I just shut down in front of an entire crowd.
I laughed nervously, “Yeah.” I couldn’t stop thinking about Brendon though. His soothing voice... when he sang...
I felt like an addict, coming off of some type of high. The high was Brendon though and I couldn’t get a refill, ever.
“Are you okay?” Amy asked, growing concerned. “You haven’t been okay since... the concert started. Did someone grab your ass? It happened to me too.”
“Well, yeah.” I paused. “But that’s not the problem.” I admitted.
“Then what is?”
“I can’t stop thinking about him.” I replied, frowning. “He’s everywhere and I swear... I’m starting to lose my mind.” I didn’t really want to elaborate. She deserved the truth though. I couldn’t just lie to her forever. Something was wrong and it obviously showed quite clearly.
Amy hugged me tightly, whispering in to my ear. “He’s not the only guy in the world Hayley. You’ll meet someone else who is just as good, if not better.”
I didn’t want to meet anyone else though. I didn’t want to feel like this again. Even though I was the one who ended our ‘friendship’ I felt crushed. I didn’t want anyone to ever matter this much to me again because I don’t think I’d be able to handle losing them. I just wanted my sweats back. I wanted to curl up in bed and read, with a bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream.
“So...” Amy pulled away, seeming to suddenly get nervous. “I have a surprise!” She placed some well aimed fake cheer in her tone. “There is an after party downtown... I have our invites in my bag.” No, no, no! I just wanted to go home.
“Great.” I forced a smile out, attempting to enjoy my night out.
“Great.” Amy replied, smiling in return. “Wanna go get autographs from the band?”
“Sure.” At this point I’d agree to anything. I kind of felt like an empty shell. Wherever my mind had gone... I hoped it was enjoying itself.
My attention was elsewhere as Ryan, Jon, and Spencer animatedly talked to fans who came up to get autographs. Usually I was a lot more outgoing and I occasionally glanced over to notice disgruntled looks upon some of the girls faces. I almost went over and said something nice to them but then my thoughts would go to Hayley and... Well, I was nearly catatonic at that point.
I kept obsessively checking my phone, hoping she would cave in and text me. I just needed something. It took everything inside of me to stop from texting her again.
“You seem upset.” Spencer said and I tuned in, hoping he wasn’t talking to me again. I mean, come on... He knew I was upset. Instead I realized he was talking to a fan. I almost tuned them both out but then she spoke.
“Oh, I’m fine.” She smiled, nervously crossing her arms over her chest. I was surprised at her attire. She couldn’t be... No, there was no way.
“She’s going through a hard time.” The girl beside her explained. “There is this guy and...”
“Amy!” The girl snapped, blushing.
“Guy troubles?” Spencer asked, grinning. “Maybe I could help. What’s the issue?”
Suddenly all attention was on the girl and she looked very uncomfortable with that. “There is no issue. I mean... it’s over. There wasn’t really anything in the first place but what little there was is now over so... I should go.” She turned away, quickly attempting to move past the small crowd of people who had made it backstage to get items signed.
I stepped past Spencer, trying to catch up with her before she left. I couldn’t let her get away. I was probably crazy but...
What if I wasn’t?
“Hayley?” I asked, grabbing on to the girl’s wrist once I caught up to her. The entire band was staring at me, along with all of our fans. I was sure of it... Hell, I could be so wrong.
The girl turned, glancing at me in confusion. “... Brendon?”
My heart skipped a beat.
We just stared at each other. I didn’t want to let go of her but we were definitely starting to attract even more attention. I could hear the whispers which quickly turned in to normal volume conversations.
”I must be crazy.” The words came out of our mouths at the same exact time and I watched as Hayley’s face turned a darker shade of red.
“Rock star?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
“... Stripper?” I immediately regretted the words, realizing that probably wasn’t the best thing to say.
Hayley’s eyes widened, “I’m not-“ She immediately began but I cut her off.
“I know, I know. I’m just... surprised by the outfit.”
“I dressed her.” The girl that was with Hayley cut in, sounding shocked.
“Barbie?” I asked, teasing Hayley.
It was actually her...
“Pretty much.” Hayley replied, glancing down at her wrist.
I blushed, wondering just how much of a fool she thought I was being. I was just so damn overjoyed to see her. Finally the voice had a face attached... Now, even more... I didn’t want to let her get away.
She was the girl.
She was the girl that I wanted in my life.
“Sorry.” I let go of her wrist, awkwardly wondering what to do with my hands.
“I- I should probably go.” Hayley said.
I felt like screaming. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg her to stay. I would plead all night if she gave me the time.
“So, you’re the Brendon?” Hayley’s friend asked.
Hayley looked away, “He is.” Was that disappointment in her tone?
Was I really a disappointment?
“I’m in town for the week.” I just needed a chance. Just one chance. I needed her to see that I needed her. I needed her in my life. “Can I see you again?”
Hayley opened her mouth but her friend spoke before she could, “We are going to a party in town tonight. You guys could totally come with...”
I heard a few fan girls scream in the background and I closed my eyes, “Um...”
Well chances of not being followed by a crowd were slim but it wasn’t like I was going to miss the chance to spend more time with Hayley.
I knew the real her.
She knew the real me.
As much as she tried to run away from me...
I knew what she really wanted.
She wanted what I wanted.
She just wanted someone to see her for who she truly was.
It was him.
Brendon was here.
Brendon was fucking famous.
I just shut down in front of an entire crowd.
I think that maybe he might now think that I’m mentally incompetent. I couldn’t force myself to speak a word. Amy spoke for me. Oh god.
Amy made plans.
“... Hayley?” Amy attempted to break me from my thoughts.
I was sitting in my truck, staring out the window.
It was him.
“He’s here.” I whispered, trying to break myself from my own thoughts.
“I know.” Amy responded. “Holy shit.” She still sounded as shocked as I felt. “He’s Brendon fucking Urie!”
“You’re wrong.” I glanced at my phone, realizing I had a new text. He’s so much more than just Brendon fucking Urie.
“You’re going the wrong way.” Amy said, as I pulled out of the parking lot and turned.
“I’m not going.” Brendon was so much better than me. Meeting him just made that belief so much stronger. Brendon was better off without me. I was just some girl. I didn’t even know what to think of myself.
“Hayley!” Amy basically screamed my name. “Stop the fucking truck.” She commanded.
I sighed heavily but pulled over, waiting for whatever lecture she had in store.
Instead she hugged me.
“I totally get it if you don’t want to see him again.” She said, catching me completely off guard. “But I don’t want you to regret this.”
“I-“ I stopped, knowing whatever I said would be a lie.
“I saw the look on your face. It was more than just a dumbfounded expression.” She chuckled softly. “That was the look of love. You’re in love with him. Is that what went wrong?”
Please just shut up Amy.
I didn’t want to go there.
“You’re afraid.” Amy said, shaking her head. “And that’s not like you at all Hayley. You’re so much stronger than that.”
I didn’t feel strong at all.
“Just turn around.” Amy continued. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
I could truly fall in love with him.
Where was she?
I waited impatiently, beside the bar.
Plenty of women were staring but none of them were Hayley.
I hoped she didn’t reconsider.
I didn’t think I could take another blow tonight.
Spencer appeared, “So, that was Hayley?”
“Yeah.” I muttered.
“That was the first time you two had met, wasn’t it?” Well, wasn’t he a smart one.
“Does it matter?” I asked, not looking to be judged.
Spencer just sighed. “She just entered the club with her friend.” He informed me.
Just breathe and be yourself.
That used to be enough for her.