(#) mychemicalbitchbot 2012-04-13Okay, I really fucking like it. They has everything. I ship that.
Now, because I like it, I'm going to te you the things I didn't like about it so hopefully they're changed next chapter. Not to worry, it's just mechanics.
So, there are some strange things with the syntax in the grammar. It's less American than it should be-- the first sentence, for example. Me and me mum, in normal run of the mill American would be My mom and I, you see? Just a couple of things like that. Grammar was overall okay, though words were forgotten every now and then.
What bothered me most was the paragraphing. There were... Like five paragraphs. They kind of went on longer than they needed to, and I've found it's easier to read chapters and stories if there is a blank line between paragraphs. There were some typos, little slips of the hand and wrong word choice (like their vs they're vs their).
That's pretty much it. The only problem I have with the story is how Frank and Gerard think the exact same things. It's almost creepy. I mean, you read Franks you've almost read Gerard's. The only difference is really the easy problems.
BUT. I do love it, and eagerly await a new chapter!
Author's responseThank you for the response. I will try my best to take on your advice and hopefully the next chapter will be better. And not as creepy with the whole thought process! :)
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