on to my face. Frank giggled, a tucked the strand behind my ear.
"I love you", he said again, "I love you, I love you , I LOVE YOU", he yelled smiling like the Cheshire cat.
"OI! Boys! I said you could do what you want, just as long as I didn't have to listen!", yelled Frank's Dad from upstairs. We had been quiet the whole time. I don't think any parent wants to hear their kid having sex.
"WE NOT ANYTHING ANYMORE, DAD! I WAS JUST MUCKING AROUND!", Frankie yelled back.
"I was being serious, really" Frank whispered, winking at me
"GOOD! NOW KEEP IT DOWN!", was the last thing me heard from Frank's dad, before he put on a 70s punk group called 'Echo and the Bunny Men' on full blast. I take it he didn't trust to really be 'done'…
Me and Frankie laughed.
"And to think you were nervous", yawned Frankie
"You were! Its ok! Worth it, though?", argued Frank.
"Yeah... I wouldn't have missed it for the world..."
"Me neither", whispered Frankie, before me and him indulged in another make-out session.