I stare out the window as my brother speeds towards my house, I notice him quickly glancing over at me every once in a while. To tell the truth I’m surprised he’s even able to drive. Frank, who I wish wasn’t here, is silent in the backseat; or at least I think he is...I can't hear anything over Bullet With Butterfly Wings. This is my song; the one I listen to whenever I am mad, sad, or really feeling any emotion whatsoever. I continue staring out the window, replaying the events of the day.
I was in my class, and the bitch of a teacher had sprung a question at me, knocking me out of my head. I really wanted to die at that point. Being myself, with everyone turning around and staring at me in my seat at the back of the room, it was just too much. I couldn't breathe. I just sat there, wide-eyed. It felt like everyone was staring into my soul, waiting for me to speak. But I couldn't....I was frozen. There was no air in my lungs at all. The teacher tapped her foot.
"Well, do you know it or not?" she asked, impatiently.
I just sat there, trying to calm down. I wish I had my fucking inhaler with me; Gerard was right, I really did need it at all times. I managed to keep a poker face but inside, I was screaming, crying for help. I needed out…now. So I just shook my head finally, as if to say no, and everybody laughed at me, even the teacher. Thank God at that moment the bell rang, and I zoomed out of the classroom, avoiding everyone who was pointing and laughing at me, only to get into the hallway that was overly crowded. This made me even more anxious, there is too many fucking people in the narrow hallway.
I ducked my head, watching my feet as I walked hastily. Due to my luck, or lack there of, I ran right into one of the big ass jocks. Smack, right into his chest. I looked up, my hand on my nose, keeping up my glasses. He growled at me.
"Watch where you're going, fresh meat," he said.
I looked down again, scared for my life. He grabbed my by my shirt collar, and I gasped.
"Hey, I'm talking to you," he growled again, looking at my face. I turned my head away, but he used his free hand to turn it back, so I was looking right into his beady black eyes.
"Look at me,!" he yelled, and turned me around, slamming me against the locker.
I gasped in pain, and from the fact I was dying from another anxiety attack. It felt like someone had taken a knife to my chest, and was twisting it around in circles. I was terrified at what was happening at this moment. The jock smirked, slammed me down onto the ground, and everyone laughed. My glasses flew off my face, and I was blind. I scrambled on the ground looking for them when I heard that voice…the voice of a fucking angel.
“Fuck off boys,” it said before handing me my glasses. “I think these are yours. I’m Amber by the way.”
I slapped my eyes back on only to come face to face with a girl, her bright red hair in pig tails, blue eyes on me. Gasping for air, I nodded, “Mikey…thanks.”
Once again she offered me her inhaler. I used it, handed it back, gathered my things and then literally ran down the hallway. Finally I saw my brother sitting by a short kid on the steps. They were talking, and the short kid had just rejected my mom's ham and mayonnaise sandwich. I tried to gather myself, wiping the tears off my face. I hated showing my brother my face when I was like this. It was the worst feeling in the world, because I knew he was worried about me beyond all reasoning. So I finally managed to take a deep breath, and made my way over to my brother and the other kid mind still on that Amber girl. She reminded me of my brother and me…she obviously didn’t fit in here.
Gerard snaps me out of my recollection, "Mikey, we're home."
I had failed to realize my MP3 player is dead, and it is strangely silent. Gerard and Frank get out of the car, and I slowly follow behind them, trying not to show my tears. Looking down, I walk towards them. Today was one of the worst days of my life, and I just want to be alone with my thoughts and the image of Amber.
Gerard walks over and hugs me, whispering in my ear,” Mikey...whoever did this to you…they will fucking pay."
He lets me go, and I can see in his eyes he really does mean what he is saying. Nodding I follow them into the house, seeing my mom in the kitchen fixing herself a sandwich.
Oh shit, I forgot about my mom. She will probably bombard me with questions if she sees me in this state. So, naturally, I bolt up the stairs into my room without saying hello. Quickly I get out of that piece of shit uniform, throwing on a Star Wars t-shirt and jeans, before picking up my favorite beanie from the floor and slamming it on my head. It covers most of my untidy hair except for the sides and the long strands in the front. I look in the mirror, not smiling. This is the real me; skinny, nerdy, shy and depressed. No wonder no one likes me.
I plug in my MP3 to charge, sighing before going downstairs, descending into my brother’s cave of a room. Upon entering I see Gerard and Frank sitting on his unmade bed. As soon as he sees I’ve joined them, Gerard scoots over to make room of me. He has some beers next to him, and he offers me one. I gladly accept it and the three of us together, down an entire six pack, not talking.
I know they were waiting for me to say something, but I don't want to. What I want, though, is to not have my brother be so wasted that he spends the night in the bathroom for the fifth night in a row.
Not like that will ever happen.