Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > cause love isn't about affection, it's about leadership1 Reviews
i don't know who you are, but I'm... I'm with you
He didn’t look like he cared - I was pretty positive he only cared about removing me from his lawn. I popped the last half-frozen blueberry into my mouth and started to leave. He lifted his head from the paper he’d been reading to meet my eyes.
“maybe I’ll see you around” he said politely. Yes, I thought, in case I accidentally show up on your front yard again.
“maybe. goodbye” I replied and walked out the door. The cold air struck me once again and the wind felt like an army of steel knifes trying to beat me down to the pavement.
I had a problem or two on my hands right now; first and utmost, I needed a place. Someplace warm, and I wouldn’t mind taking a steaming hot shower, either. I wasn’t tired yet, but I knew I would be at some point.
I started pacing without really intending to, and after a short while I found myself in a park. I wouldn't find an apartment, yet alone a job, at 3 AM. I might as well freeze my ass off for these three and a half hours left 'til sunrise.
I sat on a wooden bench on the side of the park. The paint had long ago started falling off, it stuck to the back of my jeans and my waist-length jacket. I shuddered again.
I sat and thought there for quite some time, I thought about my first social encounter, I thought about leaving small talk to the ones who appreciated the art of it, I had the feeling I shouldn't have mentioned the pancakes after all. I felt like an utter moron.
Saying something like that sounded no less than idiotic to me, but I'd thought that's how they did it around here.
I thought about the pancakes and the warmth of the diner. I even thought about home, and the barrier between it and I. I prayed that the wall would never come down. I couldn’t afford screwing up this time. I was ready to be a nobody in the city of struggles and a million unkept promises.
I could feel a headache starting to form from all the shaking and shivering my body had been up to for the last few hours. Not a minute too early the sun started peeking from somewhere behind the horizon.
I got up.
It was half past seven when I finally found my way back to civilization. I kept an eye for bars, diners, anything I could get a job at. A small scribbled sign on top of a low building caught my eye.
Without giving it a second thought, I took a deep breath and marched in.
“excuse me” I tried to come out polite and well mannered. No reply. I tried to make a natural sounding cough but I drew no attention.
“excuse me sir” I said again, this time a bit louder. No reaction. Was I just being ignored?
Did I really have to try the hard way? I slowly walked to the back wall and slid behind the counter.
It wasn’t until I grabbed him by the shoulder making him jump and look like a deer caught in the headlights that I noticed the headphones he was wearing. Any normal person would’ve probably been blushing madly, especially after yelling “what’s your fucking problem” but for some reason I never blushed.
That didn’t mean I wasn’t dying of embarrassment, though. He recovered quickly and took off his headphones,
“sorry?” he said.
“I.. I’m looking for a job” I managed to tell him. My muffled voice was no louder than a whisper.
To my great surprise he threw me an old rag and motioned towards the few empty bar tables.
“you can start by wiping those clean, old McGrave threw up again but refused to leave or at least step away from the puke, so the whole table area is fucking filthy. I’d really appreciate you cleaned it” he babbled and by the sound of it he hadn’t had a chance to talk to anyone today.
I smiled a little and nibbled on the rag I held in my hands.
“something else?” he asked slightly irritated, probably wishing I’d let him go back to work.
“no. thanks” I said and turned on my heels to rub off the disgusting substances of a drunk body. That was easy, I thought. I felt relieved, I hadn’t taken the sign outside that seriously. It said “help desperately needed. (anyone will do)”.
The unclear handwriting held no hints of sarcasm or humor whatsoever.
I decided to go ask for a swab and a bucket instead of this old damp cloth but the man looked busy serving local drunks and loyal regular customers their daily beers and double whiskeys.
I walked to the counter again and scanned the room looking for a closet with cleaning necessities, but found none. I noticed a door with the writing 'staff only' on it and presumed this was the backroom. I’d never felt so clueless at work before.
I grabbed the handle and opened the door and it indeed was the backroom. There was no mop to be found but I filled an old blue bucket with soap water; at least I’d have more water at hand.
the vomit was quickly cleaned and the man would give me various jobs and assignments whenever he wasn't serving or chatting with customers.
Around evening I was worn out. Staying up for an infinite time had never been a challenge before, but now I was ready to crash after only about fifteen waking hours.
The differences of home and the new world were small, but significant. I felt like I’d lost half of everything, my other ear, eye and nostril, my tactile sense, my stamina, and come to think of it, I probably had.
“what was you name again” I heard the man’s voice when he was closing up. Funny how he made it sound like he’d already asked that. I decided to give myself a name, quick.
“willow” I answered and regretted immediately. Who in the world was named Willow these days? I personally liked the name but I should’ve settled with a more common one. Usual names such as Anne and Mary or Courtney. I sighed.
“cool name” he stated but I barely heard him. I was too deep in thought again plus that I was exhausted and I still hadn’t solved the problem concerning my future residence.
Which reminds me of the fact that I also have to think of a decent lastname. that wasn’t going to be easy, nothing sounded good with Willow.
“I’m Ray” he added and walked towards me offering his hand. I took it and we shook hands like they did in old movies.
“so do I still have a job tomorrow?” I asked hopefully.
“sure you do, come around at about 4pm, alright? I’ll survive through the morning and the afternoon. Dahlia will be here tomorrow, you’re yet to meet her.”
I didn’t register half of what he just said, but I made a mental note to show up at four o’clock.
“you look worn out” I heard him say
“thanks so much” I smiled with the fragments of energy I had left in my body.
“go home, I’m closing up anyway”
I should’ve said yes or at least mumbled something nonspecific and left, but instead I remained silent.
“you going or what?” he asked after a moment of thick silence.
“I was wondering.. Is there any way I could sleep here for tonight? I’m yet to find an apartment and I’m really not picky when it comes to accommodation conditions and I’d be thankful if you’d let me sleep in the backroom” I choked out and took a deep breath, somehow afraid to look him in the eye.
He looked at me for a while, the way you look at an unwise, silly child.
“this place is filthy, and I’d never endanger my fellow employee’s health by letting her spend the night here” he said smiling. I wonder if he could see the disappointment and the despair in my eyes I tried my best to hide.
“but I have a couch back at home, if you need a place to go. All the beds are taken, really sorry for that. I’ve got a bunch of broke, lazy ass friends”
To any other girl the situation would’ve screamed danger, I guy you’ve just met is offering you to spend the night at his place, along with his lowlife friends, but to me it was one big relief. I know I should work on the fear thing, but I wasn’t used to being scared, not after discovering there were so much more terrible things to be afraid of than a friendly stranger. Therefore, I agreed.